Saturday, February 27, 2010

This Charming Man...



Just emptied our bathroom trash can which is usually almost empty at the weeks end. Not this week. This week it was almost overflowing with Kleenex. Gross! I am FINALLY getting better and ready to enjoy this weekend. Abner is ready!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Slaw Dog

This past weekend I watched a lot more TV than usual; curled up in my little bed nest, blowing my nose and cursing the fact that popsicles need to be kept in the freezer rather than at arms length. While wallowing in my own misery I discovered a new show that I really enjoyed called "The Best Thing I Ever Ate," on the Food Network. It is a show that asks chefs and food celebrities their absolute favorite foods and where we as the general public can find them. The food, not the chefs.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big sweets person. I have never met a cupcake I didn't like and no matter if I have to unbutton my pants, there is ALWAYS room for dessert. So you'll understand my surprise when instead of perking up for apple tart, I full on sat up in bed for a hot dog!

It must have been the way he was describing it, or perhaps it was the love in his eyes for this hot dog that really sold me, who knows. All I know is that I memorized the toppings and was determined to recreate this hot dog...as soon as I got my sense of taste and smell back, of course.

Though I was still a bit stuffed up, I decided that last night was the perfect night for a hot dog and I was pleasantly surprised. Something about the combination of ingredients or the fact that a hot dog is trashy, but in this case disguised to be fancy; kind of like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. By the end of the movie she is all "put together" and while there aren't condoms falling out of her boots, she is still a hooker and my hot dog was still a hot dog but damn, it looked good in its new boots.



I don't really have a recipe and I am POSITIVE the hot dog on TV was not vegetarian, but I'll give you the ingredients and how I assembled it in case you are interested.

Whole Wheat buns, toasted on the grill
Vegetarian or meat hot dog if you prefer
Hot mustard
Chopped purple onions
Shredded cheddar cheese
Blue cheese coleslaw*
*store bought chopped cabbage/slaw mix mixed with chunky blue cheese dressing and finely chopped jalapeƱo

You will also notice that Ryan prepared tater tots in place of our usual salad for our "vegetable." We didn't want the hot dog to get cocky and think he could share a paper plate with spinach salad!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Snip, Snip

Today is "Spay Day" 2010. Myself and The Humane Society urge you to please spay and/or neuter your pets! Not only does it help prevent overpopulation and euthanization, but it also gives your pet a healthier, longer life. In fact, early spaying nearly eliminates breast cancer, and totally prevents uterine infections and uterine and testicular cancer!
Boys, I PROMISE your dog won't miss his balls. You are probably more attached to them than he is.



I wish I was a little bit taller...

I wish I was a baller

please note the unfortunate butt rolls that appear when he stands on his haunches.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Feng Shui

I spent most of this weekend in bed which gave me plenty of time to think about how I could rearrange our bedroom. I have never particularly liked how the furniture was arranged, but due to the fact that our bed is a royal pain to move and the other furniture requires “team lifting,” I always put it off. But things can only be put off for so long until a sick, weak, stir crazy lady just can’t take it anymore.

By Sunday morning I was so annoyed with the four walls of my bedroom that I could have screamed. I had to get out. I knew Ryan was pretty keen on me resting one more day so my excuse to get out of the house had to be a good one. Sourdough pancakes at Zachary’s should do the trick. I put on a little blush so I would look slightly better than death and suggested breakfast at his favorite place. He was so excited at the suggestion that the blush turned out to be a complete waste of time. With the enthusiasm of a 5 year old on his birthday, we were off to Santa Cruz.

Ryan: What are you thinking about?

Me: I want to try a science experiment.

Ryan: OK, what is it?

Me: I heard that if you don’t eat the tip of asparagus your pee won’t smell so I want to cook some tomorrow and have you eat the tips and me eat the bottom part and then we can pee and see if it is true.

Ryan: Why do you want me to eat the tips and have smelly pee?

Me: Well, you always get such a kick out of it

Ryan: (giving a look only a loving husband could give a clearly crazy wife) OK let’s try it. What else are you thinking?

Me: When we get home let’s rearrange our bedroom!

