clean floors, dirty paws

After a wonderful Christmas we decided it would be equally wonderful to go get messages from the little place down the street.  Relaxing music, dim lights, oils.  NO.  It is one big open room, nobody speaks English and the therapisist chit chat with one another the entire time.  But it is only $19 for 40 minutes and they do one hell of a job on your knots. Ryan and Shannon got full body massages while I opted for a chair massage as I still have a hard time laying on my huge sore boobs stomach.  The first 30 minutes were pure bliss.  He was working on my shoulders and getting all the kinks out when suddenly I felt a bit sick.  I know that sometimes when you get massaged they release a lot of toxins so I figured that is what it was and tried to relax.  Still feeling sick a few moments later, I asked the therapist to stop for a second and that is all I remember.  Everything went black. I woke up about a minute later to Ryan holding me up and rubbing my back, a terrified look in h

This is our Christmas card from last year.  I'm sure most of you have seen it but if not, enjoy and have yourself a Merry Little Christmas. 

Ryan swears I staged this picture with a tall can but I assure you that he purchased, drank, and left that tall boy on the carpet all by himself

Well, you already know how it happened but if you were sick that day in school, I'll explain.  Ryan and I called the stork and told him we would be interested in a baby around June.  After checking his busy schedule, we do live in Salinas after all, he agreed to deliver around the 27th.  Now that we've cleared that up, can I tell you how embarrassing it is to tell your family that you are knocked up.  Basically it was like, "Hey mom, we have lots of sex,"  "Guess what grandma, I totally wrecked my wife."  I know that is not what they hear, but I swear it feels like that is what is coming out.  After each person we told I was like oh great, now EVERYBODY is going to know we do it! So now that you know, let me tell you just how complicated it was; not the sex, the finding out.  I'll try to be brief because let's be honest, it's not that exciting.   I was late so I took a test...negative.  I figured I'd start soon and went about my busine

Our house is old and therefore not the most efficient when it comes to heating and cooling.  That coupled with the fact that I am not to keen on spending 250-300 dollars a month for PG&E means we have a little space heater to keep our toes warm on these cold winter nights. Only problem... Abner is a total heater hog.  He will shove his fat little body between you and the heater and literally soak up 90% of the heat for himself leaving you with a crappy 10% to warm freezing toes.  Typical

He was so tiny that I could hold him and not lose circulation in my arms.

Admittedly, Ryan is not a cat person.  He doesn't care for their flippant attitude, mood swings, or dirty looks; why he married me then is a complete mystery, but I digress.  A few months into our relationship I brought up the idea of getting a kitten.  It would have to live at his house because I couldn't have pets at my place, but I thought it would be a nice addition.  And because I hadn't ruined Lilly's life enough on my own.  Over the next few weeks I searched obsessively every day on the kitty rescue website we did some research and found a kitty that seemed perfect.  She was rescued along with her siblings and was one of the last ones that still needed a home.   I visited her before agreeing to adopt her and when she crawled in my sweatshirt, up on my head and down my leg I knew she was the one.  She and her attitude settled right in. About a month later we made the brilliant decision to take a trip down to Santa Barbara with Lilly and the new kitten in t

Dirty Diapers... That's right internet, get ready for way too much information and a whole lot of fun because this family of crazies, and my waistline are about to get bigger.

Today I am blogging from my phone because our computer decided it was a good idea to contract yet another virus! That is 2 in the past 3 weeks if you wanted to keep track. I think this is a sign that we need to start backing up. You would think loosing everything not once, but twice in my life would be motivation enough but apparently it hasn't been. I promise I have funny stories and exciting news coming so stay tuned. Hopefully to your computer, not your phone

because if I gave you an entire spoonful you'd gag. We all know that I am a bit odd, in a good way of course, but still, painfully odd.  And that I like things a certain way and things in a certain place.  We also have discussed how repetitive noises make me want to kill myself and that sometimes I say things before I consider weather or not they are nice. That being said, picture it, Ryan's car on a Tuesday afternoon, pouring rain.  I had just been granted a gift from the hair frizz fairy, aka I got into the car just before the rain started, and we were on our way.  As we drove along, the rain started to get stronger and stronger until it was like someone pouring cups of water on the windshield.  Ryan of course has the windshield wipers on as fast as they will go so he doesn't drive into a ditch and the rain is so loud (a sound I actually quite enjoy) that I don't hear the wipers clicking and swishing. Well, after a few miles the rain begins to lighten up and fin

