Monday, February 28, 2011

Mouth Breathers

I am aware they exist, but I can't for the life of me understand how they survive.  How do they sleep at night?  How do they sit close to someone?  How do they exercise?  How do they chew their food without spilling? How do they do anything!?  How come they aren't using their nose?  It's not for decoration, folks.

If you didn't already catch on, I am not a fan of breathing out of my mouth.  I find it horribly inconvenient and distracting to the point that is consumes me and I spend hours thinking about breathing.  Breathing is an involuntary reflex, we aren't supposed to think about it.  I have enough strange new body functions, why the breathing?

Now, you may be wondering why, if I hate it so much, am I breathing out of my mouth?  Well, because if I closed my mouth I'd die in a matter of minutes and while some nights that seems like the best option, I'd probably regret it by morning when I'm, ya know, dead.

Apparently one of the many joyous side effects of pregnancy besides the extra body hair, blotchy skin, teenage acne and  aching joints, is congested sinuses.  I already had congested sinuses and chronic sinusitis before becoming pregnant but now it is completely out of control.  I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for months.  Let me repeat that.  I haven't been able to breathe FOR MONTHS.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of it!

Sleep with your head elevated you may suggest.  OK, but I am not supposed to sleep on my back and sleeping on your side with your head elevated can really mess up your neck, believe me, I've tried.  Just breathe through your mouth.  Oh sure, no problem, I love waking up in the middle of the night with cotton mouth so bad that I am looking around for the empty bottle of vodka that I must have downed before bed to achieve this level of sticky mouth.  And Ryan really likes waking up to my mouth agape and hot breath on his cheek.  Use the nety pot before bed.  Um, yeah, so congested that the water won't even flow.

Fresh out of ideas, I did something I swore I'd never do. I joined the breathe right strip team.



They don't completely solve the problem, but they do allow me to breathe from my nose just enough to fall asleep and not wake up with cat shit mouth, and they are quite sexy don't ya think?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Snow Daze


She flies through the air with the greatest of ease

More pictures coming soon...

There's a Storm a Brewing

The news always seems to vilify the weather. When it is raining it is portrayed as this horrible storm that will flood your garden and eat your children, but when we have no rain all they do is complain that we need rain or  have a drought, blah blah blah.

Weather is weather, we have absolutely no control over it.  In fact, why do we even have weathermen?  They are only right about 40% of the time anyway.  Additionally, compared to the rest of the world, we don't even have real weather here.  It hails and people are dodging for cover like it contains acid or high fructose corn syrup!  Minnesota, now that is weather. 

All that to say this...

Last week, with all the rain, the dogs didn't get much exercise but between dragging Lilly out to pee (literally) and keeping Abner away form the mud, I got mine.  Well, by Thursday night I was sick of babying Lilly and stalking Abner so I just threw them out and shut the door.

A few minutes later Lilly was begging to come in but Abner was missing.  A quick scan of our backyard and I found him, right where I suspected, digging in the mud.  DIGGING like he was getting paid.  And putting his face in the hole and rolling around like a hog on a Summer day.  Uhh

Since there was nothing I could do about it at that point I just let him stay out there and play assuming he'd be ready to come in soon.  Back in the kitchen I hear a bark.  I know this bark.  It is the muffled bark of Abner wanting in, his head shoved through the kitty door.

Sure enough there he was in all his muddy glory, dripping mud from his lips as he demanded to be let in.  Oh sure Abner, let me get that door for you.  Please come on in and tromp around my carpet with your muddy feet.  And while you are at it could you jump on the bed and roll around a bit, really grind that mud in.

After emptying the sink and grabbing a towel, the dance between Abner and I began.  The dance goes a little something like this.  I open the door to get him, he sees the towel, barks at me and runs away, just out of reach.  I close the door and he returns.


This goes on way longer than I think is funny so finally I go out, grab him, and carry him straight to the kitchen sink where he proceeds to protest my washing of his glorious mud down the drain.

I want to be mad but look at that face.  How could you be mad at that face?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Just Right

Lately I have been on a serious cereal kick, I can't get enough.  Well, to be honest I can't get enough food in general these days, but cereal seems to be my go to.  All this cereal eating got me thinking about a magical power that I wish I possessed.

