Saturday, August 21, 2010

Who stinks?

In my ever evolving, never ending journey to rid my cosmetic case and family of toxins I have tried over 10 different types of deodorant and guess what, toxins make you smell nice!  I have yet to find one that doesn't give up on me by noon. 

Not that I sweat profusely or am unclean, but a grown woman needs a good deodorant.  I don't even mind if I still sweat, but I'd prefer not to smell like musty twelve year old boy at the end of my day, thank you very much.

It is obviously less noticable on days when I don't do a lot of physical activity, but lately I have been working pretty hard WITH STEAM BILLOWING IN MY FACE and let me put it this way, my need/want for a good deodorant that actually works is climbing my priority list. 

On Wednesday I had my first set of "dry runs," which basically means I do a full shift of facials on employees of the spa who critique me.  Well, halfway through with my nerves going and the steam heating up, I was wondering if it was my guest or me that smelt a little ripe.  Upon lifting my arm it became apparent that it was ME.

Mortified, I ran to the bathroom between guests and did a quick white trash shower but who was I kidding, I was forever going to be known as B.O girl.  I can see it now, I walk into the break room and a hush falls because they are all talking about the esthetician with the B.O!  I haven't even been there a month and I'm already a freak!

Anyway, Friday were my final dry runs which I had to pass in order to get on the schedule and start working for real; and by for real I mean making more than minimum wage and TIPS.  Well, Friday morning I'm getting ready and I see my hippie deodorant and think no, not today, today I wear Ryan's toxic deodorant.

By the way, Ryan's deodorant is "off limits" when it comes to my detoxifying.  According to him I can take away his paper towels and Suave shampoo, but  I best not TOUCH THE OLD SPICE!  And if and when he complains about something like getting yelled at for using a paper towel, I always have the guilty excuse of, "I'M SOOOO SORRY FOR TYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, AT LEAST YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR DAMN DEODORANT!"

I smeared it on not even thinking that I would soon smell like a man and not only be the B.O girl, but also be the girl that sometimes smells like a MAN.  Good god, I was never meant for the public eye!

So about 3 facials in I started to smell Old Spice and I was like mmm, nice.  But then for the next three hours I didn't know weather to take a shower or make out with myself. 

Oh life, you are so amusing.

Friday, August 20, 2010

After a long day...

Abner likes to sit back a relax with a nice glass of Cabernet

Don't worry, Mama will finish the bottle

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Just when I thought the kids couldn't get any more obscure...

I walk into the bathroom and THIS is what I see.  My cat and dog rolling around playing in the bathtub!  Aren't dogs and cats supposed to be afraid of the bathtub?  Only my kids.  God help me if I ever have any of the human variety. 

Might as well book the psychologist now, they tend to have a wait list. 

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

So Disappointed

Today one of my favorite stores of all time let me down in a big way;  Target, you have disappointed me. 

I went in for a few items including a pumice stone and walked out with a few items, plus a few more items and maybe a few more items, but NO pumice stone.  I foolishly assumed it would be simple to find a pumice stone but after a good effort of looking on my own, I decided to ask for help. 

"A what?"  asked the Target team member.  "A pumice stone, you know, like to clean hard water spots and toilets." 

Well she had never heard of a pumice stone and told me they had some in the foot care section.  I think you are misunderstanding me Miss, I don't want to scrub my feet I want to scrub my toilets! Oh sorry, we don't have that.


They do however carry approximately 30 other cleaning products that will chemically dissolve the hard water over the course of a month, make your shit literally smell like roses and/or turn your toilet water that bright clean blue color; all effortlessly of course.  No thanks.

I spent the next 10 minutes walking up and down the aisles like a crazy person talking to herself about what the world is coming to.  Is a pumice stone really too much to ask for?

I mean a pumice stone actually WORKS, immediately.  I would like to go on record right here and now that the only way to clean a toilet is to GET OVER IT and put your damn hand in the toilet bowl and scrub for god's sake.  It wont' kill you!   It's not like there is still shit in there and if there is you have bigger problems on your hands than a hard water ring.

I guess I'll have to go to an old school store and get my pumice stone.  Clearly Target is too hip for me.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Missing in action

Wow, the past few weeks have been nothing short of crazy.  I planned on announcing this BEFORE it started, but obviously that didn't happen so...guess what, I got a new job.

99% of the people reading this just rolled their eyes because they already knew and were hoping for something exciting, but for the possible one person that didn't know, now you are up to speed. 

The same person that didn't know about the job probably didn't know that I am an aesthetician who has been working as a nanny for the past year or so.  While I loved the little boy I took care of, I wanted to get back into the skin care world asap.  Enter new job. 

Well, this new job requires some extra training.  8 weeks to be exact.  I know, I know why did I go to esthetic school for 600 hours if I still need 8 weeks of training?  I have no idea, but I am half way through and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

The training wouldn't be bad if it was held here locally, but it requires me to be gone 4 days and 3 nights a week.  Torture of epic proportions when this is what I see Monday mornings...
I miss Ryan and Lilly as well, but they don't fit in my suitcase or follow me around the house moping and making me feel like the scum of the earth for leaving them all alone.

Anyway, the being out of town and not having access to a computer is why I haven't blogged in so long.  I have plenty to write about and promise once life gets back to "normal" I will be writing a lot more.  In the mean time I will try to post at least a little picture or a story to keep the hundreds of fans wanting more. 

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Obsession of the week

Trader Joe's Chocolate Covered Pretzel Thins

They are so good that it doesn't even make sense.  The perfect amount of pretzel to chocolate to salt to sweet to oh my gosh they are amazing.  If you haven't tried them I HIGHLY recommend you purchase a bag or three. 

Seriously, they are that good.