Monday, May 31, 2010

Rules were made to be broken

I don’t know about you, but I have an ongoing and ever changing list of things I will not, or at least will TRY not to do. And unless I stop to think about it, I falsely assume that I am doing a pretty good job at staying on track. Well, I’ve been thinking about it lately and it seems that for every rule I have for myself I also have a built in excuse. And handy as these excuses are, they are starting to make me look like a bit of an asshole.

Let’s go ahead and start off with the rule I am currently breaking; no eating sweets after 7pm.
This usually lasts a grand total of 3 days and then I start in with the first excuse of, “well, I haven’t had any treats in 3 days and it is ONLY 7:05, one little cookie isn’t going to hurt.” Then I move on to the next excuse, the one I used tonight which is, “I want some damn ice cream and I’m a grown ass woman and I make my own decisions and I’M EATING IT!” As though anyone was arguing with me.

I guess technically I am arguing with myself about all of this aren’t I. Moving on.

Only buy organic fruits and vegetables from the “Dirty Dozen” list.*
But these raspberries are only 2.99 for 12oz, 12 OUNCES! That is insane. I could buy like 4 containers and eat them all day and night. Did you know that raspberries are a good source of protein? I should call some of my friends and let them know about this. This is a hell of a deal! Oh wait, they are conventionally grown. On who cares they are 2.99. FOR 12 OUNCES!

God, I am annoying

Avoid Starbucks at all costs; always try to find a local coffee shop to support.
But I’m out of town and I’m under a lot of stress and there is a Starbucks RIGHT THERE. What if a local coffee shop doesn’t have unsweetened black tea for Ryan? What if I get lost on my way back from the local shop and all the ice melts before I can get the iced tea to him? What if really am as crazy as they say. Who is “they?” how should I know, but I know they are talking shit.

Never buy anything that is not on sale.
But that shirt might as well be on sale it is so cheap! I mean eight dollars for a t-shirt! And it fits well! I know I have bought shirts that were on sale for a lot more than eight dollars. What am I really trying to prove here? If I wait for it to go on sale I know they will run out of my size. Why do I have to wear a size medium shirt and size 10 shoes? They ALWAYS run out of mediums and 10's. I better just buy it now. I can always bring in my receipt if it goes on sale in a week. Did I mention that those raspberries were NOT on sale that was their real price? 2.99 was the REAL PRICE, don’t you see the conundrum?

Avoid fast food.
In and Out isn’t fast food right? I mean it has a drive through but they only have like three things on their menu and their fries are made from real potatoes. I know because I have seen them make the fries on multiple occasions. Not that I have fast food a lot, I mean In and Out Burger. I don’t eat the meat so that should count for something right? And I didn’t get animal style like I wanted to and I’m drinking water with my meal and is it really even fast food if the line is taking FOR FUCKING EVER? Good thing I didn’t order a coffee.

So, here I sit with an empty bowl of ice cream next to me (at 8:13pm), a 12oz container of conventional raspberries in the fridge, an eight dollar t-shirt with the tags still on it in the closet, a Starbucks cup in the recycling bin and a serious craving for In and Out Burger. At least I can rest easy knowing that tomorrow is a new day. A day that will surely include a morning yoga session, taking my vitamins, packing my lunch, trying not to say fuck so much, and waking up without hitting the snooze button.

*In case anyone is interested. The dirty dozen consists of: Apples, Peaches, Strawberries, Raspberries, Nectarines, Grapes, Cherries, Pears, Bell Peppers, Celery, Potatoes and Spinach.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

You're my new BEST friend!

This weekend we have house guests and Abner is OBSESSED with a certain one; her name is Regan and she is two and a half years old. I think the obsession is mutual because for the past two days he has been following her around and if he is out of her sight, she is looking for him.

They played with his crate, she locked him in and talked to him through the bars, they played "share the Cheerios" and tug of war and chase and give kisses AND I thought I might die of cute overload.

