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Showing posts from June, 2010

By-products or Buy-products

I just saw a commercial for dog food that reminded me how much I hate dog/cat food commercials.  This one in particular was selling prime rib wet dog food and was supposed to make me feel like a horrible pet owner because I don't give my dogs prime rib.

 REALLY?

PRIME RIB?

I am willing to bet that there is no "real" prime rib in this can of dog food, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.  It bothered me so much that I looked up the company's website and ingredients...

Sufficient water for processing, beef by-products, liver, meat by-products, chicken by-products, beef, calcium carbonate, natural flavors, sodium tripolyphosphate, carmel coloring, carrageenan, dried yam, xanthan gum, potassium chloride, salt, erythorbic acid, prime rib flavor, guar gum, zinc sulfate, sodium nitrate (for color), vitamin A, D3, and E supplements, D-calcium, pantothenate, thiamine mononitrate (vitamin B1)

Sounds delicious doesn't it.  First of all,  notice the amount of animal by-…

Powder

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Just came across this picture from when we went camping in Big Sur.  This is a very rare albino redwood tree that grew near our campsite.  No flash or special lighting, that foliage is WHITE. 

Pretty neat!

Zoo Animal

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Do not stick your fingers in the cage, the pig WILL bite

Clean up, aisle three

Over the past nine months, quite a few people have asked me what it is like to be married, if I like being married and if it is what I thought it would be. I am not sure how I am supposed to respond or if they are expecting a certain response so I usually just give a very banal, cliché, non-colorful response like, “oh, it’s going well," or "we are figuring each other out."

Lame.

I want to ask them to rephrase the question. Give me something to go off of. Are you an angry single person who wants me to say that it is horrible and I wish I’d left him at alter? Are you a happy, stupid in love person who wants me to gush over how cute my husbands ass is and all the nice little things he does for me, OR are you the common I don’t give a shit it’s just the nice thing to ask when you find out someone just got married person.

These are things I need to know before answering. It is like the old standard response to, “how are you?” Everyone just says, “fine.” And both people feel …

Fine, You Win

As you know, I recently found out  that walking is not considered a form of exercise.  And while I am still on the fence about this, I have started saving up to purchase an elliptical machine.

Seeing as the only two times in my life that I had a gym membership all I did was the elliptical machine, it sounds like a good investment.  In the mean time I have been jumping rope, doing my pilaties videos, lifting weights, and complaining about it.

In all honesty, I am kind of excited.

Weird

When I'm bored at breakfast...

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Abner; made with a nutella banana sandwich and french fries. 

Mmm, now I want nutella

Sick as a dog

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Lilly and I were up all night with diarrhea and vomiting spells, her's not mine. By 4:30am I was so tired of getting up and down that I built her a down comforter fort by the sofa and we camped out in the living room.

She is still not feeling well but I'm hoping a little extra love and some fresh chicken and quinoa will do the trick. I HATE when my dogs are sick, I wish they could talk so I would know what was wrong and could make them feel better. On second thought, I'll stick with the not talking.

Oh the stories they'd tell...

You're kidding, right

So, the other day I went to the Doctor for a physical. Sounds pretty boring right? Like why the hell do you care? Well, I haven't been to the doctor for a physical in 10+ years.

Now before you get all OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE on me, let me explain. I have a gynecologist that I see annually and quite frankly, I see no other reason to go to the doctor. Unless of course I'm dying, which I am not, or at least I don't think I am.

Anyway, there I sat, waiting for the doctor...waiting, still waiting, STILL WAITING, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DOCTOR. Oh, hello. Here, take my blood pressure. 140 over 96. Are you kidding me? Sorry, I'm just nervous, my blood pressure is usually really low.

I then began to nervously ramble, telling the doctor my entire life story and ending with the fact that I don't like doctors; sorry doc, but I don't. She proceeded to ask me a variety of questions including a few RANDOM ones like if I wore my seat belt. Yes, I do, in fac…

So sleepy

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Abner does everything in excess, including yawning. He must yawn twenty times each time he wakes up, sometimes in groups of 3 or 4 where his mouth never closes. You'd think I would have captured a cute yawn picture by now but NO. Every time he is on a roll and I take out my camera he stops.

