Showing posts from June, 2011

40 Weeks

Well, my due date has officially passed with no baby in sight.  
My new mantra is, "baby will come when it is ready, enjoy the time you have now." know, before sleep deprivation, vomit shoulder a
nd figuring out what the HELL to do with a baby!
HOPEFULLY this is my final belly picture

Death Stare

When we first found out I was pregnant, Ryan accompanied me to the Dr for a check up and ultrasound.  They also took the typical blood pressure, weight and height measurements.

Ryan: "Wouldn't it be funny if on delivery day you weighed more than me!"

Me: "It absolutely would NOT be funny."

Ryan: "Oh come on babe, I think people would laugh."

Me: "A few men might get a chuckle, but I imagine you would be hard pressed to find a single woman that would find it even the slightest bit entertaining."

Flash forward 9 months and 30 some odd pounds and guess what?  Smart ass thought it would be fun to weight himself while we waited for a room at the Drs office. 

I officially weigh only 2 pounds less than Ryan.  TWO POUNDS!  ONE...TWO

"Ohhh babe, only two pounds.  And I have my shoes on and a wallet."

"Still not even remotely funny!"

"And you have another week to go."

* For those of you who are curious but don't hav…

The Difference

Among the MANY concerns people have expressed about me having a baby and dogs; Did you know that dogs carry germs? Me either.  A few have brought to my attention that Abner might destroy all of the babies toys.  Um OK, not sure why they care, but yeah, he probably will at least try to taste most of them. 

And while I am positive that there will be at least a few causalities, he is not a complete failure of a dog and I do have a bit of faith in him.  That being said, I plan on making the following photos into flash cards and quizzing Abner nightly to prepare him for the baby.

Phew, there's one worry off my list.  Now I can focus on sterilizing dog saliva

No More Secrets!

Have I ever mentioned that I am kind of a control freak?  I thought so...

This entire pregnancy I have been one of those annoying women that's all due date, shmoo date, the baby will come when it is ready.  Smile... Now I am like fuck this not knowing what is going on bullshit and tell me when you are coming!!!  I don't care if you want to be early or a little bit late, but this playing hard to get mystery is NOT good for mommies control issues. 

Hours feel like days, days feel like weeks and I feel like shit.  I am honestly not all that uncomfortable, thank goodness, but my brain has been taken over by the obsessive need to know what the hell is going on inside my uterus. It is driving me absolutely crazy and I'm pretty sure my normally cheery disposition is suffering.  Honestly, my attitude is HORRIBLE, but I am trying to hide it as not to drive my husband away just days before delivery.

How do other women stay so calm?  Casually napping on the sofa, folding onsies and …

A Father

Each and every day Ryan does little things that reassure me he is going to be an amazing father.  I won't go into to much detail, I want him to keep at least a little street cred. with is friends, but I will tell you just a few of the things that have made my heart swell with love for him over the years.

When Georgia, the now infamous bulimic cat was much younger, she decided to rebel and not come home one night.  Ryan stayed up ALL NIGHT walking up and down the neighborhood streets calling her name, looking in AND climbing up trees, desperately trying to find our kitty.  Of course she sauntered in the kitty door all casual like later that morning but I know in my heart he would never have stopped looking.

When Abner was sick this Christmas and when he hurt his back this Spring, god that dog is high maintenance, Ryan held him all night in the precise position that he was most comfortable...the dog NOT Ryan.  I'm pretty sure his own back hurt for days after but comforting his b…

The Things We Do For Our Children

Of all the changes that have taken place in my body, my mind, and my diet, I am officially going on record and stating that the worst and most difficult change has been adding iodine spray to my daily supplements.  

It looks so unassuming in its cute brown bottle with its breezy little label
I always knew there were health benefits to iodine; it helps regulate the thyroid, good for the female system, helps to rid the body of toxins, etc., but I never really perused a supplement.  Now I know that if I had purchased a supplement prior to being pregnant I would have used it once and thrown it into the fire to burn in hell where it belongs.

Iodine is a ghastly, nauseating, sordid, repulsive, filthy little foe that I wish were never born.  The first time I took it was on the way home from the Health and Water store where I purchased it.  I was like Ooo, new supplement, fun, let's take it.  And I spritzed the recommended two sprays in my mouth while sitting at a red light.

The whole world…


Come on in dad


You know how when something new and exciting happens and you all of a sudden have all these grand ideas of how it is going to be and how you are going to act, think and do?  This happened when I got engaged and again at the beginning of pregnancy.  I was sure in both cases that I would become some sort of super woman, healthy woman or at least gain some sort of magical power...organization woman?

Well, I didn't...either time.  In fact I have already failed epically and thought it would be fun to look at some of my failures as a mother who isn't even yet a mother.  I'm sure MANY more will be added to this list as time goes by.

-Keeping a pregnancy/baby journal.
I did it for like 2 months and then realized that all I was doing was saying the exact same shit in different ways over and over.  You can only describe your fear or miscarriage and stretch marks in so many ways before it becomes a real drag.  Last journal entry was from November=fail

-Only eating food that is hea…

80's Flashback?