This power would allow my cereal to stop absorbing milk at the exact moment I felt it had achieved the perfect consistency.  I hate soggy cereal and it always seems the last few bites are mushy, even with the proper milk to cereal ratio.

Sigh...

While I'm at it, this magic power would also allow me to keep my coffee at the perfect temperature for drinking at all times.  I can't tell you how many times I have to reheat one cup!  Perhaps if I wouldn't get distracted 20 times while drinking said cup I wouldn't have to worry about it, but I digress.

There is nothing like taking a bite, or a sip when it is just right.

Goldy Locks was really on to something with that porridge.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Down the Hatch

Saturday morning Ryan and I were playing a little game of car Tetris while the dogs hung out inside.  I'm backing out of the driveway when I see Ryan approaching in my rear view mirror, a horrified look on his face.

"What's up?"

"Lilly just swallowed the ziplock bag filled with icing."

"She what?  She just ate the whole thing?"

"NO, SWALLOWED IT"

"UHHHHHHHHHHH"

Back inside I find Lilly, sitting in the corner giving her best, "it wasn't me" face.  I look at her, look at the counter where the bag of icing sat just moments ago and I can't help myself.

This is the dumbest thing she has EVER eaten and she has eaten some stupid shit.  A pound of almonds, an entire bag of Reece's mini with the foil on, and entire french baguette, pot brownies, but this, THIS wins.

She couldn't even taste it, she swallowed the bag whole!

After my initial shock and amazement, a touch of panic set in.  Here sits my dog with a belly full of homemade, cocoa powder rich, chocolate icing, IN A ZIPLOCK BAG.  What if she can't pass it and she needs surgery, what if she throws up and chokes to death, I can't handle another bout of diareah all over the house, I just can't!

I decide that the best possible option is to give her some hydrogen peroxide and see if she will throw it up before any damage is done.  1/8 of a cup of peroxide down the hatch and her ass thrown outside, she and Ryan anxiously await a much needed vomit outside on the stoop.


While they waited outside I called the emergency vet just to make sure I did the right thing and to see what we should do next if she didn't successfully throw up the bag.  The vet told me that getting her to throw up was the best option and that if she didn't we might be in for a long couple of days waiting for it to pass.

Ten tense minutes later...



Success

I don't know why people keep telling me to, "just wait until I have kids."  Then I'll understand stress and a messy home.  Um, when was the last time your kids swallowed a ziplock bag?  I didn't think so

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Caycous or Bust

As promised, a lot more pictures from our adventure at the coast.

Hanging in the garden

Stealing

Attempt #1 of 100 attempts at a family photo.  Someone is always misbehaving.

Soaking it all in

Love

Stalking a bird.  This is my beach, bitch

Not a bad way to start the day

Couldn't be happier

Ladybugs landing for luck

Blue cheese slaw dogs

Amazing

As the day comes to an end

We actually found a house in Caycous we could afford.  It's a bit drafty, but it will do

Derby hats all day

An afternoon frolic

Bluebird day

From my perspective
Can't wait to do it all over again...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Walk of Shame

After taking himself down to the beach without permission for the 140th time, Abner, defeated, walks back to the deck.

In the Making

Preparations for the nursery have officially begun. 


A part of me feels like it is too soon to be starting all of this, but I have a feeling the next couple of months are going to fly by. 

We have already run into a few hiccups, like painting half of the room only to have me walk in the next day and hate the color, luckily Ryan is a patient man.  I also may or may not have had a complete crying mental breakdown yesterday that some would consider a hiccup.  I consider it cleansing.

So onward and upward with plenty of help from this guy.


And my mom, who hates her picture taken (that's her ass in the background, by the way).  And I, shunned from painting, am working on other projects around the house.  You know, like spending at least twenty minutes of every hour praying that this new paint color doesn't magically turn blue overnight like the last.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A Public Service Announcement

We are approaching 8 weeks since Christmas and while I'm sure you spent a lot of time and energy putting up your lights and want to enjoy them for as long as possible, I'm begging you, TAKE THEM DOWN!

It's over, done, move on!  I promise it will come again next year.

I have to avoid like 3 streets when I'm out running or walking dogs in our neighborhood because I can't stand looking at Christmas lights in February.  Oh, and that dead tree in your window, major fire hazard and probably not spreading any sort of holiday cheer.