Not sure how a I feel about the new blog design.  I was hoping for candy cane stripes or something more festive, but I suppose this will do for now. I am sure how I feel about this... Awesome Christmas card will not disappoint this year

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongdoing. It does not delight in evil, But rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves. There is nothing love cannot face; There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: Faith, hope, and love; But the greatest of them all is love. -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7   I'm talking about the love you receive from animals, specifically dogs.  Yep, dogs.     I happen to believe that the purest form of love comes from animals.  They love recklessly, intensely, without limit, and expect nothing in return. They never wonder what is in it for them, or try to play with your emotions.  They wear their hearts on their sleeves, no barriers to protect them, assuming that you will take care of their hearts.   And most of us do, b

I have personally never been one to rush out on Black Friday and go shopping.  The thought of thousands of people moshing over 100 twenty dollar television sets just does not appeal to me;  I do however understand why many people engage in the tradition. I mean if you are a true shopper and being trampled by stampedes of other aggravated shoppers doesn't bother you, or if you have a lot of shopping to do and like a "good deal" then I suppose it is the perfect occasion for you.  Yep, get out of your warm bed and wait in line in the freezing cold at 4am and we'll give you this awesome Furby!!!! Personally, I don't get it. Where are you going with this Anne?  We really don't care that you don't like shopping?  What is a Furby? The reason I am bringing this up is because I feel as though this tradition, this so called "holiday,"  has gotten a bit out of hand.  A few years ago you would see ads about stores opening at 6am with once in a lifeti

On this day of Thanksgiving I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed at all I have to be thankful for.  I try to give thanks and tell those around me how much I love them all year, but there is something about the actual holiday that makes me pause and take it all in.  I truley couldn't ask for more.

I love to wear black, in fact, I am wearing an all black get up right now.  I'm not quite sure why, but I have always favored the color.  When I walk into a store I am immediately drawn to black items.  Black shirts, black jackets, black shoes, black underwear, black heart.  Just saying. All the fashionistas on television say that people who wear black are hiding something, afraid to draw attention to themselves, just wanting to fade into the background.  While that is true of me on some occasions, I would not say that it accurately describes why I like to wear black.  Regardless, I have been fighting this affliction for some time now, trying to purchase bright, cheerful colors to mix into my wardrobe.  I'll want the black one, but buy the pretty green one instead only to have it end up in the same place, the back of the closet.  I have decided that I am over it, done, sick of wasting money; I am black inside and out.  I'll mix it up with gray or white and maybe even

Our friends visited a while ago with their toddler daughter whom Abner followed around all weekend like it was his job.  She forgot her paci, the picture explains the rest.

Maybe you remember my olive oil story form a while ago.  Well, it got me thinking about all the things that moms/wives do that go unnoticed.*  Now, let me say for the record that I am not complaining about all the things I do or trying to get some sort of acknowledgment. I genuinely like caring for my home and all of it's inhabitants, some days more than others, yes, but all the same, I enjoy it.  I also feel as though I must go on record that Ryan is very good about thanking me for many thankless jobs and letting me know how much he appreciates having clean, ironed shirts for work each day. So... As a kid it was so easy.  You never thought about how the food got to your house or who prepared it or served it, you just ate it.  You didn't stop to wonder who cleaned your messes or did your laundry or packed your lunch.  You just made more messes, created more laundry (I think I remember changing my clothes 3-4 times a day at one point, just for fun) and went about your lif

I know my posts have been kind of lite and cheesy lately, and I do apologize, I'm just not going to fix it, not today anyway. I promise a good one is coming soon. Now on with the fluff. When Abner was a baby we bought him a little bed to curl up in.  He quickly outgrew it and it was put in "dog storage" along with is tiny sweaters, tiny collars and tiny elf hat, yeah I said elf hat.  He was tortured from an early age.  A few days ago I was throwing away a bunch of shit sorting through some things that I don' t need but keep anyway because you never know when you might need a rock that you must have thought was really cool when you found it...12 years ago.  Among the rocks, random pillowcases, scraps of fabric and not yet started paint my numbers, I found a big box of dog stuff. Cute toys that Abner chewed up but I didn't have the heart to throw away, a little coat that I made him when I first got him that he fit into for 2 days before outgrowing, and his

