Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Baby proofing fail

We have off white kitchen cabinets that are covered in oatmeal, blueberry goo, yogurt and god knows what else finger prints, but one thing they are not, is baby proofed.  The cabinets have cute little knobs that he can easily open and the drawers have pulls that has not quite figured out, whew.  So the drawers are not a problem as of yet, but the cabinet doors, yeah, a problem. 

We don't keep anything "dangerous" in any of the cabinets, and he is rarely alone in the kitchen longer than a few seconds, but I don't really like bulk lentil beans spilled on the floor.  I was finding those little bee-bees hidden in various corners of the house for weeks. 

Yes, I KNOW what you are about to say.  Babies are fast!  ANYTHING can be dangerous to a baby! You are a horrible parent!  RUN to Babies R' Us and buy those baby proofing cabinet things that even a fucking rocket scientist can't get into!  WORK FOR YOUR FOOD, WOMAN!  

I don't want to!  I HATE them! 

About the worst thing he could do is chug Seventh Generation dish soap and if he wants to wash down his cracker with lavender soap who am I to stop him?  But that non-toxic shit is expensive so we did what any concerned parent would do.  We rubber banded the shit out of those knobs!  It took him approximately six seconds to start playing with them and now...


Anything is an instrument!

Get this kid an agent

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Kind of a post

I don't even know why I am bothering to write this, maybe it is just to make myself feel better.  For some reason the past few weeks I just can NOT focus enough to write a damn post.  I sit down all ready with some clever idea in my head or with the intention of uploading pictures and then I just flat don't do it.  

And I don't even have an excuse!  The I'm tired excuse is in and of itself getting tired!  Nobody cares anymore, including me.  It's just the way it is right now.  Sure it that has something to do with it, I mean I'm literally in mental candy land half the time.  That, along with the fact that I only get 15 minute increments in which to write, just isn't cutting it lately.  I need more time, more uninterrupted time to actually conjure up some creativity. 

The other day I told Ryan I was over writing, I was going to take a break and that the chances of anyone even reading this anymore were slim to none.  He basically told me NO.  Well, he told me some really nice things too, but the gist of it was still NO.  I hummed and haaaa'd for a while and then my kid pooped on the floor and the dog ate it and I was like this, THIS is the shit that is too good not to share! 

So if there is anyone out there who is still reading, as long as chaos ensues, I'll be here. 

And I'm pretty sure with this crew that I'll be here for a nice long while...

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Million Dollar Baby

If only Abner were a Boxer this would be perfect...

Poor sweet bulldog's back is acting up again.  Friday morning he went out to pee and poop as usual but when I wiped his butt, yes I still wipe his butt after every single poop, I noticed he wasn't quite acting normal.  Now, there is really no such thing as "normal" with a bulldog, but he at least has a range or normal; This wasn't it.  His ears were back and he was still, soon he started shaking and panting.  I knew it was his back right away.

I gave him the prescribed in case of emergency muscle relaxer, pain killer cocktail that I kinda wish was for me and called the vet to make an appointment.  I felt an immediate rush of sadness and money leaving my bank account.  Luckily Ryan was home that morning and sat with him quietly as I chased Cache around and went about our routine.  Caches hardly knew what to do with his toast not having a bulldog trying to sneek it out of his hand every two seconds.

At the vet Abner received an additional shot for his pain and an updated x-ray to compare to his previous films.  He had to say the whole day for observation :(

When I picked him up that afternoon the vet reviewed the films with me and it appears that the space around his spinal column is narrowing where the disc is herniated.  This of course pinches the nerves causing pain and a very sad bulldog.  He didn't do anything in particular to irritate it recently, but with an injury like this there is no telling when inflammation will flare up and cause an episode.  Oh wait, he DID jump a baby gate the other day!  Yeah, short, chubby, supposedly nonathletic french bulldog cleared a baby gate from a stand still.  His motivation?  I was in the bathroom and didn't invite him.

ALL my creatures, human and/or animal are INSANE!

So he is currently on three different medications to help ease the pain and has a recheck at the vet tomorrow.     It seems as though he is finally catching on that he needs to mellow out because this time he is somewhat cooperating and laying low.  Of course if anything shiny catches his eye all bets are off, but at least he's trying.  Oh, and he got to ride in the stroller today for a walk in the fresh air.  Nothing more special than a baby on your hip and a bulldog in your stroller.

At this rate I might as well set up a preemptive auto pay to the vet.  Just go ahead and withdraw 500.00 a month and don't tell me about it.  Then at the end of the year we'll call it even, okay?   Sigh.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

12 Months

Caches Michael,

You are 12 months old, one whole year.  Well, your birthday was actually last week, but I was really busy with your party and your "OH MY GOD I MUST WAKE UP EVERY HOUR AND SCREAM" so I didn't post, sorry.  Son, I don't even know where to begin about this year.  I should probably start by holding back the water works, it's not easy to type through tears and snot.  What a year baby boy, what an absolutely life changing year full of soul searching, personal growth, insane amounts of love and mind numbing exhaustion.  Did I mention THE EXHAUSTION?!  Seriously son, could you give mama a break?

