Some things better left unsaid...

-
If Ryan were Superman, his kryptonite's would be mayonnaise and sour cream. Needless to say whenever we go out to eat there is always a firm, NO MAYO ON MY SANDWICH or NO SOUR CREAM ANYWHERE NEAR MY NACHOS! I know he really wants to pull a Bruce Willis and say, "if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door."

At breakfast:

Waitress: Here you go. (puts Ryan's plate down with a HUGE gob of sour cream)

Me: Oh, he didn't want sour cream

Ryan: No words, just making a face as though someone had just shit on his foot

Waitress: Oh my gosh I am so sorry, you did say no sour cream, here let me take it back...are you allergic?

Ryan: No, it just makes me want to vomit!

Me: Check please

Comments

  1. Shannon NessierJune 7, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    I couldn't agree more with all my brother's sentiments and behaviors. Anyone in food service should know those lard based products are either loved or hated, and pay attention. Its not like you can just pick it off, its spreadable lard for f-'s sake.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Klean n' Shine

-
Image
Anyone who has met me knows that little things like smashed pillows on the sofa, crumbs on the counter, water spots on the faucet fixtures, crooked picture frames and dust bunnies don’t bother me at all. So what I am about to tell you may shock you. I few days ago ran out of crack, I mean Klean n’ Shine, a cleaning product from the 70’s that is so toxic it foams at the mouth but I can not stop using it because it cleans EVERYTHING and doesn’t streak and F you planet, I do a lot for you already, I LOVE KLEAN N’ SHINE. Anyway, I felt the can getting low and made a note to pick up a new can or 10 at the only remaining retailer brave enough to carry this cleaner, Star Market. I grab my cloth bags, see, I told you planet, and head for the market. I make my way directly to the cleaning aisle and scan the usual area only to find that there is no Klean n’ Shine. I try to remain calm but when I see that there isn’t even an empty spot where it is supposed to be, or a tag marking its old spot
Read more

You're kidding, right

-
So, the other day I went to the Doctor for a physical. Sounds pretty boring right? Like why the hell do you care? Well, I haven't been to the doctor for a physical in 10+ years. Now before you get all OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE on me, let me explain. I have a gynecologist that I see annually and quite frankly, I see no other reason to go to the doctor. Unless of course I'm dying, which I am not, or at least I don't think I am. Anyway, there I sat, waiting for the doctor...waiting, still waiting, STILL WAITING, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DOCTOR. Oh, hello. Here, take my blood pressure. 140 over 96. Are you kidding me? Sorry, I'm just nervous, my blood pressure is usually really low. I then began to nervously ramble, telling the doctor my entire life story and ending with the fact that I don't like doctors; sorry doc, but I don't. She proceeded to ask me a variety of questions including a few RANDOM ones like if I wore my seat belt. Yes, I do, in fact
Read more

Wanderlust

-
The weather has been shifting between Winter and Spring lately and the need for change in present in both myself and my children.  Every year around this time I get a deep desire to wander, to move furniture, to deep clean things that aren't even dirty, to purge the old and bask in the new.  Every day I meander around the yard and observe the changes.  Tiny leaves emerging from the trees, weeds poking up all around, camellias blooming.  I count the blossoms on the fruit trees and notice that nearly all the citrus is gone.  As I walk I am reminded of the variety of Spring bulbs that grace our yard with their different colors and smells.  Flowers of Spring are quick to blossom and quick to wilt, but I wait anxiously for their show each year.  This is the time of year that I want to sell it all and move into a tiny house in the woods.  To dig my hands into the cool soil and to feel the sun on my bare skin.  I notice that Caches especially is feeling this Spring energy. He spent th
Read more