If you keep up with this blog then you have some idea of how techno Lilly is about her feet.  It would take all day to explain, so in short, no wet grass, no gravel, no crunchy leaves, no puddles, no touching, lots of licking! There, now we are all caught up. What you may not be aware of though, is how long she can hold her pee and poop if it is raining and her precious feet could get wet by going out.  I'm talking ALL DAY AND NIGHT epic marathon pee holding to the point that she looks uncomfortable.  She must have a bladder the size of an elephants and when she finally pees it takes her so long to empty her bladder that here legs start shaking from crouching so long.  Pathetic! Not that I have ever had shaky legs while holding myself above the toilet seat, balancing my purse and maybe a martini; neither of which I would set on the floor.  Guys, women set their purses on the floor in public restrooms all the time. Have you seen this?  I want to knock on the stall door and b

You might think that capturing Abner rolling around on a strangers grass during a walk was uncommon but no, he does it nearly every day.  He usually does it more when he is hot and it goes a little something like this.  Run to the end of my leash and then put my head down and let my fat little body flop on the the grass and then roll around snorting for a few minutes until I get up and do it again...and again. It seriously cracks me up.  I have never seen a dog roll around on random strangers lawns before, never.  To be fair, I have also never seen a dog chase dragonfly shadows, but I digress.

Last month Ryan and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  Yes, I know I have yet to post pictures of our honeymoon, but that was so last year. When September first rolled around I was like wow, wait, what?  It is already September?  Have we really been married for a year?  As September plugged along and the weekend was approaching I started thinking about what I was doing last year each day. Last year on this day I was finalizing my guest list...last year on this day I was doing my final dress fitting.  Until it was the 26th and last year on this day I was trying not to pass out or shit my pants OR BOTH! We originally planned on going back to the Blue Sky Lodge where we stayed on our wedding night but decided to change it up and head over to Morro Bay.  It is crazy how close we live and never seem to make it over there.  Especially if you consider that they have gelato classico, brown butter cookies, taco temple, the beach AND sea shanty pancakes all in a 4 block radius.

One evening while on our honeymoon in St. Lucia, Ryan and I decided to venture away from the resort and go to a local music festival.  We took a hotel cab there and realized about an hour or so in that we kinda liked life on the resort better.  You know, where you could actually hear yourself think....and booze is free. So we walked to a nearby hotel and called for a cab to take us back. At some point during our twenty minute drive back to the hotel, the fact that I don't like ice in my water was brought up by either myself or Ryan, I really can't remember.  I am pretty sure we were talking about strange it was that all week I asked for ice in my water.  That is of course because it melted in 20 seconds anyway and kept the water at least somewhat cooler than the temperature of my own saliva! Yes, I don't do well in heat Anyway, the cab driver, who was a rather interesting fellow, starts talking about how I am right not to put ice in my drinks and telling stories abo

When we are kids it was things like going to bed, going to school, taking a nap or brushing our teeth. As we got older it was getting home by curfew, doing our homework, making our bed or taking out the trash.  Older still and more, I don't want to, followed by guess what, life isn't fair.  I don't want to go to my college class today, I don't want to pay my cable bill, I dont' want to turn down that 8th shot of Jaggermeister and stop dancing on the bar. Only difference is that as you turned the corner to adulthood, you actually didn't have to because there was nobody there making you. No mom at the edge of the table making you take 5 bites of vegetables. No back up to get your ass out of bed when you hit the snooze again.  You could eat Taco Bell for every meal, EVERY DAY.  So what, I only did it like 4 times, don't judge me!  Well, guess what, it's true, life is still full of things we don't necessarily want to do and still totally unfair.  Jus

Seriously though, with his speed, ability to turn on a dime, low center of gravity and teeth to bite ankles of opponents you can't go wrong!

If you drive down our street and wonder if we've joined the circus, we have. 

