Showing posts from 2011

Coffee Talk

Last night during Caches' two hour screaming breakdown, Abner decided to put a cherry on top of our night by pacing the bedroom acting like he was in pain.  Whether it was his back acting up, his ears burning from the screaming, or his tummy hurting because Ryan and I accidentally both fed them, I don't know (by the way they were SO pumped about that little mishap.  Lilly looked at me like this, THIS is how much food I require at every meal!)  but Ryan passed the baby off to me and lay down with Abner in hopes that he would settle and quit shorting and sniffling and waking up the baby! 

Finally everyone fell asleep in some sort of dysfunctional pile of limbs and stayed that way until morning.  When I emerged from the bedroom half alive and cursing the dawn, I made my way to the kitchen for some brains coffee.  There I saw Ryan standing by the coffee pot kind of looking over his shoulder.

"I have poop on my shoulder!"

"Baby or Abner?"

"I don't reall…

Ho Ho Ho

Oh how they grow...

Ah, Monday

In case you didn't notice the lack of posts last week, there was a lack of posts last week, like none!  It was a rough one.  I was sick, Ryan was dying a slow painful death sick and the baby was so grumpy I was THIS close to sending him back to live with Snow White and the other 6 dwarfs! 

I'm pretty sure the reason for all the snot and tears boils down to one word.  A word so precious that I'd give my left pinky toe to experience it;  SLEEP!  NOBODY SLEEPS IN THIS HOUSE.  Correction, nobody with opposable thumbs sleeps in this house, and to be honest it was getting totally out of hand. 

When Caches's sleep first started regressing I assumed it was a developmental jump or his reflux acting up or something that would pass.  I waited for it to pass, and then I waited some more.  Then I thought, hey, let's wait some more because I didn't almost fall asleep in the shower STANDING UP! 

Then, after being up over 13 times in 11 hours, yes I counted, I found myself get…

Cup A Joe

Caches has become enthralled with cups.   Full cups, empty cups, paper or glass, he loves them all.  Of course he prefers a full cup he can spill, but I digress.  This morning after some much needed coffee was injected directly into my veins slurped from my mug, Ryan gave it to the baby.  I made him get EVERY LAST DRIP out of the mug first because the LAST thing this kid needs is caffeine! 

He was pretty excited

Then he realized it was empty...

5 Months


Today is the first of December and you are five months old.  Mama has a wicked sinus infection or something going on so please forgive me if this is not one of my better letters.  As I write you are napping IN YOUR OWN BED!  Now, this may not seem like all that big of a deal, but for me, for US, this is HUGE.  It took a few weeks of practice and persistence, but you have excelled.  Most days you only cat nap, 20 or 30 minutes, but sometimes you surprise me and doze for an hour or two.

You would think I would rest during this time, because why wouldn't a sleep deprived, half crazy person rest when then child is napping?  Because they have things to do and their baby STILL, at five months, will not allow productivity during normal waking hours!  I am lucky to get my teeth brushed and clothes changed while you are awake.  Caches, you want to be an active part of EVERYTHING. 

You will not settle for sitting around simply observing life.  You want to EAT life!!  Literally, you…

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I don't know about you, but I have the hardest time determining what clothing is appropriate for Caches.  It seems like he would be cold all the time and I should dress him warm but apparently you shouldn't dress baby too warm because they can overheat.  His hands are pretty much freezing no matter what temperature it is outside so that is no help in determining his comfort level.  And just as a side, he likes to rub said freezing hands all over my warm back while nursing causing my body to jump and contort like I have ants in my pants.  Someday kid, you will get an ice cube down your shirt and I will laugh.

Well, I HATE being too hot and only kind of dislike being too cold so I tend to dress Caches on the lighter side.  You know, because I'm sure he feels exactly the same as I do about temperature.  I get a few dirty looks from moms who bundle their babies in 3 fuzzy blankets, a hat and a snow suit, but last time I checked we lived in central California, not Minnesota. 


When You Have A Day That Only A Cupcake With Too Much Icing Will Cure

Only a short time ago I shared Abner's near death experience with anaphylaxis and guess what, he is STILL TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF!!!

Last Tuesday we were all sitting quietly on the couch when all of a sudden Abner jumped up and started walking around as if he were drunk, or having a seizure, or both.  He paced back and forth looking as though he was going to vomit, his sad little face contoured in pain.  I, of course, panic and think the IS in fact dying until I realize that it is more than likely his back.

Sure enough, after the original freak out, he started exhibiting classic symptoms of back pain.  We called our awesome vet who puts HIMSELF on call every night and he told us to give him a muscle relaxer and a pain pill and come in early the next morning. 