I think Abner wants a friend that is his size to hang out with all the time. It must be hell on his neck always having to look up at everyone. Maybe I should book him a nice massage, see if it improves is sassy attitude. Perhaps all this time I thought he was ignoring me he was really just sick and tired of lifting his head in recognition...hummm

Anyway, I tried ALL weekend to get a good shot of the two of them but of course every time I went to get a camera or either one of them saw a camera they stopped whatever cute thing they were doing. Here are a few shots that kind of came out.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Are we there yet?

Remember when you were a little kid and a short twenty minute car ride took FOREVER? I imagine that is how our dogs feel every time we go somewhere int he car. I am sure if they could, they would chant, "are we there yet?" the entire time.

I'm SO glad my children can not speak!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

You'd think my nose would have grown by now...

So, I know posting has been a bit light lately and that I even went as far as to write a kind message about it and promise to change my slacker ways. I also know that that was like 5 days ago and I haven't posted a single good thing since, TOTAL LIAR RIGHT?

The catch is, I have a very good reason.

My sweet father in law Patrick suffered a heart attack and Ryan and I went to be with him. Let me first off tell you that he is doing WONDERFUL, very lucky man. He had 99% blockage of a main artery that supplied his body with 60% of its blood, kind of a BIG DEAL! Luckily they were able to go in and place a stint to open the artery back to full flow.

The doctor showed us a video of the procedure and it really was miraculous. We got to see how slowly the blood was moving and how labored his heart was before and then how quickly and freely it was pumping afterward. I mean AMAZING SHIT! He then told us that Patrick was extremely lucky and was fixing to have a MAJOR heart attack but only suffered a mild one that will cause no long term damage to the heart! Best news we could ask for.

Once Ryan and I were able to let out a breath of relief, the fun of sitting around a hospital set it. I am probably going straight to hell for what I am about to write, but I am seriously thinking that it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.

First of all, what the fuck is up with all the fat nurses AND doctors? I can't tell you how many times I heard nurses and doctors giving patients orders to eat better, loose weight and stop smoking only to see them devouring HUGE lunches and taking smoke breaks. I mean, I know it is a stressful job but COME ON!

Patrick's discharge nurse was going over his new diet and straight up said, "I am telling you all this diet information, but honestly, I don't do it." Thanks a lot bitch, couldn't you have lied? It is going to be hard enough to get him off bacon WITHOUT your "help."

Also, I know Fresno is a pretty big city, but holy shit. I saw more pregnant women in the last two days than I have seen in all my years watching A Baby Story. There must have been 5 or 6 of them in the lobby waiting at all times and a few more upstairs doing laps around the banister to bring on contractions. Lucky for them though, they are delivering BEFORE Fresno turns into a hell hole of 100 plus degrees every day.

The topper of the stay has got to be our last day there. To start, we had to wait for two different doctors to sign off on Patrick so he could be discharged. The first came around noon and was quick and painless, but the second took ALL DAY to see us. I understand that he is an important cardiac doctor with a lot to do, but I want to complain and make it all about us and HE MADE US WAIT ALL FUCKING DAY! BOO HOO.

When he finally came in, he gave the EXACT same speech he had given us the day prior, then asked Patrick a few questions and was on his way. ALL DAY FOR THAT? COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE CALLED AND TOLD US? Oh well, at least it is done and we can leave.

In comes the discharge nurse with prescriptions, a sign off sheet and a huge amount of paperwork accompanying all of it. By the end of her speech, which was hard to understand because she was a mumbler, we were told that we were free to go but would have to wait for an escort.

Let me get this straight, he was allowed to walk around the ward at his leisure before, but now that we are leaving he suddenly needs a wheelchair? Whatever, you hospitals and all your silly rules, I will never understand. Anyway, he couldn't fill his Rx because his pharmacy was already closed so I go ask the nurse if we can have his pills for the evening as we will not be able to get to the pharmacy until tomorrow.

Of course we can, and she opens up the pill cabinet. Ryan has gone to bring the car around by now and Patrick is sitting in the wheelchair patiently waiting to breath some fresh air and the nurse is taking FOREVER to find the pills. Finally she comes up with two small bags containing one pill each and tells me that these are his pills for the night.