...just not very much

A while back, Ryan and I were in the kitchen preparing lunch.  While I chopped vegetables for salad, he was dressing some zucchini for the BBQ.  I watched him as he opened the spice drawer and pulled out the drizzle bottle of olive oil.  He positioned it over the tray of sliced squash and began to drizzle.  About 2 seconds later there was no more drizzle, the bottle was empty.  I could literally see the wheels turning in his head as he paused and then turned to put the EMPTY bottle back. Me: "There is a big bottle of olive oil in the pantry if you want to go ahead and refill that before putting it back." Ryan: "Why would I do that.  If I put it back empty it will magically refill itself." Me: "You have got to be kidding me, right?" Ryan: "Nope." And he put the empty bottle back on the rack and closed the door. I was completely dumbfounded, really annoyed and also kind of entertained because, well,  IT IS TRUE!  From that moment I wa

Planet earth is approximately 75% water.  The human body is approximately 75% water.  Our house is approximately 85% hardwood flooring. So, riddle me this.  If our house is 85% hardwood flooring then why, oh WHY do 99.9% of all body malfunctions end up on my carpet? One second Lilly is lounging on our inside grass rug , trying to catch a fly and the next second I look over and there is an ENORMOUS pile of vomit beside her.  You guys, the small carpet is SURROUNDED BY HARDWOOD FLOOR and she had to vomit on the rug. Now, this would be a predicament on any rug/carpet, but this grassy rug happens to be the shaggiest shag rug ever to shag and I have absolutely NO idea how I'm going to get dog vomit out of it.  The fibers on this carpet are literally 8 inches long.  It looks like a huge green toupee.  Well, a green toupee with regurgitated kibble tangles.  Anyone want a dog?

OH MY! Abner is ready for Halloween Are you?

It's oh so still... Right now my house is so quiet that I could actually hear the proverbial pin drop; that is if there were someone here to drop it.  There is no Abner snoring, no Lilly sighing and rolling her eyes so intensely that you CAN hear it, no Peach chirping and annoying the dogs, no Ryan doing all the little things Ryan does, no television, no radio, not even a truck filling up with gas around the corner.  Silence.  And... I HATE IT Well, I loved it for about an hour, I mean I LOVED it for that hour.  But then it got kind of old.  Sometimes there is so much background noise that I find myself begging for a moment of silence.  If only I could have one minute of complete silence I could ground myself, calm my mind, pee without Abner butting his giant head in to see what I am doing. Seems tonight I got my minute.  Quite frankly, that is all I needed. *Just in case you were worried....No, I did not lock my entire family in the basement, not this time anyway.

Like most dogs, accept for Lilly who is far to sophisticated, Abner like to disembowel stuffed toys.  There is noting quite like gnawing off the leg of a cute fluffy doggy to pass the time.  And I love nothing more than coming home to a room covered in  poly fill and dog vomit because Abner has YET AGAIN gotten poly fill stuck in the back of his throat and gagged himself...3 or 4 times.  As much as he loves to tear apart toys, there is one that he has had since he was a baby that he has never tried to injure, his bunny.  I am petty sure my mom got this bunny at the last chance mercantile, aka the dump, and that it was love at first sight for Abner.  I still remember his first encounter with the bunny.  He sniffed it, started to chew on the eyeballs a little bit and then began licking the muzzle.  From there he lay down and began to "nurse" the muzzle of the bunny making the strangest snorting noises.  I thought awe, how cute, and figured this was a one time thing, I was w

It is the first day of Autumn, by far my favorite season.  When the trees set aflame and your feet make that magical crunching sound as you walk through the neighborhood. New look for the blog New attitude for the lady And a beautiful photograph for the eyes I'd sure love to run along this path... and roll around in these leaves like I was 5 years old again.  Not worried about getting dirty or getting spiders in my hair because someone else did the laundry and secretly swept spiders off my back.  Tight squeeze, cool breeze, pumpkin spice lattes

