Monday, December 19, 2011

Coffee Talk

Last night during Caches' two hour screaming breakdown, Abner decided to put a cherry on top of our night by pacing the bedroom acting like he was in pain.  Whether it was his back acting up, his ears burning from the screaming, or his tummy hurting because Ryan and I accidentally both fed them, I don't know (by the way they were SO pumped about that little mishap.  Lilly looked at me like this, THIS is how much food I require at every meal!)  but Ryan passed the baby off to me and lay down with Abner in hopes that he would settle and quit shorting and sniffling and waking up the baby! 

Finally everyone fell asleep in some sort of dysfunctional pile of limbs and stayed that way until morning.  When I emerged from the bedroom half alive and cursing the dawn, I made my way to the kitchen for some brains coffee.  There I saw Ryan standing by the coffee pot kind of looking over his shoulder.

"I have poop on my shoulder!"

"Baby or Abner?"

"I don't really know.  Whoever rubbed their butt hole on me last night."

Just like that.  No caps lock, no shocking discovery, no ewww or gross, just poop on the shoulder.  Now some of you may be wondering why we are so calm about poop, and I'll tell you.  It is because Abner has gotten poop on us no less that 50 times in his 3 years without a proper tail.  And while it is still disgusting, after a while the shock of poop on your clothes just kinda fades away. 

That is until three hours later when you decided to hug your sweet husband and find yourself literally face to face with Abner's shit smear.  That was a little shocking.  We typically change our poop clothes straight away.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

Ah, Monday

In case you didn't notice the lack of posts last week, there was a lack of posts last week, like none!  It was a rough one.  I was sick, Ryan was dying a slow painful death sick and the baby was so grumpy I was THIS close to sending him back to live with Snow White and the other 6 dwarfs! 

I'm pretty sure the reason for all the snot and tears boils down to one word.  A word so precious that I'd give my left pinky toe to experience it;  SLEEP!  NOBODY SLEEPS IN THIS HOUSE.  Correction, nobody with opposable thumbs sleeps in this house, and to be honest it was getting totally out of hand. 

When Caches's sleep first started regressing I assumed it was a developmental jump or his reflux acting up or something that would pass.  I waited for it to pass, and then I waited some more.  Then I thought, hey, let's wait some more because I didn't almost fall asleep in the shower STANDING UP! 

Then, after being up over 13 times in 11 hours, yes I counted, I found myself getting angry at my baby.  A feeling that kinda feels like a hot knife searing your heart.  I was so upset with myself for feeling this way, but I could not fight the feeling, I was spent.  Something had to give because a grumpy baby and an exhausted mama are NOT a good combination all day.  I simply was not enjoying my baby.  Just typing that brings tears to my eyes, but it is brutally honest. 

From the time I found out I was pregnant, and even before, I always saw myself as a Dr. Sears mom.  Carrying my sweet baby around in a sling all day, co-sleeping and never letting him cry or want for anything.  That was a nice thought. 

Reality BITES!

I do not have that baby!  I have to repeat it because it is still hard for me to accept.  I DO NOT have that kind of baby!  I'm sure there are some women reading this who just rolled their eyes so violently that their heads snapped back, but I can guarantee that they never had a baby like Cache.  I tried, god knows I tried, but it was just not going to happen.  So after exhausting every suggestion from Dr. Sears and alike I finally accepted that I can still be the mom I want to be I just need to change my expectations and stop torturing myself.

Now onto the next controversy.  What three little words that can instantly bring on a debate of presidential proportion among mothers?  Cry It Out.  A method that I never really researched because I never thought I'd need to use it.  Ah, to be naive.  Well, I knew that I could never just shut the door and ignore my baby until morning so that was simply not an option, but I didn't know that there are many versions of CIO that you can kind of play around with until you find something that works for you. 

After TONS of research and second guessing myself I decided to try a modified version where Caches was never just left to cry for extended periods of time so please don't email me and tell me I'm ruining my baby's life!!! 

And...IT FUCKING SUCKS!  I'd rather go through labor again than listen to my baby cry!  I know that he was crying even if I held him, but for some reason listening to it from the other room is exponentially harder.  I won't get into too much detail as all this is really boring if you aren't a parent going through it and I'd like to keep at least one reader. 

So, after weeks of trying and failing and trying again and failing again and trying yet again, we finally figured out a system that seems to be working.  We are still up way more than a normal person should be, but it is worlds better than it used to be.  We'll keep on keeping on and hopefully in a few more weeks Santa won't ask to use the bags under my eyes to carry his toys this Christmas. 

Speaking of Christmas, here is our card

 And with the cat...

Not as cute, but totally us!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Cup A Joe

Caches has become enthralled with cups.   Full cups, empty cups, paper or glass, he loves them all.  Of course he prefers a full cup he can spill, but I digress.  This morning after some much needed coffee was injected directly into my veins slurped from my mug, Ryan gave it to the baby.  I made him get EVERY LAST DRIP out of the mug first because the LAST thing this kid needs is caffeine! 

He was pretty excited

Then he realized it was empty...

Thursday, December 1, 2011

5 Months


Today is the first of December and you are five months old.  Mama has a wicked sinus infection or something going on so please forgive me if this is not one of my better letters.  As I write you are napping IN YOUR OWN BED!  Now, this may not seem like all that big of a deal, but for me, for US, this is HUGE.  It took a few weeks of practice and persistence, but you have excelled.  Most days you only cat nap, 20 or 30 minutes, but sometimes you surprise me and doze for an hour or two.

You would think I would rest during this time, because why wouldn't a sleep deprived, half crazy person rest when then child is napping?  Because they have things to do and their baby STILL, at five months, will not allow productivity during normal waking hours!  I am lucky to get my teeth brushed and clothes changed while you are awake.  Caches, you want to be an active part of EVERYTHING. 

You will not settle for sitting around simply observing life.  You want to EAT life!!  Literally, you put everything in your mouth.  Toys, blankets, my face, the dogs ears and once, a sprig of cilantro.  I guess that technically the cilantro was your first taste of real food and you were not a fan.  You are bound and determined to do what you want and it frustrates you that you are still not able to do things like walk, talk, and dance to Beyonce.  You want to take on the world right NOW.  Your dad and I joke that you are a mini Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka, constantly complaining and demanding and damn it, where the hell is your golden egg laying goose??!!

Caches, you are a challenge!

We have a bit of a loose schedule evolving, but there are still rough days when I just don't know what to do with you!  These are the times that I desperately wish you could talk and just tell me what you want.  I can't guarantee that I could give it to you, but I promise I'd try.  A pony?  Sure, coming right up, just STOP WHINING!!!

Each day is a dance with you baby.  Most times you take the lead and I follow, clumsily stepping on your feet, missing steps and lacking rhythm, but we dance on.  We dance through the tears and the frustrations, the giggles and the sweet embraces.  We dance in the dark of night and the dim light of early morning.  Some day maybe I will find just the right song to calm your racing heart but until then baby, the beat goes on.


Cache playing the "drums"