Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Oh sweet, mind numbing toddler "logic"

I buy sprouted wheat bread from Trader Joe's, but I don't go through it very quickly so I keep the loaf in the freezer and just take out one slice at a time as needed.   It goes directly into the toaster so, no biggie that it is frozen.  Anyway, I typically just have the one loaf in the freezer, but I was ahead of the game for once in two and a half years and bought a new loaf when I still had a few slices left.  I put the mostly eaten loaf in the fridge and the new loaf in the freezer.

Are you still with me?  Really, you are?  Okay, I promise I am going somewhere with this.

The other morning Caches wanted a piece of toast with butter and jelly on it.  Fine.   I grabbed a slice of my almost finished loaf in the fridge and before I even had it out of the bag he protested loudly!  "I no like that one, mommy!  I need it really cold!"  He then proceeded to open the freezer, "I need that one!"  Okay, so he wants the bread from the freezer because we typically get it from the freezer and it makes sense in his two year old mind that they only way one can eat a slice of toast is if the bread comes from the freezer.

Now, I'm not sure why, but apparently I was in the mood to explain actual human logic to a toddler. I tried to explain that I had some in the fridge that needed to be used before we opened the new one in the freezer.  It was the exact same bread, look, event he same wrapper, son!  I even tried to explain that no matter how cold it is when we put it in the toaster it will be warm.  "I no want it toasted!!!  I need it really cold!!!!"  I know what you are thinking, and I'm thinking it too.  You tried to explain something logical a toddler!?  Like with actual reason?!  Are you just asking for a meltdown?  Seriously, silly, silly woman.  Okay, fine!

My kid wants to gnaw on a slice of frozen bread, so I guess it was no surprise to me or you that he did not want the cold bread from the fridge, he wanted the REALLY cold bread from the freezer and nothing I could do or say would change it.  Well,  tempting fate again, I decided I wasn't going to open the new one and compromised by telling him that I would put a piece of kind of cold bread from the fridge into the freezer to get really cold.  A stretch to say the least, but he actually went for it.  So for the next 45 minutes or so we had to check on the temperature of the bread in 5-10 minute intervals.   "Not ready.  It needs to be reallllly cold!"

Finally it was determined by his squish test that the bread was indeed frozen and cold enough to be consumed.  Awesome!  I hand him the bread and he walks into the kitchen, "I put this in the toaster, mama!"

Really!!  REALLY!?


And so we toasted that slice of frozen bread, smeared some butter and jam on it and all was right in the fucked up, flea circus brain that resides inside the toddlers head.