Of course all this is happening while the baby is screaming and won't sleep.  So I spent the night in the bedroom with Caches, worrying about Abner all night while Ryan camped out in the front room with the dogs probably…

He's Still Got It

You know how sometimes you say something so witty that it surprises even you?  Yeah, I used to too.  That is until the baby ate my brain.  Fortunately Ryan still has half of his brain left and during Thanksgiving  dinner he pulled out a real gem.  

We were all gathered around the table, enjoying our meal and laughing (Scratch that, THEY were all enjoying their meals.  I was eating left over sweet potato chili and polenta from three nights ago, but I pout and complain digress)  when someone, and I don't even remember who, commented that I had lost all my baby weight.  I thanked them for the complement but because I can't just take a complement and keep my mouth shut, I had to add that I still have about seven pounds to lose and that maybe, just maybe my skirt was cutting off the circulation to my legs. 

Without missing a beat, my lovely husband chimes in, "It's OK babe, baby weight doesn't count, it's like highway miles."

Really!?  Highway miles!?

And I …

Give Thanks

Each day I try to set aside some time to reflect and give thanks.  Some days my attitude is pretty negative and remembering how fortunate I am helps put things in perspective.  Sure, there are days that I don't get around to it, and even days when I plain don't feel like doing it, but this time of year it seems almost impossible to forget.  The holiday season is in full swing and my favorite holiday of all, Thanksgiving, is today.

I love the time spent with family; the laughs, the food, the memories, and that there is little consumerism tied to this holiday.  Sure there is a lot of food advertisements and a few turkey decorations, but nothing like the bombardment of Christmas.  Today is about giving thanks, not gifts.  Being grateful for what you have, not what you want. and boy, do I have A LOT to be thankful for.

This year I have been blessed not only with a gorgeous baby boy, but with an entirely new outlook on life.  Looking into Caches' sparkling eyes, so full of wond…

To Do

I love lists.  Let me reiterate that, I LOVE LISTS.  I make lists for everything; The market, my day, shopping, household chores, you name it, I list it.  I think part of the reason I love to make lists is so that I can cross things off.  There is noting quite as satisfyingly as crossing things off of a list.  And when you get to cross off the LAST ITEM, pure bliss.  I even add things like "brush teeth" to my lists just for the satisfaction of crossing them off.  Or maybe it is because I can't even remember my own name these days, but I digress.

Pre-baby, my lists were ambitious and usually complete by the days end.  They looked a little something like this.  Walk dogs, laundry, iron, vacuum, steam mop, market, make dinner, work out, call so and so, email so and so, blog. 

Now my lists look like this.  Walk dogs, brush teeth, keep the baby from crying all day. 

Today my list looks like this.  1) Drink coffee 2) Resist selling the baby at Wal Mart. Seriously, that is ille…

Chit Chat

Caches has become rather chatty lately
It is so fun to listen to him discovering his voice 
Sounds kinda like this...

The Day I Ran Away.

If you have read my blog or seen my hagged face lately, you know that the past few months have been a bit rough.  When I found out I was pregnant I in no way thought it was going to be easy.  I knew I was in for a life changing experience.  I expected to miss out on activities, loose sleep and rearrange everything about my daily life, but I NEVER, even in my wildest dreams expected to have Rosemary's Baby!

I swear if his head spins and he spews peas I'M OUT OF HERE!

As of late, things have calmed down around here, at least during the day, but for a while there were a few pockets of time each day when Caches would SCREAM like someone was pulling off his toenails one by one for hours straight.  NO breaks, NO chance of soothing him, just screaming!!  And though your heart breaks a little bit every time you hear your baby cry, there is a part of me that became a bit hardened to sound.  You just can't listen to something so awful, so often and not start to tune it out.  It is …

The Simple Things

Like watching the rain

When you have a baby 
you realize how jaded you yourself have become
Everything old is new again 
And watching him mesmerized by the rain 
makes me remember how beautiful it is

Brain Check, Aisle 3

It is a rarity that I leave the house without my side kick but when I do, I FREAKING LOVE IT.  And I don't even feel guilty saying that.  Me, the guilt queen, NO GUILT.  It is like heaven in the car with no screaming and music, not white noise on the radio.  Then, when I get to my destination I have not one, but two whole hands and almost 25% of a brain to accomplish my errands.

