B.Y.O.T (bring your own Tylenol)
I am probably one of the most annoying sick people on the face of the earth. Not because I whine and want everyone to feel sorry for me, oh no, quite the opposite. When I am sick I like to be alone. I gather some water and Kleenex and retreat to wallow in self-misery. I refuse medication, swear I need nothing, absolutely will NOT go to the Dr. and worst of all, constantly say that I feel fine. Of course this is the opposite of how I want everyone else to act when they are sick but that is a whole other story.
Anyway, on Tuesday I felt a little sore throat coming on but thought nothing of it. Then Wednesday, at 4am I left for Vegas where I was going to nanny for the next two days. By Wednesday afternoon I was not feeling so hot but assumed it had something to do with the 2 hours of sleep, flying and being in a smoke filled city. Wednesday evening the little elves at the snot factory punch in and I go from ehh I kind of don’t feel good to holy shit my head is going to explode in the course of about 2 hours.
Now, we have already established that I don’t like to take medicine, but after fighting a fever all night, I was ready for some Tylenol. I figured my best bet was to call down and see if the hotel had some, this is the response I got, “I’m sorry, we don’t carry any drugs in our gift shop,” as though I was all hey, do you think room service could bring up an 8ball of coke? This is Vegas right? Anyway, the baby woke up from his nap around 2 and we were on our way, smoky air, hookers and Tylenol here we come.
We take a shuttle from our hotel to the only other hotel the shuttle goes to, Mandalay Bay. I won’t even go into what a pain in the ass it is to travel with a baby in this post, perhaps another time, but know this; it is a HUGE pain in the ass to travel with a baby! That being said, I unload the baby and all our shit off the shuttle and off we go. By now I have the shakes, that strange fever tender skin, a raw nose from blowing it with napkins, and about zero patience for Vegas patrons.
We reach the “shops” section of the hotel and I ask a man at the information desk to direct me to the nearest general store type shop. Blank stare. He asks me what I am looking for, “Tylenol,” I respond. He stares at me as though I have just asked the most absurd question he has had all day and says he doesn’t know of any and will have to ask his supervisor. Seriously? OK, supervisor says there is a 24 hour market by the check in desk of the Luxor which is connected to this hotel. Fine, I’m desperate
Up one elevator, around the bend, down another elevator, did I mention it is a pain in the ass to travel with a baby? And finally precariously carrying a baby and holding a stroller on an escalator later, I find the Luxor. I can almost taste the bitter white shell of Tylenol now. I scan the room in search of the 24 hour market only to find 2 half naked girls dancing on stripper poles and suddenly I am very aware that I have a baby with me. I better find my drugs fast and get out of here.
“Hang a right just past the Cat House and then down the stairs you will find the market.” Stairs? You have got to be fucking kidding me; I have a stroller and a fever for god’s sake! I lug the stroller down the stairs and there it is the dimmest yet most glorious flashing light in the whole casino, the sign for the 24 hour market.
After paying 5 dollars for 4 Tylenol, I am faced with finding a bathroom or drinking fountain because I refuse to pay 4 more dollars for a bottle of water. I figure that instead of asking around where the nearest bathroom is, I will just go back to Mandalay Bay and use the one I saw on my may over. One precarious escalator ride and two elevator adventures later I am finally there. I am so filled with anticipation that I can hardly contain myself. I tear the thin sheet of cardboard from the travel packet and am now only one layer away from relief. I take out the packet of Tylenol, oh my gosh this is like Christmas, and then I see it. That tiny picture of a pair of scissors indicating that I need them to open the packet. NO! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! THIS IS TRAVEL TYLENOL! I HAVE A DIAPER BAG, A PURSE AND A BOTTLE COOLER BUT NO SCISSORS! SHIT!
What I do next would make my mother cringe. I go against years of advice and horror of horrors, I use my TEETH. Contrary to what I have always been told, my tooth does not chip and the packet is open. At this point I feel like a heroin addict about to get her fix. I have gone through to much to get to these two little white pills, so unassuming with their fine red text. I use my hand to scoop Las Vegas tap water into my mouth and pop the pills. It is only a matter of time until the fever subsides. In the mean time I have to get the baby back on the shuttle, back to the hotel, packed up and to the airport. In case I didn’t bring it to your attention, it is a real pain in the ass to travel with a baby.