No, she isn't wearing leg warmers She is wearing a frown.
Not exactly sure how she managed to do this but Lilly got a little too frisky playing last night and ended up skinning not one, but both of her bunny feet!
The only up side is that Lilly is such a drama queen that when you put bandages on her she does not react like a typical dog and try to bite them off. 
She actually likes it and milks it for all the attention she can get.   Sometimes, for fun, we will put a sock on her foot like a cast and observe her reaction.  She immediatly acts injured and just lays still with her "cast"
Why can't Abner be such a good patient?  No lollipop for him!

Let's Chat About Poop

No, this isn't a post about the challenges of pooping while pregnant, nor is it a post about how much of my daily life is devoted to picking up poop, wiping Abner's ass after he poops or finding tiny nuggets of poop in Lilly's bed because god forbid she go out and be eaten by the boogie man. This is about how others in our neighborhood view dog poop.

The fact is if you have a dog and you walk it, it will inevitably poop in someones yard.  There is absolutely no way around this.  Some say you should make your dog empty their bladder and bowels before a walk to avoid this, but I am here to tell you that that is completely unrealistic.  My dogs poop and pee before we leave for a walk and 99% of the time they will each go again while we are walking.  I cannot control this.  They are dogs.  Dogs like poop on grass.  Dogs mark with pee pee.  End of story.

 That being said, I believe it is 100% MY responsibility as a dog owner to pick up any poop that is deposited on anyone elses…

38 Weeks

I can hardly believe that we are 38 weeks already.  I have a feeling that the next two weeks are going to go by SO SLOWLY not only because of the anticipation, but because all of a sudden I feel really pregnant and to be quiet honest, it kinda sucks. 
So come on baby!


 Looking in from the door
By the way, those skateboards were the catalyst for the  biggest pregnancy crying breakdown of the entire 9 months Perhaps I'll share the story some day
 The crib
Complete with a bow wearing bear  and a handmade Dick and Jane quilt
*Here is a better shot of the artwork above the crib
Yes, I am aware that I will have to take it down when the baby can reach it Yes, I am aware that it could fall in the event of an earthquake BUT I like it and sometimes aesthetics win!
 Changing table area
The giant ruler on the wall is from the Nessier Ranch Was used to measure flood irrigation of the orchards Pretty rad

A toy trunk
Also from the ranch Ryan cleaned it up and stenciled  I sewed a denim liner
Completely bored with the photo shoot
Abner and I both sit this way now With our bellies to the side Flexible we are not

*Ryan's incredibly talented friend Jason Graham is the artist behind both the pictures of the dogs and the falling leaves above the changing table.  The dogs …

It is Difficult

...but not impossible to make the bed with a French Bulldog still snoozing

And a wake up stretch.  Such a hard life

Where are My Sober Chips?

It has been over 2 weeks since Abner's worst back episode yet and I'm cautiously excited to say that he is looking good.  Started taking short walks and letting him wander around more and more this week.  Of course he thinks this is a license to go absolutely bat shit crazy but I wouldn't expect anything less. 

I'm pretty sure that when you reach milestones in recovery you get chips or tokens, yes?  Well, I'm waiting for mine.  Keeping this dog alive is hard work, especially considering I CAN'T DRINK to cope.  Oh wait...there went my sober chips.  A cookie, can I have a cookie?


I can't believe it is already June.  Similar to my marriage, this pregnancy feels like it has both flown by and been around FOREVER.  I find myself looking back to October and reminiscing about all the emotions that flooded my mind upon finding out we were having a baby.  Well, they are coming back.

I am both elated and terrified.  Reassuring myself that everything is going to be OK and trying to stop my mind from thinking the baby is going to die at any moment.  I am looking ahead with excitement but also wishing I had more time to prepare.  Prepare for what you might ask?  I have absolutely no idea, but I need time!  Of course I'd prefer this extra time to have come at the beginning of the pregnancy when I could lay down without suffocating on my own girth, but beggars can't be choosers.

Speaking of, I once had a bum?  homeless man?  person who doesn't shower? vagrant?  Whatever one is the most politically correct, ask me for a cigarette and when I offered him one …

12 Hours...Give or Take

The amount of time I spend each year cleaning up and/or dealing with vomit.  

And it hit me tonight, as I was cleaning a particularly lovely pile off of the carpet, that that number is about to double if not triple in the coming year.  Not only do I have the cat that can't keep her food down but I have Abner who loves to drink a gallon of water and then play magician by making it reappear.  Lilly is pretty good, she wouldn't want to waste a morsel of food! but when she does vomit it is epic and requires not only clean up but a pep talk that everything is going to be OK as she shakes in the corner like someone is going to beat her.  
AS IF ANYONE HAS EVER BEAT HER!  Drama queen!! I am thinking that investing in a carpet cleaner might be a wise decision as my child will probably have similar aim and do 90% of its gross bodily functions on the carpet that covers only 10% of our home.  I can see it vomit dripping off of my shoulder and dogs licking it up from…