I take one look at the labels on the bags and inform the nurse that this is NOT Luis Williams, this is Patrick Nessier and she has just given us the WRONG PILLS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Pull your shit together lady, go have a smoke, whatever it takes, the wrong pills, NOT OK!

Finally, with the correct pills in hand, Patrick in his wheelchair and Ryan in the pick up area we are free...until Ryan realized he forgot the huge pile of paperwork at the hospital and has to drive all the way back to get it; bless his heart.

And while the past few days have been trying, I must say that we did pretty good in crisis mode and I am more than impressed with my husband, his huge heart, and the love it exudes every day. You really are amazing babe. And Patrick, even if you think I'm not watching, I KNOW if you have been eating t-bone and onion rings; be good! Love Anne

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Checking on the progress

As you know, a lot of planting has been going on around here and Ryan has had help every step of the way. Not from me of course, unless you count my generous contribution of beer, but his loyal sidekick is never far away and always willing to lend a hand weather it is digging a hole or surveying the land.

Am I crazy or did that last run on sentence sound kind of poetic?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Crazy Time

At least twice a day, but sometimes ALL F-ING DAY, Abner goes crazy. This typically starts with a bark and turns into a full on run around the house doing burnouts while barking and jumping and growling and barking some more and getting out toys and killing them and did I mention BARKING.

Sometimes he has a solo freak out but every once and a while Lilly or Ryan will join in making it a fun family afair, a real treat for the ears. The other night Ryan and I were minding our own business, sitting in the living room when Abner woke up from a nap, jumped up onto the couch and started barking insensitively INTO MY EAR.

I was like what the...did he have a dream about barking and HAVE to wake up and bark? Does he even know what the hell he is doing? Obscure beast of a dog! We looked at him like he was crazy, which he really is, and he just kept on barking until finally giving up and falling back to sleep.

It looked a lot like this but much LOUDER!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Ryan, Ryan, Quit Your Cryin', I'm Sure Your Garden Will Grow...

I don’t know if you know this or not, but Ryan has quite the green thumb. Kind of like a modern day Midas except everything he touches turns green rather than gold. I on the other hand have a black thumb…ring finger, middle finger, pointer and pinky.

I once kept a house plant alive for an entire year and when I told one of my friends who has multiple house plants she looked at me, looked at the plant and informed me that, “those plants are impossible to kill.” Thanks a lot asshole, there went my one plant accomplishment.

I guess plants have just never been my thing. I mean, I appreciate how beautiful they are and I like them around me, but they are just so needy. The plant needs water. Now it needs more sunshine. Oh wait, too much sunshine. You need to aerate the roots before you plant it, you need to tickle the blossoms, you need to fertilize and prune and shape and trim and blah blah blah. See, not my thing.

Fortunately for me, gardening is Ryan’s thing. Without him I’d be living in a house with no plants in the yard or at the very best a few half dead full sun plants dying in the shade while I cursed them for not growing. He has single handedly transformed our backyard and is working hard on the front as we speak.

You see, when we moved in there was not a plant to be found. One tree in the back yard, one out front and a couple of weeds were the only living things around. Slowly but surely, as time and weather permit, Ryan has been working away. The only problem with him loving yard work so much is that he puts so much pressure on his garden to grow that I think it is going to start snorting coke and hanging out with the wrong crowd.

He painstakingly chooses a plants location, works the dirt with some other kind of soil, digs a hole just the right size and then covers the roots. He has done this a million times and I think he is fairly confident with his planting ability but he still worries.

The first year he planted a vegetable garden he paced back and forth in front of it so often he wore a path along the edge. This year will be the third year that he has planted a vegetable garden and he is just as nervous that it will not grow as he was the first year. (mind you his garden was amazing and we had more vegetables than we knew what to do with and we eat A LOT of vegetables).

I remember searching around the house for him only to find him outside pacing by his tomatoes, willing them to grow. “They are going to die! What if they don’t grow? What if I kill them all? What if this is just a big disappointment and waste of time?” Wow, someone needs a cocktail; Bloody Mary with home grown tomatoes? IF THEY GROW!

