clean floors, dirty paws

It is 3:17 am.  I am sitting in a rocking chair cradling a child who is rapidly outgrowing my lap.  My knees are freezing and my arm tingles under the weight of a finally sleeping head.  I breath deeply and walk back to the warmth of our bed...again.  Maybe this time we will sleep, I think. This is the fourth time tonight that I have replayed this scene.  Something is bothering my child and I haven't the the foggiest idea what it could be.  He is not feverish or sick.  He does not need to use the bathroom or have a drink of water.  He doesn't want to play, he is simply wakeful.  I am not. I am exhausted.  The kind of exhausted that aches deep in your bones.  I want to cry, to yell, to beg, but mostly I just want to sleep.  It has been a long week and this it the third night in a row with an unsettled boy and no sleep for his mother.  My patience is wearing thin as I rock back and forth in the cold wooden chair.  I want to tell him that it's not fair.  I don't care i

I wrote this around 7 weeks pregnant when I was so tired that my brain completely shut off to store enough energy to breathe...Still waiting for it to turn back on, but that's a whole other story. You guys, I haven't vacuumed in 5 days.  There is a small dog made from my dogs fallen hair in the corner.  You could eat a meal off of my kitchen floor and NOT in a good way.  If you stepped out of the shower you would develop a little furry boot of long brown hair stuck to your damp foot.  And to make matters worse, I don't even care.  The thought of vacuuming right now seems an impossible feet.  The vacuum alone must weight fifty pounds and my body feels as if it weighs a thousand.  Even just standing up from the ground after playing with Cache is exhausting.  You like the ring of dog hair on my ass?  Yeah, me too. I have been so tired with this pregnancy that it is almost laughable.  By noon I find myself looking up and being like, really??  This isn't a joke?? I'm

When I was pregnant with Caches I decided to document with pictures starting at 18 weeks and then every two weeks until I delivered.  I hummed and hawed about doing it again but decided to go ahead and let it all hang out, kind of. I feel way bigger this time, but after comparing pictures I am actually about the same size as last time.  I think I feel bigger because my stomach is way, and I mean WAY softer and squishier this time around. Anyway, today marks 18 weeks.

I wrote this around 9/10 weeks at the height of my feeling grossness and added the last few bits just now. My pregnancy with Caches couldn't have been easier.  I suffered from none of the typical pregnancy related complaints.  No morning sickness, no nausea, no food aversions, no constipation, no aches and pains, no acid reflux, no exhaustion, no swelling, no nothing!  Other than a stuffy nose and gaining 30 pounds I pretty much didn't even notice I was pregnant.  Even nearly a week past my due date I was relatively comfortable, physically that is, mentally I was a fucking nightmare. This pregnancy on the other hand, I surrender, I give up, I'm a mess.  It all started out okay, but it went downhill fast around week 7.  I started out feeling just a little bit off, not really able to eat anything past 5pm and feeling extra tired, and morphed into a miserable, grumpy lump on the sofa whining because not even ice cream sounded good.  I wanted to vomit all day but never ac

We thought it a good idea to add one more baby to the mix. Now, if you are reading this and thinking, "What the hell, Anne?  You couldn't even call or tell me in person!?  I had to find out on the internet that you are pregnant?!"  You are not alone.  The only people who knew were my parents, Ryan's parents and our siblings.  Oh, and one friend that caught me in a lie.  See, it's true, I really can not lie so luckily nobody asked. If you are offended or sad that I didn't call you personally, I am sincerely sorry.  I am not a good phone person and chances are good that even if we are close friends I haven't spoken to you on the phone in months.  Talking to people on the phone with a toddler in the room is one of the most annoying experiences in the world for the person on the other end of the line.  "Are you talking to me now or Caches?"  Caches! I would not ask a grown woman if she needs to pee or if she is just holding her penis!  Plus if Ca

I am no longer a vegetarian Go ahead and gasp, tell me I am a hypocrite, be excited, or shake your head in shame.  All done?  Good, then let's carry on.  First, a little back story.  I first tried out vegetarianism at around 14 years of age.  I don't honestly remember the exact time, so let's just say 14, shall we.  I didn't really do any research, I kind of remember just deciding that meat was gross and that I wasn't going to eat dead animals. Fast forward a few years and my world expanded causing me to do a lot and I mean A LOT of research.  I delved into the horror of factory farms, animal abuse, and all of the horrible things that eating a diet rich in mainstream animal products does to your body.  I love animals and could not imagine them suffering their entire lives just so I could eat some meat that I didn't "need" anyway!  I was so convinced that I became a strict vegan cutting out all animal products and even many things made from animals