So please, set aside a few hours this weekend and take down those lights.

I'll help (but don't tell Ryan if I get on a ladder, for some reason he is against it)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentines Day

I have never been a huge "Hallmark holiday" kind of a girl, but it is nice to pay extra attention to the ones we love on this day. 

If you are into flowers, buy some for your love.  Don't have a love, buy some for yourself!

If you like chocolate, EAT SOME!

If you like a giant white teddy bear with a silk rose wrapped in cellophane, go down the street from my house and hit up one of the 28 makeshift stands.

Whatever your pleasure, indulge.

Hugs and Kisses,
The Nessiers



I wish they still made cards like these!  Brilliant

Friday, February 11, 2011

And They Lived Happily Ever After

On January 22, 2011 my brother was married...

MY brother....MARRIED!

There is always a bit of worry with siblings; what if he chooses someone I hate?  What if she hates me?   Clearly it wouldn't have happened had I not approved, right Nic, but the fear is still there. 

To my delight, he married an absolutely lovely woman whom I adore.  I feel so fortunate to have a new sister and know that there is someone great taking care of my brother.

Keep him in check Brit!

Anyway, they took a gamble on a January day and were blessed with sun!  Everything was perfectly romantic and we all had a great time.  I even danced, in 4 inch heels, wearing a girdle... SOBER!


Blushing Bride
Unfortunately I didn't have my camera during the ceremony but the bride and grooms memories were in the capable hands of Jeff and Craig from A.S. Photo Studios.  Check out their website for more pictures, http://asphotostudios.blogspot.com. They both are truly gifted at capturing the most perfect moments.

Congratulations Nicolaus and Brittany.  I can't wait to see what your bright future together holds.
 
Pregnant on the honeymoon?  We'll see

Thursday, February 10, 2011

In The Process

Last weekend we ventured down the coast to beautiful Caycous, Ca.  We ate a lot, drank a lot (some of us water, others beer), and soaked up a ton of sun.  I am currently working on a picture heavy post, but in the mean time, enjoy a teaser.

A Couple of Bunnies

A Morning Spar

Rocco's Modern Life?

Amazing

Real Talk

While sitting down watching television the other night...

Me: "Babe, I know I have been saying this for weeks, but I think I officially need to go buy some maternity jeans.  I had to unbutton in my car to breathe!"

Ryan: "Why don't you get some of those sweat pants that look like jeans.  You know, the ones we saw on the infomercial."

Me: "PAJAMA JEANS!  You want me to rock pajama jeans?  I already feel like a dumbass trying on full elastic belly panel jeans, but pajama jeans!  Out of the question."

Ryan: Laughing "Oh come on, can't you go an a run and then effortlessly look chic to meet your friend for lunch without changing?"

Me: "Not happening, buddy."

In case you have yet to see the pajama jean infomercial and have no idea what I am talking about, please take a moment to check these babies out. 

pajamajeans.com

Again I wonder, who wears this shit?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Perpare Yourself

If you are drinking coffee, put it down.

If you are chewing food, finish it up before you look.

This is the funniest picture that will EVER be taken of Abner.  I seriously can't look at it without laughing out loud. 

Love...


Doesn't he look like Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi in Breakfast At Tiffany's! 

In case you aren't sure...


Those teeth!!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

20 Weeks

I tried to get no flash but got tired of trying. 

20 Weeks

Half Way

"I Want My Milk, I Want My Milk"

A phrase started by my dear friend Suzanne, I now use it mockingly when people are being giant toddlers and complaining.  An actuate description of me at the moment, so excuse me while I have a little rant.

I always knew I wasn't going to run out and buy maternity clothes the second my jeans felt tight.  If that was the case I'd have been buying maternity clothes for years.  Sometimes ice cream is my friend and other times it is my very existence.

So now that my jeans are quite literally cutting off my circulation and have Ryan questioning at what point can tight clothes damage the baby, I am considering purchasing some maternity clothes.  Why the resistance all these weeks?  Quite frankly, I don't want to spend the money.

I feel like if it has to do with weddings or babies they mark it up 50%.  If you want flowers for your birthday they are 30 bucks, a wedding 60.  A basic white t-shirt, about 8 dollars, maternity, 20!  I don't even spend 20 dollars on a shirt I can wear all the time, let alone one I will only fit into for a few months!

