Death Stare

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When we first found out I was pregnant, Ryan accompanied me to the Dr for a check up and ultrasound.  They also took the typical blood pressure, weight and height measurements.

Ryan: "Wouldn't it be funny if on delivery day you weighed more than me!"

Me: "It absolutely would NOT be funny."

Ryan: "Oh come on babe, I think people would laugh."

Me: "A few men might get a chuckle, but I imagine you would be hard pressed to find a single woman that would find it even the slightest bit entertaining."

Flash forward 9 months and 30 some odd pounds and guess what?  Smart ass thought it would be fun to weight himself while we waited for a room at the Drs office. 

I officially weigh only 2 pounds less than Ryan.  TWO POUNDS!  ONE...TWO

"Ohhh babe, only two pounds.  And I have my shoes on and a wallet."

"Still not even remotely funny!"

"And you have another week to go."


* For those of you who are curious but don't have the balls to call and ask for fear that I might yell and/or cry

How am I feeling? Like a morbidly obese hippo

Am I ready?  No, but I will never be ready so now is as good a time as any

When is the baby coming? Well, since I can't predict the future, I'm going to go with NEVER

Can't I hurry things up?  No, if I bounce one more time on this goddamn birth ball I'm going to be seasick

Are we allowing visitors after the baby that is never going to come, comes?  Yes

Hope that helps

Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 30, 2011 at 9:54 AM

    Anne eat lots of pizza it's suppose to have something in the sauce to start labor pains... Just one of the stupid comments I heard while waiting for Jeffery to arrive, I was so desperate and felt so massively fat and bloated I was willing to try anything so I called Jeff at work Honey I want this baby out will you please bring me a pizza with extra sauce his reply whats that got to do with labor? Crying I screamed will use it to make the baby come he replies your going to rub the sauce on your privates, I scream no dick head eat it why did you call me a dick head because of your dick I'm in this condition. Long story short I ate dam near the hole pizza Jeffery came the next morning....

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