So you can imagine my delight when a few weeks ago I got to go the market ALONE.  I gathered my shopping bags and was out of the house so fast I don't even remember leaving.  Once at the market I filled my cart and headed to check out in record time.  Ahh, I am nice...wait, NO where is my wallet?  Please don't tell me...I was doing so good...Shit, that 25% of a brain really let me down this time.

Yeah, since eliminating my purse for a diaper bag that I don't bring with me when I'm sans baby I tend to forget that minor detail.  I'm kinda like that friend that everyone has one o…

A Favorite

Hundreds of pictures have been snapped in the past 4 months.  
This is one of my favorites

It's Oh So Quiet...

NOT.  I never realized how loud my house was until I had a baby.   And of course I would have one of the most sensitive sleepers EVER!  I have no idea where he gets it from ME.  You know how a lot of babies sleep soundly in the car seat while their parents shop in Target?  Not mine.  Every creak in the floor, every knee or knuckle crack sounds like an alarm to him.  I take a deep breathe while holding him and he startles.  And don't even get me started on DOG TOENAILS ON THE HARDWOOD FLOORS.

Why is it that the second the kid falls asleep Lilly and Abner feel the need to do laps.  TICK TICK TICK all the way down the hall.  Oh, is the baby sleeping?  Cool, let me flap my ears or snort really loudly before I TICK TICK TICK back down the hall!!  I swear I'm giving Lilly an ear bra and cutting OFF Abner's toenails for Christmas. 

When the baby falls asleep and I morph into a ninja.  First I have to ninja creep out of the room careful not to let my ankles crack as I slip away. …

Of Course THIS Would Happen

I'm not sure if I ever wrote about it here, but when Abner was a baby he went into anaphylactic shock after receiving his puppy shots.  Thank goodness we were just down the street from the vet when I noticed that he didn't look quite right and ran back in where they were able to save his life.  Because of this, from now on when Abner gets shots he has to be both pre and post medicated and stay at the vet for a few hours of observation.  Can you say HIGH NEEDS...

Anyway, we are extremely careful with him and had never had a problem with his allergies until a few weeks ago.  On Saturday morning, after his morning pee, I noticed that his face looked a bit swollen.  I figured he got into something and gave him a Benadryl.  A few hours later the swelling was gone and he was fine...until Sunday morning when he was covered in HIVES!!

Assuming he was getting into something in the yard, Ryan and I scoured every inch trying to find what could possible be giving him a reaction.  It could…

Lightbulb Moments

A while back, before Caches was born, I was scanning the TV guide and saw that Wheel of Fortune was on.  For some reason I hit the info button and the info stated that this was a game show based on the classic game of hangman.

What??  Are you serious?? Why did this NEVER occur to me??  I love Wheel of Fortune but I had never, until this point, put two and two together that it WAS hangman!!!  I thought this was a breakthrough, that nobody else knew this.  I felt like Charlie with a golden ticket running home to share the news with my family!!

"Ryan...did you know that Wheel of Fortune is based off of hangman???"

He gave me the look.  The look that says I'm sorry you are so dumb babe.  I'm going to just go ahead and keep my mouth shut because my mom told me if I didn't have anything nice to say not to say anything at all.

"Did you know this?  I just realized it after reading the info about the show!!"

"Um, yeah.  I think you are about the only one th…

Picture Friday

Remember picture Friday in school when class by class you were shuffled into the gym, lined up and one by one a photographer snapped your individual photo and a class shot?  And then there was the picture "form" that you had to bring home and fill out before picture day.  Your parents had to choose how much they loved you many pictures they actually wanted to purchase of you sitting in front of some banal backdrop with a half assed smile on your face.  How many wallets should I order? many people do I know that want to carry around a picture of my awkward 3ed grader in their wallet?  Make that ZERO...I mean, 25...yes sweetie, I'll pass out all 25.

Then, 10 years later while going through your belongings before heading off to college you find 150 wallet sized photos documenting your killer fashion sense through the 80's shoved in some drawer because guess what, nobody wants them.  I'm sure my mom, like yours, checked a few boxes to make you feel loved …

Point of View

When Caches is fussy sometimes he calms down when we go outside.  I think the fresh air and change of scenery kind of distract him.  I decided to bring a blanket outside and see if he'd like to lay down under the olive tree and have a chat.

Of course within 30 seconds the cat was at my side chirping and rubbing for attention.  We pet her for a while and then she jumped up the tree and perched above us.  I'm not going to lie, I felt kind of weird having her hovering above my head in the tree like she was planning some sort of attack.  What if she pooped?  I know she's not a bird, but stranger things have happened.

Here was our view...

 Looking up...
Looking down...