Jeans are another story.  I have paid 200 dollars for a pair of jeans that fit well, wash well, and will last me 5+ years but 200 dollars for something I can only wear for 4 months seems ludicrous.  I know that I just said the same thing two different ways, but I was reiterating.

Now, to be fair, there are some maternity clothes that are reasonably priced but do you really think I would be caught dead in this.


 Good god I can't even believe they make it let alone women buy it AND it has a 5 star rating.  That means they love it! 

Something like this is much more my style but guess what it is 100 dollars, for a shirt, one hundred dollars!


 
 Why oh why must I have expensive taste?  Usually when I see a designer item that I like I research it and find a knock off that is way cheaper; but at the moment time is of the essence.  I don't want to be on my way out the door to the hospital and be like yes, UPS is here with my maternity shirt!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Never Turn Your Back to the Ocean

(While we are away at the beach I thought you'd enjoy a nice beach related post.  See you Monday)


When Abner was younger he was under the false pretense that he could swim.  After being swallowed by waves a handful of times and giving me not only heart attacks, but wet pant legs, he realized that bulldogs sink. 

Because he loved to follow the waves out, failing to realize that they come back was his flaw, Ryan decided to make running away form the dog eating waves a game.  He would run out there with him and then wait for the wave to break and race as fast as he could back to shore.

Abner caught on rather quickly and soon their game playing became less frequent; until a recent trip to the beach when I caught the boys playing an old favorite.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Maybe, Maybe Not

Over the past few weeks I have had a hard time deciding whether or not to post pictures of my belly on this blog.  I know I like to see other women's belly pictures but I wasn't quite comfortable showing mine.  Strange isn't it, that I am willing to share my personal life stories over the internet but not my body.

That came out wrong but you get the idea.  

And while we are on the topic of strange, isn't it funny that all of a sudden my stomach is openly called a belly?  I would have never called my stomach a belly before becoming pregnant.  In fact I worked pretty hard to keep others from calling it a belly as well.

But gone are the days of having a stomach and boobs.  Welcome to having a belly and breasts. Oye.

After thinking it over with Ben and Jerry I have decided to post a new belly picture every two weeks for the remainder of my pregnancy.

This is 1 weeks ago, at 18 weeks.  I would have started from this week but then it would have been odd numbers and I don't think I could have handled it. 

18 Weeks

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Sandy Paws


This weekend we are going to the beach.  It may not be warm enough for sand beards and Pabst Blue Ribbon this time, but we'll find fun other ways; like brown butter cookies and taco temple.

Many pictures to come from the adventure

Can You Repeat That, Please

I am opening this post with a disclaimer.  You may be offended by what I have to say right now so if you are easily offended then skip this one.

Being pregnant means more than mood swings, food cravings and feeling fat.  It also means you have to be on the phone with the insurance company ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

There is not much in this world that I hate more than touch pad menus or speaking into the phone to a computer.  I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT.

I dread doing it so I put it off and then finally when my anxiety peeks I make the call and after 20 seconds I'm already pissed because they didn't understand my "no" and can I repeat it AGAIN.  UHHHH!

Then, after already being pissed off and almost throwing my phone against the wall a few times, I finally get to talk to a real person, only this person has a thick accent and I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ONE DAMN THING THEY ARE SAYING.

It makes my blood boil just thinking about how infuriating it is.  I have no problem with accents under normal circumstances; I really like them as a matter of fact, but I can't for the life of me understand why they are giving customer service.  Maybe it is discriminating not to hire someone because of their accent, but when being able to understand someone's voice clearly is part of the job description, then I say DISCRIMINATE!  

"Can I have your member number?"

"Sure it is ........"

"3?"

"No, B"

"OK mam, 3"

"No, B as in this is bullshit"

"Brisket?"

"Yeah, brisket, I said brisket"

By this time I'm done and I'm pretty sure that I'm breaking out in a rash.  This can't be healthy.

My question is answered and all I want to do is hang up and scream obscenities while throwing the phone down and pouting but no.....do you want to take a survey?  Can I help you with anything else?  Did I answer your question?

Please just let me get off of the phone, I'm begging you!  I'd rather hear Ryan's windshield wipers click and swipe for an hour than make one more flippin' phone call the the insurance company!