8,760 hours 730 days 24 months 2 years The world will never be the same And neither will I 7 weeks 9 weeks & 6 pounds  Watching Lilly Play 10 weeks Sleeping on dad's legs 3-4 months Hating his life 6 months Big Bird? Loving mom 1st Birthday Party Playing in the dirt 1.9 years Happy Second Birthday Abner. I love you more than you'll ever know...because you are a dog and you think your life is how all dogs lives are and really have no idea how much time is devoted to your happiness all to have you throw up on my freshly cleaned carpet, 4 times. Lucky you're so cute

In a world so full of "new and improved," (which by the way is impossible because if something is new it cannot be also improved), RESIST.  Resist the urge to buy something new and presumably better.  Make something yourself.  Reuse or re-purpose an item you already have.  Use your own two hands, your imagination, your passion. Feel it.  Put love into what you make. Too often we opt for the easy way out, the microwavable, the pre-packaged, the brand new, wrapped up in a pretty box with a bow no less. I love bows. Why?  Because it is EASY and we like easy. We like things easy so much that there is a person out there sitting on a fortune because he invented an easy button; but easy isn't always better. The best meals take time to prepare, children years to mold, animals countless hours of love and training.  And when I see people giving up puppies after owning them for 8 months and parents in the supermarket degrading their children and families eating exclusively

Around 11pm one evening.  In the bathroom.  Brushing our teeth.  One of us gagging.  The other...just brushing. Me: "You know I hate to be a nag but..." Ryan: "But what?" As he finishes brushing his teeth and sets the toothbrush on the counter Me: "Why do you put the toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter after you brush?  Why not put it away in the drawer?" Ryan: "I don't want my toothbrush to mold." Me: "MOLD?  Nice try buddy."

 If you have ever read this blog, or met me, you know that I love my dogs more than any normal person should.  You also know that I spend at least 25% of every day chasing Abner around, saving him from falling into holes, eating bees and other toxic items, choking on sticks, wandering off and/or accidentally killing himself; he is my problem child. He gives me endless material for this blog and for when my friends who have actual "children" are telling stories and I have to come up with something cute my child did.  They look at me weird and I'm like what? Oh really, your kid is so cool.  Can you lock your kid up in a box for 8 hours and go get drunk?  I didn't think so. At least not without the authorities getting involved.  So while Abner keeps me on my toes and drives me closer and closer to the Garden Pavilion, Lilly moves from one couch to another day dreaming about dinner time and being a perfect lady.  Well, perfect  if you discount the whole trying to eat

No, I'm not going to sing the song, though I do LOVE that song.  I know you know that I love it and sing it at inappropriate times, but I can't help it, it's catchy.  Quite possibly the worst lyrics I have ever sang ("if I were a boy, I'd turn off my phone, tell everyone it's broken, so they'd think that I was sleeping alone" Yeah, WORST LYRICS EVER) but don't worry, I change it up and sing my own lyrics. Anyway, that is totally not what this post is about.  This post is about if I were a boy I would be offended daily.  Not by my wife nagging me not to spill my beer (who does that!?) but by television shows AND commercials. I am constantly complaining to Ryan about it.  I'm like babe, aren't you offended by this purex laundry sheet bull shit?  They are basically calling all men idiots, that means YOU!  Sometimes he agrees or plays along and other times I'm talking to a glassy eyed maniquen.  Hello, earth to Ryan, offensive commercia

I was going through my pictures recently and came across this shot of Abner that my friend Suzanne took.  I immediately noticed it because, hey, IT IS ACTUALLY GOOD QUALITY and not taken with either my crappy old digital that "sometimes works" or my iphone.  Thanks Suzie

I know it is September, but I am going to get caught up on my August posts because I was brain dead in August, remember.  Anyway, aside from the emotional ups and downs there were some good times. One of them was the Giants game we attended.  Up until about 2 years ago my husband did not watch baseball on television unless it was some sort of special event.  In fact, he probably didn't even watch those.   I imagine he couldn't have named 3 players on the Giants if his life depended on it.  Then I ripped him away form his friends and family and boredom drove him to start watching baseball.  Guess what, he likes it.  I'm not going to say that he is some sort of overnight super fan, but you might catch him wearing a SF hat and shooting the shit about the game in the grocery store with fellow fans.  Aww, so cute.  Well, we talked about going to a game last year and it just didn't work out with all the wedding "to-do's," so this year we made sure to go. 