So dramatic! Anyway, our yard is really coming together and I am looking forward to Summer so we can start spending more time outside. Salinas is cool and foggy until late August but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy our yard wearing a sweatshirt.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Out of the Loop

Not that many people check my blog on a regular basis, but for the one or two of you that do, I am sure you have noticed that there hasn’t been much to read as of late.

I apologize. I have three or four almost finished posts just sitting here, waiting to be edited but I can’t seem to wrap my brain around doing anything about it. Every time I sit down to write lately I freeze up, literally feel like I cannot write a SINGLE word. And if I do come up with something I delete it just as fast because it makes NO SENSE. Kind of like this post. I mean really, does this make any sense at all?

Coincidently I have been reading a really interesting book about adult ADD and some of the hallmarks are not completing tasks and not being able to focus. Humm, moving on…

Anyway, stay tuned because if I can actually figure out a way to get some of my ideas that come to me in the middle of the night or while in the shower on paper we might actually get somewhere.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tiny feet

The other morning I woke up around 6am to pee and when I cam back to bed, this is what I saw...

I assumed Ryan let him into bed but it turns out that while I was up he snuck in, crawled under the covers and fell fast asleep. How did he fall asleep in the time it took me to pee you may wonder. Well, he didn't. He likes to shut his eyes and breathe heavily any time he thinks we are going to move him and he doesn't want to be moved.

I so badly wanted to kick is ass out of my spot, but those little feet were too cute to move.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Brace Face

I think someone needs braces. I am obviously kidding, but did you know they actually have DOG ORTHODONTICS! You can get braces for your dog! Supposedly a dog dentist will only put them on for medical reasons, but something tells me there are a few show dogs out there whose owners can't feed them caramels if you know what I mean...

Mmmm, caramel

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Family Tree

I was jogging along the rec. trail in Monterey the other day when I noticed some of Abner's extended family sunning themselves on the beach. If you look really closely you can see his grandfather.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Shoplifters of the world, unite and take over

Lilly's 7th birthday was this weekend and we made sure it was a birthday to remember. We started the day off with a nice refreshing trip to Carmel beach followed by a visit to Diggity Dog, a rad dog boutique down the street.

When we walked in she and Abner's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates with delight at the huge bins of free flowing TREATS. Now, this is not our first rodeo and we know to walk past the bins quickly or it would just be a fight to keep her skull out of them. I figure letting her go in Diggity Dog would be like letting me go at an all you can eat ice cream buffet.

Once she gained her composure, aside from the drool dripping from her jowls, we let her pick out a bone, a treat and a piece of doggy birthday cake. Abner of course got a few treats as well, but no cake as he cannot chew it with his ridiculous bully teeth.

The store clerk, noticing that we were getting doggy cake, asked who's birthday it was and proceeded to give Lilly and Abner more treats than they typically get in a month in 25 seconds. Luckily Abner chews VERY SLOWLY and gets every other bite stuck in his gums or I imagine the stench from his ass would have killed us both later that night.

Anyway, Lilly is PUMPED, she doesn't even know what is going on. Did I die and go to heaven? Can they FINALLY read my mind!? Why are is everyone FEEDING ME!!!!?? She was so beside herself with glee that by the time we left I think she was in a whole other world. We began walking toward the door and boom, faster than she lunges for cat shit, she lunged toward the peanut butter treats and INHALED two of them INHALED! I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING.

I looked back to see if any of the employees saw us and when I realized they were looking the other way, I ran out the door. I wanted to avoid the whole awkward calling of the cops, the questioning Lilly about her eating disorder and grilling the parents about her new affinity for shoplifting!

Next stop, breakfast.

We decided on Jeffery's in Mid Valley because, well, it's really fucking GOOD. We got Lilly a side of bacon and snuck her little pieces throughout the meal, every time looking more and more elated that she was EATING BACON FROM THE TABLE. Again, she got a little too cocky and licked a raspberry right off my plate. Oh well, you are only 7 once.

And while her face may be getting grey, her spirit is as bright as a young pup. She is one of the strangest, most techno dogs I have ever met, but I love her more than I could have ever imagined.