You're kidding, right
So, the other day I went to the Doctor for a physical. Sounds pretty boring right? Like why the hell do you care? Well, I haven't been to the doctor for a physical in 10+ years.
Now before you get all OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE on me, let me explain. I have a gynecologist that I see annually and quite frankly, I see no other reason to go to the doctor. Unless of course I'm dying, which I am not, or at least I don't think I am.
Anyway, there I sat, waiting for the doctor...waiting, still waiting, STILL WAITING, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DOCTOR. Oh, hello. Here, take my blood pressure. 140 over 96. Are you kidding me? Sorry, I'm just nervous, my blood pressure is usually really low.
I then began to nervously ramble, telling the doctor my entire life story and ending with the fact that I don't like doctors; sorry doc, but I don't. She proceeded to ask me a variety of questions including a few RANDOM ones like if I wore my seat belt. Yes, I do, in fact I am pretty sure the car won't start unless you are wearing one, right mom? If I wore sunscreen? Did you not see this pasty white skin before you? And if I exercised...
Oh shit, I didn't know this was going to be on the exam. "Yes," I answered confidently, "I do exercise." She wanted to know how much and what type of exercise, and that is when my blood pressure rose to hypertension.
I walk the dogs every day for about an hour and sometimes I do some sit ups and my husband and I have push up competitions during commercial breaks of The Biggest Loser. But it is off season for that show, so I haven't done a push up in a few weeks, but I walk A LOT.
Once she was able to stop laughing at me, she informed me that walking was NOT exercise and I was like wait, what? I thought walking 30min a day WAS exercising. Well, according to her walking would be exercise if I was over 50 or overweight but the fact that I am under 30 and of normal weight meant that walking as a form of exercise was a joke.
She is kidding right? No, I actually think she is serious because now she is lecturing me about the fact that my good genes will only take me so far and that it is time for me to stop relying on my genes alone. But you don't understand! It is the genes that have made my cookie habit possible, you can't take the genes away, I'LL DIE!
For the next few days I told everyone how offended I was because I DO exercise and they were like, why are you talking again? So I figured maybe she was right, maybe walking isn't exercise. I mean, I am moving but I am not raising my heart rate.
Fine doctor, you win, are you happy now, you officially made me feel like a gene abusing asshole who has been kidding herself for years. Now all I can think about is how lazy I am which makes me want a cookie but OH NO, we can't simply rely on the genes to burn off the cookie calories.
I knew I didn't like doctors.
Now before you get all OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE on me, let me explain. I have a gynecologist that I see annually and quite frankly, I see no other reason to go to the doctor. Unless of course I'm dying, which I am not, or at least I don't think I am.
Anyway, there I sat, waiting for the doctor...waiting, still waiting, STILL WAITING, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DOCTOR. Oh, hello. Here, take my blood pressure. 140 over 96. Are you kidding me? Sorry, I'm just nervous, my blood pressure is usually really low.
I then began to nervously ramble, telling the doctor my entire life story and ending with the fact that I don't like doctors; sorry doc, but I don't. She proceeded to ask me a variety of questions including a few RANDOM ones like if I wore my seat belt. Yes, I do, in fact I am pretty sure the car won't start unless you are wearing one, right mom? If I wore sunscreen? Did you not see this pasty white skin before you? And if I exercised...
Oh shit, I didn't know this was going to be on the exam. "Yes," I answered confidently, "I do exercise." She wanted to know how much and what type of exercise, and that is when my blood pressure rose to hypertension.
I walk the dogs every day for about an hour and sometimes I do some sit ups and my husband and I have push up competitions during commercial breaks of The Biggest Loser. But it is off season for that show, so I haven't done a push up in a few weeks, but I walk A LOT.
Once she was able to stop laughing at me, she informed me that walking was NOT exercise and I was like wait, what? I thought walking 30min a day WAS exercising. Well, according to her walking would be exercise if I was over 50 or overweight but the fact that I am under 30 and of normal weight meant that walking as a form of exercise was a joke.
She is kidding right? No, I actually think she is serious because now she is lecturing me about the fact that my good genes will only take me so far and that it is time for me to stop relying on my genes alone. But you don't understand! It is the genes that have made my cookie habit possible, you can't take the genes away, I'LL DIE!
For the next few days I told everyone how offended I was because I DO exercise and they were like, why are you talking again? So I figured maybe she was right, maybe walking isn't exercise. I mean, I am moving but I am not raising my heart rate.
Fine doctor, you win, are you happy now, you officially made me feel like a gene abusing asshole who has been kidding herself for years. Now all I can think about is how lazy I am which makes me want a cookie but OH NO, we can't simply rely on the genes to burn off the cookie calories.
I knew I didn't like doctors.
Walking is not exercise and you are kidding yourself...Love Nic
ReplyDeleteThanks for reiterating bro
ReplyDeleteFind a new doctor
ReplyDeleteI know where you can do a real workout....lifting and all. Location...right in my yard . You can lift tarps and bins loaded with clippings and walk up and down hills to the truck and then really lift to unload everything. No time limits and no fee for joining...plus fresh air. Think about it !
ReplyDeletemom