Such an asshole.

Come to think of it, he stops doing ANYTHING cute or entertaining when my camera comes out.

Typical

Slumber Party

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My incredibly beautiful and long lost to San Diego friend Suzanne came to visit this entire past week. She stayed with Ryan and I while her dog Jack stayed with my mom. I know this sounds a bit odd, but with our two dogs, Georgia, my hair, and Suzanne’s hair, one more dog was just out of the question.

My vacuum would have exploded!

Totally kidding, maybe. Her dog stayed with my mom because he and Abner do not get along. I can’t imagine why though. I mean, doesn’t every dog love it when another fat wombat pig of a dog is constantly jumping up in their face and wanting to play and barking and rolling around on the floor like a turtle who’s turned over on it’s shell? Come on, lighten up, Jack!

Anyway, with dogs in their appropriate locations we had a BLAST. Lucky for me it was a busy week and Suzanne didn’t have to see what a total bore I really am. We hung by the pool in Carmel, went to my friend Pam’s baby shower, Noelle’s birthday party, had a BBQ, made homemade macaroni and …

Is is too much?

I have been wanting to change the look of my blog for a while now. Unfortunately every time I try I have an uncontrollable urge to use black because that is the only color worth using really. But then I think maybe not everyone appreciates black like I do and end up just leaving it as is.

Well today after logging on to FINALLY post something I saw this fancy template and thought, "what the hell." It is WAY too bright and cheery for my taste, but maybe you all like it...or maybe I should go black?

Opinions welcomed

Some things better left unsaid...

If Ryan were Superman, his kryptonite's would be mayonnaise and sour cream. Needless to say whenever we go out to eat there is always a firm, NO MAYO ON MY SANDWICH or NO SOUR CREAM ANYWHERE NEAR MY NACHOS! I know he really wants to pull a Bruce Willis and say, "if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door."

At breakfast:

Waitress: Here you go. (puts Ryan's plate down with a HUGE gob of sour cream)

Me: Oh, he didn't want sour cream

Ryan: No words, just making a face as though someone had just shit on his foot

Waitress: Oh my gosh I am so sorry, you did say no sour cream, here let me take it back...are you allergic?

Ryan: No, it just makes me want to vomit!

Me: Check please

Dog Pile

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We decided to rearrange the living room this weekend and I must say that I am more than pleased with the result. Now that the chaise is against a wall and not at an angle in the room, we can actually use it! Amazing new concept, right?

Ryan and I aren't the only ones with a new found use for the chaise lounge. All of a sudden it EXISTS to the dogs. That chaise was in the room for over a year and not once had Lilly set paw on it. Now she thinks that it, along with all of our furniture, is HERS!

Whatever makes her happy, I just like it because we can all fit at the same time and cuddle. To be honest, this was not all that comfortable for my back, and my arm may have been completely asleep but I wasn't about to move, not when there was a sleeping pup on my chest.

A place for everything and everything in its place

Not only is this a catchy phrase and quite honestly music to my ears, but it also encompasses the very way my brain functions. I am not sure why, but my mind moves a million miles an hour and is always thinking about more than one thing at a time. This is why it helps me to have everything where it belongs; in my mind and in my living space. You see, if things are out of place it makes for quite the circus event.

If I walk into the bedroom to get dressed and everything isn’t in its proper place I can not get dressed until it is. It is like invasion of the body snatchers and I can’t control it. All of a sudden my arms are making the bed and opening the blinds and straightening the picture frames and fluffing the pillows. Then my legs take over and walk me to the hamper which I see has enough whites for a load of wash and before I know it I am standing in the laundry room still in my pajamas.

Wash started, off to get dressed, but in order to walk back to my bedroom from the laundry…

Just so you know...

When I first started this blog I was unaware that in order to comment you had to sign up for google and/or something else complicated and annoying. I have changed the settings so anyone can comment at any time.

It will show up anonymous so if you want me to know who you are you have to sign your name. If you are making a nasty comment and don't want me to know who you are, that's OK too, just don't sign your name. But know this, karma is a bitch and so is my dog that will track you down and sit on you until you beg for mercy.

Bring it on!