Clean up, aisle three
Over the past nine months, quite a few people have asked me what it is like to be married, if I like being married and if it is what I thought it would be. I am not sure how I am supposed to respond or if they are expecting a certain response so I usually just give a very banal, cliché, non-colorful response like, “oh, it’s going well," or "we are figuring each other out."
Lame.
I want to ask them to rephrase the question. Give me something to go off of. Are you an angry single person who wants me to say that it is horrible and I wish I’d left him at alter? Are you a happy, stupid in love person who wants me to gush over how cute my husbands ass is and all the nice little things he does for me, OR are you the common I don’t give a shit it’s just the nice thing to ask when you find out someone just got married person.
These are things I need to know before answering. It is like the old standard response to, “how are you?” Everyone just says, “fine.” And both people feel like they have earned their kindness badge for the day and we all move on. But then there is the rare person that presses when you just say, “fine.”
Um, I don’t know what to say, nobody ever asks me to elaborate, let me grab my notes.
Of course there is always the dreaded person with verbal diarrhea lurking in the shadows just WAITING for someone to ask how they are and BAM, word vomit all over your shoes.
They hate their job, they hate their husband, their kids hate them, they are broke, they have no life, no fun, no time for themselves and before you know it your ears are literally bleeding and you are stuck looking for a nice way out of this conversation because you are worried that if you run away they will go kill themselves and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.
I mean we ALL want to complain and unload our sorrows sometimes, but there is a time and a place. It costs about 100 dollars and hour and comes with a comfy couch, if you are lucky.
I believe we should all think about the question we are asking before we ask. Do you really care or are you just being nice. If you really care then say so and I can give you a lovely, well thought out answer but if you are just trying to get your Girl Scout badge then I can save us both some time and just say, “fine."
As a rule, assume if a person is checking your groceries or just passing by that they are only being polite and appreciate the thought, but save them the trip home to change their shoes.
Oh, by the way, if you do care, being married is nothing like what I thought it would be and I love it; we are doing really great.
Please don't respond to this with the fact that it may be easy now BUT it is only going to get harder, or a just wait until you have kids, horror story.
You want a horror story, I recently discovered that my husband cuts his nails in the shower. I'm not sure I would have married him had I known that prior.
I'm grouchy, must be the exercise
Lame.
I want to ask them to rephrase the question. Give me something to go off of. Are you an angry single person who wants me to say that it is horrible and I wish I’d left him at alter? Are you a happy, stupid in love person who wants me to gush over how cute my husbands ass is and all the nice little things he does for me, OR are you the common I don’t give a shit it’s just the nice thing to ask when you find out someone just got married person.
These are things I need to know before answering. It is like the old standard response to, “how are you?” Everyone just says, “fine.” And both people feel like they have earned their kindness badge for the day and we all move on. But then there is the rare person that presses when you just say, “fine.”
Um, I don’t know what to say, nobody ever asks me to elaborate, let me grab my notes.
Of course there is always the dreaded person with verbal diarrhea lurking in the shadows just WAITING for someone to ask how they are and BAM, word vomit all over your shoes.
They hate their job, they hate their husband, their kids hate them, they are broke, they have no life, no fun, no time for themselves and before you know it your ears are literally bleeding and you are stuck looking for a nice way out of this conversation because you are worried that if you run away they will go kill themselves and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.
I mean we ALL want to complain and unload our sorrows sometimes, but there is a time and a place. It costs about 100 dollars and hour and comes with a comfy couch, if you are lucky.
I believe we should all think about the question we are asking before we ask. Do you really care or are you just being nice. If you really care then say so and I can give you a lovely, well thought out answer but if you are just trying to get your Girl Scout badge then I can save us both some time and just say, “fine."
As a rule, assume if a person is checking your groceries or just passing by that they are only being polite and appreciate the thought, but save them the trip home to change their shoes.
Oh, by the way, if you do care, being married is nothing like what I thought it would be and I love it; we are doing really great.
Please don't respond to this with the fact that it may be easy now BUT it is only going to get harder, or a just wait until you have kids, horror story.
You want a horror story, I recently discovered that my husband cuts his nails in the shower. I'm not sure I would have married him had I known that prior.
I'm grouchy, must be the exercise
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