Mouth Breathers
I am aware they exist, but I can't for the life of me understand how they survive. How do they sleep at night? How do they sit close to someone? How do they exercise? How do they chew their food without spilling? How do they do anything!? How come they aren't using their nose? It's not for decoration, folks.
If you didn't already catch on, I am not a fan of breathing out of my mouth. I find it horribly inconvenient and distracting to the point that is consumes me and I spend hours thinking about breathing. Breathing is an involuntary reflex, we aren't supposed to think about it. I have enough strange new body functions, why the breathing?
Now, you may be wondering why, if I hate it so much, am I breathing out of my mouth? Well, because if I closed my mouth I'd die in a matter of minutes and while some nights that seems like the best option, I'd probably regret it by morning when I'm, ya know, dead.
Apparently one of the many joyous side effects of pregnancy besides the extra body hair, blotchy skin, teenage acne and aching joints, is congested sinuses. I already had congested sinuses and chronic sinusitis before becoming pregnant but now it is completely out of control. I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for months. Let me repeat that. I haven't been able to breathe FOR MONTHS.
Quite frankly, I'm sick of it!
Sleep with your head elevated you may suggest. OK, but I am not supposed to sleep on my back and sleeping on your side with your head elevated can really mess up your neck, believe me, I've tried. Just breathe through your mouth. Oh sure, no problem, I love waking up in the middle of the night with cotton mouth so bad that I am looking around for the empty bottle of vodka that I must have downed before bed to achieve this level of sticky mouth. And Ryan really likes waking up to my mouth agape and hot breath on his cheek. Use the nety pot before bed. Um, yeah, so congested that the water won't even flow.
Fresh out of ideas, I did something I swore I'd never do. I joined the breathe right strip team.
They don't completely solve the problem, but they do allow me to breathe from my nose just enough to fall asleep and not wake up with cat shit mouth, and they are quite sexy don't ya think?
If you didn't already catch on, I am not a fan of breathing out of my mouth. I find it horribly inconvenient and distracting to the point that is consumes me and I spend hours thinking about breathing. Breathing is an involuntary reflex, we aren't supposed to think about it. I have enough strange new body functions, why the breathing?
Now, you may be wondering why, if I hate it so much, am I breathing out of my mouth? Well, because if I closed my mouth I'd die in a matter of minutes and while some nights that seems like the best option, I'd probably regret it by morning when I'm, ya know, dead.
Apparently one of the many joyous side effects of pregnancy besides the extra body hair, blotchy skin, teenage acne and aching joints, is congested sinuses. I already had congested sinuses and chronic sinusitis before becoming pregnant but now it is completely out of control. I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for months. Let me repeat that. I haven't been able to breathe FOR MONTHS.
Quite frankly, I'm sick of it!
Sleep with your head elevated you may suggest. OK, but I am not supposed to sleep on my back and sleeping on your side with your head elevated can really mess up your neck, believe me, I've tried. Just breathe through your mouth. Oh sure, no problem, I love waking up in the middle of the night with cotton mouth so bad that I am looking around for the empty bottle of vodka that I must have downed before bed to achieve this level of sticky mouth. And Ryan really likes waking up to my mouth agape and hot breath on his cheek. Use the nety pot before bed. Um, yeah, so congested that the water won't even flow.
Fresh out of ideas, I did something I swore I'd never do. I joined the breathe right strip team.
They don't completely solve the problem, but they do allow me to breathe from my nose just enough to fall asleep and not wake up with cat shit mouth, and they are quite sexy don't ya think?
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