Rules Were Made to be Broken?

I am a rule follower.  The extreme kind of rule follower that even hates when other people break rules.  The kind that in fact LOVES rules! I want to know exactly what is expected of me at ALL times.  That way I have less of a chance of letting anyone down or getting in trouble.  I am terrified of getting in trouble.  Maybe it's because I am the worst liar EVER and would hate to have to make up an excuse or maybe it is because I have anxiety and will do anything to avoid confrontation. Whatever the reason, I follow rules...OK, maybe I speed just a little but that's more of a guideline. 

At the supermarket if I put crackers in my basket and decide I don't want said crackers I walk my happy ass BACK TO THE CRACKER aisle and put them back where they belong!! A concept I wish others would catch onto.  I don't want to buy ice cream and realize it's all pre-melted and icky because some asshole put it in the cereal aisle when they changed their mind.   Now, I'm not t…

Happy Halloween

Our first Halloween was a success.  And by success I mean his costume kind of worked, he kind of enjoyed trick or treating...all 3 houses, and we made it to bed by 7 with only a few meltdowns. 

 I think the Black Widow costume was fitting as he is STILL trying to kill me...I was his web.  True in so many ways...

 On Sunday we carved pumpkins!  Caches was kind of interested, but not really...

 Abner on the other hand was PUMPED as usual and very, very helpful

 Ryan's pumpkin was a drooling cry baby...can you guess his inspiration?

Some Creep!
Family Fun
I am already looking forward to next year when Caches will be a bit more fun and possibly enjoy the carving, dressing up, decorations, etc.  If not, at least we have the dog!

Pull Your Skirt Down...Your OCD is Showing

When I started this blog just over 2 years ago it was going to be a kind of update center for family and friends that lived afar.  A few pictures and sentiments and that's it.  Needless to say it has morphed quite a bit over those 2 years and I hope to keep it going and changing for many years to come.  I mean the material with dogs ALONE gave me countless posts and now that there is a kid in the mix...endless material!

I flatter myself to think that even one third of my 29 "followers" regularly read this blog, really I do.  But 29 followers... not 28, not 30, but 29?  That is where the OCD starts oozing from my pores.  Every single time I log on to write or update I see that number and my eye starts to twitch.  I have even considered making a false email account and following myself just to make a damn round number. 

So, if anyone out there in cyberspace reads this...even if it is only every once and a while, please,  do a crazy, sleep deprived, cut finger, limping, eye…

Is This Some Kind of Joke?

I am so tired that I don't even know how my fingers are tapping the keys right now.  Oh wait, they aren't!!  I have only typed one sentence and have already had to fix like 7 errors due to the fingers NOT working.  I also have a band aid on my middle finger from a blender incident, a wrap around my ankle from a falling off of the bouncy ball I spend 20 hours a day on incident, and the meanest set of raccoon eyes this side of Lindsay Lohan.

I am literally falling apart; my body is shutting down.  At first my body was like OK, cool, I like a challenge.  But now it's like fuck you crazy lady, I'm out.  White flag waving from its one good arm, hobbling down the hall like Quasimodo as I run after it begging it to bounce just one more time so the kid stops screaming.

It is torture.

Did you know that a person can actually die from lack of sleep and/or from their sleep being repeatedly interrupted never allowing deep sleep to set in?  DIE...DEAD...DONE!! Rats have actually b…


The other morning I was attempting a word search on the back of my cereal box when Ryan came into the kitchen

"What are you doing?"

"A word search"

"Cool, I'm good at word searches"

"So am I.  And don't help, it's my therapy right now"

I feel him peeking over my shoulder and I sense that he has found a word that I'm looking for

"I said don't help"

"I'm not going to...I'm good at crossword puzzles too"

"Yeah, so am I.  If I know the answers to the questions"

"Um, yeah, that is kind of the whole idea.  If you know the answers then all it is is filling in letters"

"Well then I'm good at filling in the letters"

"I found one of your words..."

"Fuck off"

The love in this house first thing in the morning is so sweet

16 Weeks

4 months old

I have decided that it is time to stop the weekly picture and do more of a monthly newsletter.  Not only because he is changing less drastically each week, but because there is nothing more annoying than asking someone how old their baby is and getting the reply, 27 weeks. 
Caches Michael,
Today, well, two days ago, you turned four months old.  Why two days late, mama?  Because you are still proving to be one of the most difficult human beings on the planet.  You don't like me to get any housework or errands done and think that the world revolves around you, and quite frankly, you are correct.  You are a tiny tornado.  A passionate, spirited individual who knows what you what when you want it and damn it we better deliver.  
You already are showing us your personality and maybe, just maybe, your sense of humor.  You have absolutely no patience or state control and go from happy bubbly baby to Freddy Crouger in a matter of 3 seconds.  Fortunately you are also starting to…


Ryan fractured his foot and was supposed to keep off of it for at least a week and then take it easy for 4-6 weeks.