Ryan: We’ll see how you are feeling when we get home

Thank goodness for the blush application that has suddenly come in handy.

The moment we arrived home I was on a mission. I knew if I sat down for even a minute I would never get up. I honestly didn’t feel very well but once I get something in my head there is NO stopping me. We spent the next few hours taking apart the tweaked bed frame, shaking out the shag rug, finding a new TV table in the garage and putting the room back together again. I must say I am SO pleased with the result and the rearrangement didn’t cost a dime, in fact I even found money under the nightstand.

This morning we wake up and…

Ryan: How did you sleep in our new room?

Me: Surprisingly well. I think our bed is actually more comfortable on this wall.

Ryan: Oh my gosh, me too!

I was going to attach pictures but I thought it was a little strange to post pictures of my bedroom…what do you think? Should I reconsider? Maybe you should come visit and I’ll show you in person. I have wine...and chocolate…and a French bulldog…

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Is it really necessary...


to chew your bone on the back of the chair while perched on your dad's shoulder? Absolutely!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I'll Help!



I have been sick the past few days and the dogs have been staying close. Here is Abner, sleeping between my legs as I blog about Tylenol :)

Friday, February 19, 2010

B.Y.O.T (bring your own Tylenol)

I am probably one of the most annoying sick people on the face of the earth. Not because I whine and want everyone to feel sorry for me, oh no, quite the opposite. When I am sick I like to be alone. I gather some water and Kleenex and retreat to wallow in self-misery. I refuse medication, swear I need nothing, absolutely will NOT go to the Dr. and worst of all, constantly say that I feel fine. Of course this is the opposite of how I want everyone else to act when they are sick but that is a whole other story.

Anyway, on Tuesday I felt a little sore throat coming on but thought nothing of it. Then Wednesday, at 4am I left for Vegas where I was going to nanny for the next two days. By Wednesday afternoon I was not feeling so hot but assumed it had something to do with the 2 hours of sleep, flying and being in a smoke filled city. Wednesday evening the little elves at the snot factory punch in and I go from ehh I kind of don’t feel good to holy shit my head is going to explode in the course of about 2 hours.

Now, we have already established that I don’t like to take medicine, but after fighting a fever all night, I was ready for some Tylenol. I figured my best bet was to call down and see if the hotel had some, this is the response I got, “I’m sorry, we don’t carry any drugs in our gift shop,” as though I was all hey, do you think room service could bring up an 8ball of coke? This is Vegas right? Anyway, the baby woke up from his nap around 2 and we were on our way, smoky air, hookers and Tylenol here we come.

We take a shuttle from our hotel to the only other hotel the shuttle goes to, Mandalay Bay. I won’t even go into what a pain in the ass it is to travel with a baby in this post, perhaps another time, but know this; it is a HUGE pain in the ass to travel with a baby! That being said, I unload the baby and all our shit off the shuttle and off we go. By now I have the shakes, that strange fever tender skin, a raw nose from blowing it with napkins, and about zero patience for Vegas patrons.

We reach the “shops” section of the hotel and I ask a man at the information desk to direct me to the nearest general store type shop. Blank stare. He asks me what I am looking for, “Tylenol,” I respond. He stares at me as though I have just asked the most absurd question he has had all day and says he doesn’t know of any and will have to ask his supervisor. Seriously? OK, supervisor says there is a 24 hour market by the check in desk of the Luxor which is connected to this hotel. Fine, I’m desperate

Up one elevator, around the bend, down another elevator, did I mention it is a pain in the ass to travel with a baby? And finally precariously carrying a baby and holding a stroller on an escalator later, I find the Luxor. I can almost taste the bitter white shell of Tylenol now. I scan the room in search of the 24 hour market only to find 2 half naked girls dancing on stripper poles and suddenly I am very aware that I have a baby with me. I better find my drugs fast and get out of here.

“Hang a right just past the Cat House and then down the stairs you will find the market.” Stairs? You have got to be fucking kidding me; I have a stroller and a fever for god’s sake! I lug the stroller down the stairs and there it is the dimmest yet most glorious flashing light in the whole casino, the sign for the 24 hour market.

