Ah, Monday

In case you didn't notice the lack of posts last week, there was a lack of posts last week, like none!  It was a rough one.  I was sick, Ryan was dying a slow painful death sick and the baby was so grumpy I was THIS close to sending him back to live with Snow White and the other 6 dwarfs! 

I'm pretty sure the reason for all the snot and tears boils down to one word.  A word so precious that I'd give my left pinky toe to experience it;  SLEEP!  NOBODY SLEEPS IN THIS HOUSE.  Correction, nobody with opposable thumbs sleeps in this house, and to be honest it was getting totally out of hand. 

When Caches's sleep first started regressing I assumed it was a developmental jump or his reflux acting up or something that would pass.  I waited for it to pass, and then I waited some more.  Then I thought, hey, let's wait some more because I didn't almost fall asleep in the shower STANDING UP! 

Then, after being up over 13 times in 11 hours, yes I counted, I found myself getting angry at my baby.  A feeling that kinda feels like a hot knife searing your heart.  I was so upset with myself for feeling this way, but I could not fight the feeling, I was spent.  Something had to give because a grumpy baby and an exhausted mama are NOT a good combination all day.  I simply was not enjoying my baby.  Just typing that brings tears to my eyes, but it is brutally honest. 

From the time I found out I was pregnant, and even before, I always saw myself as a Dr. Sears mom.  Carrying my sweet baby around in a sling all day, co-sleeping and never letting him cry or want for anything.  That was a nice thought. 

Reality BITES!

I do not have that baby!  I have to repeat it because it is still hard for me to accept.  I DO NOT have that kind of baby!  I'm sure there are some women reading this who just rolled their eyes so violently that their heads snapped back, but I can guarantee that they never had a baby like Cache.  I tried, god knows I tried, but it was just not going to happen.  So after exhausting every suggestion from Dr. Sears and alike I finally accepted that I can still be the mom I want to be I just need to change my expectations and stop torturing myself.

Now onto the next controversy.  What three little words that can instantly bring on a debate of presidential proportion among mothers?  Cry It Out.  A method that I never really researched because I never thought I'd need to use it.  Ah, to be naive.  Well, I knew that I could never just shut the door and ignore my baby until morning so that was simply not an option, but I didn't know that there are many versions of CIO that you can kind of play around with until you find something that works for you. 

After TONS of research and second guessing myself I decided to try a modified version where Caches was never just left to cry for extended periods of time so please don't email me and tell me I'm ruining my baby's life!!! 

And...IT FUCKING SUCKS!  I'd rather go through labor again than listen to my baby cry!  I know that he was crying even if I held him, but for some reason listening to it from the other room is exponentially harder.  I won't get into too much detail as all this is really boring if you aren't a parent going through it and I'd like to keep at least one reader. 

So, after weeks of trying and failing and trying again and failing again and trying yet again, we finally figured out a system that seems to be working.  We are still up way more than a normal person should be, but it is worlds better than it used to be.  We'll keep on keeping on and hopefully in a few more weeks Santa won't ask to use the bags under my eyes to carry his toys this Christmas. 

Speaking of Christmas, here is our card

 And with the cat...

Not as cute, but totally us!