Looks like he's following Dr.'s orders

After snapping these incriminating photos I reminded Ryan that he wouldn't even let me walk around Target when I had a broken vagina but he thought it was appropriate to climb the fence and trim our tree with a broken foot?  Not smart buddy. 

*This happened like 2 months ago so don't send Ryan a get well soon card

Part Deux

*You can read part one here

We left off with me wanting desperately to fix my poor kid, and fix him I tried!!  I tried EVERYTHING!  Different feeding positions, different feeding techniques.  Gas drops, gripe water, chewing prunes 50 times, the swing, the happiest baby on the block book,  EVERY possible book!! Inside, outside, google fussy baby, google screaming baby, google I WANT TO DIE, BABY WON'T STOP SCREAMING, stand on my fucking head and clap my feet, but nothing seemed to help.  I gave up dairy, soy, peanuts and gluten.  Shit I even went on a total elimination diet and ate nothing but rice, squash, apples, pears, potatoes and chicken for 10 days.  Yes, you read that right, I ate CHICKEN for the first time in over 13 years and no, I did not like it thankyouverymuch. 

As you can imagine, after each failure I felt more and more like one myself.  I was incredibly discouraged and found myself wanting to cry all day long with the baby and there were days I did. 

I know I am r…

15 Weeks

I'm getting SOOO big
 I'm holding my head up and looking all around...
 But my head is pretty heavy
Face plant!!

Brace Face

A few evenings ago, Caches let me put him down for a few minutes so I ventured out of my cave into the front room to hang out with Ryan. We were catching up on the events if the day when he pauses and looks at me a bit sideways

"Are you wearing your retainers?"

"No, why?"

"Because you are slurring your words like crazy!"

"I'M TIRED!!!!"

"Well you sound drunk"

"I wish I was!!"

So, I'm a Liar


I know I promised that I'd write on Sunday, but somehow Sunday has turned into Wednesday and yet another task I promised myself I'd complete was left undone.

If you are a friend of mine, or even an online follower, you may be asking yourself where the hell did she go?  Or maybe you don't care or maybe you didn't even notice that I dropped off the face of the real world for a few months, but just in case you do care...I'm alive, well kind of. 

I REALLY wanted to chronicle my struggle with Caches as it was happening day by day, but days turned into weeks turned into months turned into October....what?  It is OCTOBER??? We had a Summer?  September happened this year??  TARGET STILL EXISTS??? HOLY SHIT!!!   

I am going to go back to the beginning and in a few different parts catch you up to where we currently stand.  So, now that we have established that I am kind of alive and will only kind of make sense, here we go. 

Act 1:

The first 6 weeks of Caches lif…

Smells Like Fall

Fall is among us...the trees are washed in color and there is a nip in the air;  I LOVE this season.  Not only does in contain both Halloween and Thanksgiving, but it gives me an excuse to eat PUMPKIN EVERYTHING!!  Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin smoothies, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin curry, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin till your skin turns orange!! 

This year all of the above recipes will need to be modified to gluten, soy and dairy free in order to accommodate my sidekicks tummy troubles, but I'm up for the challenge. 

Today we went to the pumpkin patch and collected a few decorative pumpkins and of course a few carving pumpkins.  Wonder what I'll carve this year...a bed?  A nice cozy bed that all I want to do is crawl into and sleep for one hundred eighty years!!! are a few pictures of our day.  Ryan promises to be on baby duty tomorrow so guess what...I'm actually going to WRITE!!  Yep, a real, live post...with words and perhaps, just perhaps coherent thou…

14 Weeks and a Tiny Update

This is the first time I have even touched the computer since last week when I posted a pathetic 2 lines and a picture.  I truly miss blogging and PROMISE I will be back at it soon.  My first post will likely explain where I have been and why I stopped posting. 


I have a list on my phone about 30 pages long of things I'd like to post about so when I get back to it there will be some catching up to do.  I hope there are still a few of you that keep checking back and haven't given up on me. 

98 Days

13 Weeks

Splish splash, I was takin a bath
...and outgrowing my tub!!

Oh How They Grow

Because I still haven't gotten around to actually writing a are some pictures to tide you over.  I promise I will write again soon.