Anyway, on Tuesday I felt a little sore throat coming on but thought nothing of it. Then Wednesday, at 4am I left for Vegas where I was going to nanny for the next two days. By Wednesday afternoon I was not feeling so hot but assumed it had something to do with the 2 hours of sleep, flying and being in a smoke filled city. Wednesday evening the little elves at the snot factory punch in and I go from ehh I kind of don’t feel good to holy shit my head is going to explode in the course of about 2 hours.
Now, we have already established that I don’t like to take medicine, but after fighting a fever all night, I was ready for some Tylenol. I figured my best bet was to call down and see if the hotel had some, this is the response I got, “I’m sorry, we don’t carry any drugs in our gift shop,” as though I was all hey, do you think room service could bring up an 8ball of coke? This is Vegas right? Anyway, the baby woke up from his nap around 2 and we were on our way, smoky air, hookers and Tylenol here we come.
We take a shuttle from our hotel to the only other hotel the shuttle goes to, Mandalay Bay. I won’t even go into what a pain in the ass it is to travel with a baby in this post, perhaps another time, but know this; it is a HUGE pain in the ass to travel with a baby! That being said, I unload the baby and all our shit off the shuttle and off we go. By now I have the shakes, that strange fever tender skin, a raw nose from blowing it with napkins, and about zero patience for Vegas patrons.
We reach the “shops” section of the hotel and I ask a man at the information desk to direct me to the nearest general store type shop. Blank stare. He asks me what I am looking for, “Tylenol,” I respond. He stares at me as though I have just asked the most absurd question he has had all day and says he doesn’t know of any and will have to ask his supervisor. Seriously? OK, supervisor says there is a 24 hour market by the check in desk of the Luxor which is connected to this hotel. Fine, I’m desperate
Up one elevator, around the bend, down another elevator, did I mention it is a pain in the ass to travel with a baby? And finally precariously carrying a baby and holding a stroller on an escalator later, I find the Luxor. I can almost taste the bitter white shell of Tylenol now. I scan the room in search of the 24 hour market only to find 2 half naked girls dancing on stripper poles and suddenly I am very aware that I have a baby with me. I better find my drugs fast and get out of here.
“Hang a right just past the Cat House and then down the stairs you will find the market.” Stairs? You have got to be fucking kidding me; I have a stroller and a fever for god’s sake! I lug the stroller down the stairs and there it is the dimmest yet most glorious flashing light in the whole casino, the sign for the 24 hour market.
After paying 5 dollars for 4 Tylenol, I am faced with finding a bathroom or drinking fountain because I refuse to pay 4 more dollars for a bottle of water. I figure that instead of asking around where the nearest bathroom is, I will just go back to Mandalay Bay and use the one I saw on my may over. One precarious escalator ride and two elevator adventures later I am finally there. I am so filled with anticipation that I can hardly contain myself. I tear the thin sheet of cardboard from the travel packet and am now only one layer away from relief. I take out the packet of Tylenol, oh my gosh this is like Christmas, and then I see it. That tiny picture of a pair of scissors indicating that I need them to open the packet. NO! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! THIS IS TRAVEL TYLENOL! I HAVE A DIAPER BAG, A PURSE AND A BOTTLE COOLER BUT NO SCISSORS! SHIT!
What I do next would make my mother cringe. I go against years of advice and horror of horrors, I use my TEETH. Contrary to what I have always been told, my tooth does not chip and the packet is open. At this point I feel like a heroin addict about to get her fix. I have gone through to much to get to these two little white pills, so unassuming with their fine red text. I use my hand to scoop Las Vegas tap water into my mouth and pop the pills. It is only a matter of time until the fever subsides. In the mean time I have to get the baby back on the shuttle, back to the hotel, packed up and to the airport. In case I didn’t bring it to your attention, it is a real pain in the ass to travel with a baby.
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