After paying 5 dollars for 4 Tylenol, I am faced with finding a bathroom or drinking fountain because I refuse to pay 4 more dollars for a bottle of water. I figure that instead of asking around where the nearest bathroom is, I will just go back to Mandalay Bay and use the one I saw on my may over. One precarious escalator ride and two elevator adventures later I am finally there. I am so filled with anticipation that I can hardly contain myself. I tear the thin sheet of cardboard from the travel packet and am now only one layer away from relief. I take out the packet of Tylenol, oh my gosh this is like Christmas, and then I see it. That tiny picture of a pair of scissors indicating that I need them to open the packet. NO! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! THIS IS TRAVEL TYLENOL! I HAVE A DIAPER BAG, A PURSE AND A BOTTLE COOLER BUT NO SCISSORS! SHIT!

What I do next would make my mother cringe. I go against years of advice and horror of horrors, I use my TEETH. Contrary to what I have always been told, my tooth does not chip and the packet is open. At this point I feel like a heroin addict about to get her fix. I have gone through to much to get to these two little white pills, so unassuming with their fine red text. I use my hand to scoop Las Vegas tap water into my mouth and pop the pills. It is only a matter of time until the fever subsides. In the mean time I have to get the baby back on the shuttle, back to the hotel, packed up and to the airport. In case I didn’t bring it to your attention, it is a real pain in the ass to travel with a baby.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentines Day

I just realized my dogs are kind of like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Rwarr!

There is a new animal in the Nessier home.

No, not this kind...unfortunately ;)


Not quite this animal either...


Our new animal actually cleans rather than makes more messes. Internet, let me introduce you to my new animal; the Dyson Animal Ball and let me tell you, it has some serious balls!


When we moved into our house we were lucky enough to get a gently used vacuum that works quite well. I have no complaints about it other than it is a canister vacuum and no matter how careful I am, I bang it into the wall every time!

I typically vacuum 4 times a week and for those of you who have a stunned look on your face, wipe it off, 3 pets, long dark brown hairs everywhere and a husband requires 4 times a week! Anyway, I vacuumed Sunday afternoon and then again with the new Animal on Tuesday.

Two days and...

(a letter for size reference)
OH MY DISGUSTING CARPET. This is just one room, and only TWO DAYS. I could go on and on about how rad the vacuum is, but the main reason I wanted it was for pet hair on surfaces. It does an amazing job at removing even the little sticky Lilly hairs that poke my boob through my bra and are impossible to locate. I must say, I am quite excited. I may even vacuum 5 times this week.

P.S This vacuum was a VERY nice and unexpected gift from my fairy godmother, Gail. My family and my floors thank you :)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Obsessed

I tend to get obsessed with different snack items and eat them until I can no longer even look at the package without wanting to vomit. This week it is Trader Joe's Kettle Corn. The bag states that it is the perfect balance of sweet and salty and I couldn't agree more. I also love the design of the bag. Good ol' Trader Joe's!

I get up for one second and...



he takes over my warm spot. The worst part; I think he is so cute that I totally let him get away with it and quietly sit on the floor.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Good morning

Ryan has been out of town for the past couple of days and while I am a lady who likes her space, I really do miss having him here. I like to complain about the drawers he leaves ajar, the cupboards he leaves half open, the shoes in the entry way and the jackets left on the back of the chairs, but I just realized something…I actually kind of like it.

When I come home and it is just me I put my purse down, change my clothes, placing all dirty ones in the hamper no less and settle in, no tiding up to do. No little reminders of Ryan and all the little quarks I love to hate.

Last night was night three alone and the last thing I saw before I went to bed was his jacket, draped over the back of a chair, subtly saying goodnight. I left it there for that specific reason. Little did I know that jacket would serve double duty later that night when Abner woke up at 4 am gagging. Sorry babe, your jacket is now holding an enormous pile of dog vomit but know this. By the time you get home tonight it will be laundered and hung up in its appropriate spot leaving the chairs back clear for your coat.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mars and Venus

Early on in our relationship it was established that Ryan was very much a “fixer” and I was very much a step back, think about the most logical way to deal with the problem for 45 minutes, possibly then take action and spend the next 3 days wondering if I made the right decision. I understand this is infuriating but it is just how I roll. I absolutely hate messing up or making a poor choice no matter how insignificant it may be. I have been known to get upset because I decided to eat a Tofurkey sandwich and halfway through I wish I would have made PB&J.