If there were a picture in the dictionary under the word passionate, it would be of you.  Caches you KNOW what you want and you go after it with an intensity that is unlike anything I had experienced before you.  If you wake up and want a boob, damn it there had better be one bedside in 2 seconds or someone is losing their head!  You don't make requests, you DEMAND ACTION.  There are no questions, no suggestions and there had better be NO hesitations.  It is completely, out of this world ridiculous but also honest and real!  Your intensity and determination is maddening, yes, but equally rewarding because you love just as intensely as you protest.  When you love something baby, you LOVE it with all your heart and soul.  It is palpable, the whole room can feel it.

And it is that love that has kept both of us alive this past year.  It is the intensity of love that you not only demand from me but that you also give me in return.  Sometimes there is so much love that my heart actually aches. You see, there are no shortcuts in parenting you, no easy way, no advice to follow, no pattern or flow.  You are balls to the walls crazy and you demand the best of me, ALWAYS.  Which if I am being completely honest is really hard.  You see, you typically get the best from a person when they are well rested; I am nowhere near that state, you don't care. You somehow know that if I dig deep within myself I can be the best, always.  

That is something I never knew;  One of many things.  Over this past year you have challenged everything that is in me and I will be the first to say thank you.  You see, I had become pretty comfortable with who I was.  Passive and non confrontational, accepting of things the way they were and not really into rocking the boat.  I am a pretty darn easy going individual.  You, my sweet blue eyed boy, are not.  I am the type who makes the bed and folds the towels in the hotel room so housekeeping doesn't have to.  You are the type to superglue the furniture to the ceiling and set shit on fire!  

Caches, you are the real deal, as real as they come.  You don't edit yourself for the purpose of pleasing others.  You don't care what anyone else's opinion of you may be.  Take it or leave it, this is who you are.  And you are far too busy to bother with the details anyway.   I, like many adults do all of those things.  I edit myself far too often, quieting down when I want to pipe up.  I stay awake when I should be sleeping, I smile when I want to cry and  I put way too much value on others opinions of myself forgetting that the most import opinion is my own.  You have taught me to completely rethink living, how to truly LIVE!  Sometimes I find myself asking, okay fine, BEGGING you to just get over it, accept the way it is, calm down, just smile and nod.  But you don't, you won't. You are you no matter what. 

Never lose that, baby.  Well, to clarify, you should probably lose the screeching at the top of your lungs whenever you darn well please and the screaming in the car at some point if you ever want friends, but that I'm sure will come with age. 

You are walking, more like running everywhere these days and think you are pretty fancy when you figure out how to navigate things like the hose or a step.  Your eyes light up with so much pride for your accomplishments;  Hold on to that pride, baby.  This month you are trying all sorts of new things and mimicking us like crazy.  I suppose that means we should stop swearing.  Shucks!  Yeah, it just doesn't have the same zing.  You have also decided that you have an opinion about what you will and will not eat, how you will eat it and when it will be consumed. Just this morning you had a meltdown when I would not let you dump your oatmeal out of the bowl and wallow in it like a little piggie.  The nerve! 

Caches you are so much happier with your blossoming independence.  There was a time when I thought you may have preferred to stay inside forever, this world was just not right for you.  Then, gradually over the past few months, you have realized that it's actually pretty freakin' sweet after all.  There is water to splash in, doggies to chase, brooms to try to decapitate mama with, rocks to eat, birds that fly, kitties and fire hydrants and OH MY GOD IT'S AWESOME TO BE ALIVE!

And it is.  I thought I was living before you, thought I knew about love, was but I was wrong.  I never stopped to gasp at a bird on a wire, never was in awe of your fathers ability to click his tongue.  I had forgotten all the little magical details that makes life so utterly amazing.  I never knew our house could feel even more alive, but it does.  The energy you bring into this house is intense, awe inspiring and perfect.  Each night when you drift off to sleep and there is a hush across the house I stop to listen to your breath.  In and out as your tiny chest falls and I feel life in its purest, most raw form, your breath.  Your life.  My love.

Happy Birthday baby boy.  There has never and will never be another quite like you.  


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

It's been one HELL of a year

Caches is ONE!

We kept him alive for a whole year, so we had a party!

Thank you to everyone who has supported us on this wild ride.  

Monday, July 2, 2012


Over the course of the day I invested at least an hour or so writing a post about sitting in Abner's vomit and somehow, someway it was lost just as I was about to hit "publish."  You know how difficult it is to get a post written around here...DIFFICULT!  I'm so annoyed but I'm not going to attempt to rewrite it.   I'll just give you the highlights. 

Caches was a hot mess last night and was extra sleep this morning. 

Got him down after an epic battle of wills. 

Microwaved my coffee for possibly the fifth time and sat down to drink it...in Abner's vomit. 

Cleaned up vomit, changed into my third pair of yoga pants for the day, sat down again.

 Cold coffee...