I often catch Abner falling asleep sitting up; his head to heavy to hold and his eyelids fighting to stay open.  I used to think it was cute.  Used to... Not today,  today I want to poke him and in an extremely condescending voice say, "Oh poor baby.  Didn't you get your 18 hours of sleep?  Your life must be SOO HARD!  All that sleeping and eating and pooping must really must take it out of you.  YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TIRED IS KID!  Not only do you get to sleep all day but your snoring keeps me up at night making me want to plug your nose and drag your bed down the hall.  If you nod off one more time I'm quitting my job and feeding you Alpo.  That will teach you!" To be honest I have ranted at him before, Lilly too.  They just look at me with glazed over eyes  (I'm pretty sure Lilly rolls hers) and yawn.  "Mom is crazy....zzzzzzzz." Oh to be a dog

As you know, Ryan's garden is in full swing with zucchini and I am pleased to report that with the heat we have been having, the tomatoes are getting plump and red. Most people would use the zucchini for healthy dishes like salad.  Not me, I like carbs! Today I made a zucchini cake with glorious cream cheese frosting.  As you can see I saved a piece without frosting just in case Ryan wants to try it.  He probably won't, "be in the mood" or he, "won't care for any, thank you" but I still save a piece because I am just that nice. Really I'm just slowing trying to convert him to eat sweets so I can make MORE and eat MORE and not feel guilty because I AM THE ONLY ONE EATING THEM! Mmmm

NO! I apologize AGAIN for being a slacker and not posting lately.  I honestly love writing/venting and sharing my life with whoever reads this word vomit I call a blog.  This is a place I come to relax, regroup and rehash my days; then why hardly any posts all of August? It has been a LONG MONTH You know that old saying, "Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug."  Well you might want to check your windshield.  There is a large possibility that I'm squished on there with one wing flapping in the breeze. For various reasons, some of which I will discuss later and some private, I have been left physically and emotionally DRAINED most of this month.  So drained that my usual sarcasm and energy for this blog are rotting on the grill of a Ford truck somewhere between here and San Francisco. Things have happened this month that I NEVER saw coming and others that were faltering and have finally come to a head.  I feel a sense of calm mixed with

In my ever evolving, never ending journey to rid my cosmetic case and family of toxins I have tried over 10 different types of deodorant and guess what, toxins make you smell nice!  I have yet to find one that doesn't give up on me by noon.  Not that I sweat profusely or am unclean, but a grown woman needs a good deodorant.  I don't even mind if I still sweat, but I'd prefer not to smell like musty twelve year old boy at the end of my day, thank you very much. It is obviously less noticable on days when I don't do a lot of physical activity, but lately I have been working pretty hard WITH STEAM BILLOWING IN MY FACE and let me put it this way, my need/want for a good deodorant that actually works is climbing my priority list.  On Wednesday I had my first set of "dry runs," which basically means I do a full shift of facials on employees of the spa who critique me.  Well, halfway through with my nerves going and the steam heating up, I was wondering if it w

Abner likes to sit back a relax with a nice glass of Cabernet Don't worry, Mama will finish the bottle

I walk into the bathroom and THIS is what I see.  My cat and dog rolling around playing in the bathtub!  Aren't dogs and cats supposed to be afraid of the bathtub?  Only my kids.  God help me if I ever have any of the human variety.  Might as well book the psychologist now, they tend to have a wait list. 

Today one of my favorite stores of all time let me down in a big way;  Target, you have disappointed me.  I went in for a few items including a pumice stone and walked out with a few items, plus a few more items and maybe a few more items, but NO pumice stone.  I foolishly assumed it would be simple to find a pumice stone but after a good effort of looking on my own, I decided to ask for help.  "A what?"  asked the Target team member.  "A pumice stone, you know, like to clean hard water spots and toilets."  Well she had never heard of a pumice stone and told me they had some in the foot care section.  I think you are misunderstanding me Miss, I don't want to scrub my feet I want to scrub my toilets! Oh sorry, we don't have that. SORRY!?  They do however carry approximately 30 other cleaning products that will chemically dissolve the hard water over the course of a month, make your shit literally smell like roses and/or turn your toilet water that b