This difference in dealing with problems comes up on a pretty regular basis and we have become quite good at reading each other and coming up with a solution we both feel comfortable with. Occasionally though, there is some serious tension.

Last week Ryan had new tires installed on his car. Feeling pretty excited about it, we choose to drive his car to the beach on Sunday (we typically drive my car on the weekends because he drives every weekday for work). Driving out of the neighborhood everything was going smoothly. Mix CD playing, dog’s ears flapping in the breeze, etc. But as soon as we got on to the freeway and picked up some speed his car started to make a funny noise. Later that day my dad looked at it and decided it probably had something to do with an axle, but I honestly don't remember. Anyway we arranged for me to drop it off in the morning at the car Dr., yes, the business is actually called the car Dr., and he would take my car to work.

From this point on his day just got shittier and he ended up having to drive all the way to a job, find out it was cancelled, drive home and then back to another job and then home. I knew I wasn’t going to be opening the door to a happy husband that evening.

9:30 rolls around and I hear the car pull up and get up to greet him only to discover a concerned look on his face.

Ryan: Has your key ever gotten stuck in the ignition before?

Me: Umm, no, what do you mean?

Ryan: I have the car in park and the key will not come out of the ignition!

Me: Shit! Let me check it out.

We walk out to the car and sure enough the key is stuck in the ignition. I of course did NOT believe him until I too had tried to pull the key out unsuccessfully. We then proceed to do exactly what you would expect. Try over and over, almost exactly the same way each time, to pull the key out.

Me: Let me try!

Ryan: What are you doing to do that I am not doing?

Me: I don’t know, maybe finesse it a certain way, maybe my car likes me better

Meanwhile, because the key is in the ignition, the door open dinging is in full effect. I don’t know if you know this already, but I am kind of sensitive to repetitive noise and door dinging ranks right up there with pen clicking in sounds that make me want to kill myself.

Ryan then decides he is going to drive the car around the block and try again...this is where it gets ugly.

Me: Why would driving it make any difference!

Ryan…no words, just death stare

Me: Fine. I’ll go inside and Google keys stuck in ignition

Now, I’d like to say that I went inside very calmly and sat down to my computer but in reality I was totally irritated. Why does he think driving will fix anything? He better not break MY car! If he breaks something out of frustration I am going to be PISSED! Just because his car is at the Dr. doesn’t mean he has to hurt MINE! And so on and so forth.

The joyride doesn't work, and over the next 30 minutes or so we try various remedies concluding with me telling him he wasn’t allowed to disconnect my battery, and in my best 5 year old voice telling him he could do whatever HE wanted I was going inside! Exclamation point, door SLAMMED

I didn’t tell him this, but after I got inside and did some more Googling, I read that disconnecting the batter might work. Shhhh, don’t blow this for me.

After about 5 minutes of pouting, I went back outside to find him in the most precarious position, wedged under the dashboard. I was over it. I told him that I would really like to just switch places to block my car in the driveway and bring it into Honda in the morning. He unenthusiastically agreed and we swapped places in the driveway.

What happened next was straight out of a movie. He pops out of the car, key in one hand, hair clip in the other and in the most patronizing voice EVER says,”recognize THIS!” Oops, totally forgot the clip was hurting my head the other morning and I put it on the shifter causing it to not click into park all the way and thus not allowing the key to be released. Ha Ha Ha

And that is when he did something ONLY a man would do. I kid you not; he put the key back into the ignition just to make sure it would come out again.

Determinded

Behind that door is a toy that we hid from Abner because he was ripping the stuffing out while we were eating dinner. He sat there begging for 20+ minutes before finally falling asleep

Monday, February 1, 2010

Baby, it's cold outside

Ever since he was a tiny puppy, Abner has loved to sit in front of or on top of heater vents. This is how I found him this morning...



A bit later I put him out to pee and opened the door to find him here (if the picture is hard to make out, he is sitting under the dryer vent)...