Mars and Venus

Early on in our relationship it was established that Ryan was very much a “fixer” and I was very much a step back, think about the most logical way to deal with the problem for 45 minutes, possibly then take action and spend the next 3 days wondering if I made the right decision. I understand this is infuriating but it is just how I roll. I absolutely hate messing up or making a poor choice no matter how insignificant it may be. I have been known to get upset because I decided to eat a Tofurkey sandwich and halfway through I wish I would have made PB&J.

This difference in dealing with problems comes up on a pretty regular basis and we have become quite good at reading each other and coming up with a solution we both feel comfortable with. Occasionally though, there is some serious tension.

Last week Ryan had new tires installed on his car. Feeling pretty excited about it, we choose to drive his car to the beach on Sunday (we typically drive my car on the weekends because he drives every weekday for work). Driving out of the neighborhood everything was going smoothly. Mix CD playing, dog’s ears flapping in the breeze, etc. But as soon as we got on to the freeway and picked up some speed his car started to make a funny noise. Later that day my dad looked at it and decided it probably had something to do with an axle, but I honestly don't remember. Anyway we arranged for me to drop it off in the morning at the car Dr., yes, the business is actually called the car Dr., and he would take my car to work.

From this point on his day just got shittier and he ended up having to drive all the way to a job, find out it was cancelled, drive home and then back to another job and then home. I knew I wasn’t going to be opening the door to a happy husband that evening.

9:30 rolls around and I hear the car pull up and get up to greet him only to discover a concerned look on his face.

Ryan: Has your key ever gotten stuck in the ignition before?

Me: Umm, no, what do you mean?

Ryan: I have the car in park and the key will not come out of the ignition!

Me: Shit! Let me check it out.

We walk out to the car and sure enough the key is stuck in the ignition. I of course did NOT believe him until I too had tried to pull the key out unsuccessfully. We then proceed to do exactly what you would expect. Try over and over, almost exactly the same way each time, to pull the key out.

Me: Let me try!

Ryan: What are you doing to do that I am not doing?

Me: I don’t know, maybe finesse it a certain way, maybe my car likes me better

Meanwhile, because the key is in the ignition, the door open dinging is in full effect. I don’t know if you know this already, but I am kind of sensitive to repetitive noise and door dinging ranks right up there with pen clicking in sounds that make me want to kill myself.

Ryan then decides he is going to drive the car around the block and try again...this is where it gets ugly.

Me: Why would driving it make any difference!

Ryan…no words, just death stare

Me: Fine. I’ll go inside and Google keys stuck in ignition

Now, I’d like to say that I went inside very calmly and sat down to my computer but in reality I was totally irritated. Why does he think driving will fix anything? He better not break MY car! If he breaks something out of frustration I am going to be PISSED! Just because his car is at the Dr. doesn’t mean he has to hurt MINE! And so on and so forth.

The joyride doesn't work, and over the next 30 minutes or so we try various remedies concluding with me telling him he wasn’t allowed to disconnect my battery, and in my best 5 year old voice telling him he could do whatever HE wanted I was going inside! Exclamation point, door SLAMMED

I didn’t tell him this, but after I got inside and did some more Googling, I read that disconnecting the batter might work. Shhhh, don’t blow this for me.

After about 5 minutes of pouting, I went back outside to find him in the most precarious position, wedged under the dashboard. I was over it. I told him that I would really like to just switch places to block my car in the driveway and bring it into Honda in the morning. He unenthusiastically agreed and we swapped places in the driveway.

What happened next was straight out of a movie. He pops out of the car, key in one hand, hair clip in the other and in the most patronizing voice EVER says,”recognize THIS!” Oops, totally forgot the clip was hurting my head the other morning and I put it on the shifter causing it to not click into park all the way and thus not allowing the key to be released. Ha Ha Ha

And that is when he did something ONLY a man would do. I kid you not; he put the key back into the ignition just to make sure it would come out again.

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