It's Oh So Quiet...

-
NOT.  I never realized how loud my house was until I had a baby.   And of course I would have one of the most sensitive sleepers EVER!  I have no idea where he gets it from ME.  You know how a lot of babies sleep soundly in the car seat while their parents shop in Target?  Not mine.  Every creak in the floor, every knee or knuckle crack sounds like an alarm to him.  I take a deep breathe while holding him and he startles.  And don't even get me started on DOG TOENAILS ON THE HARDWOOD FLOORS.

Why is it that the second the kid falls asleep Lilly and Abner feel the need to do laps.  TICK TICK TICK all the way down the hall.  Oh, is the baby sleeping?  Cool, let me flap my ears or snort really loudly before I TICK TICK TICK back down the hall!!  I swear I'm giving Lilly an ear bra and cutting OFF Abner's toenails for Christmas. 

When the baby falls asleep and I morph into a ninja.  First I have to ninja creep out of the room careful not to let my ankles crack as I slip away.  Then there is the S L O W turn of the door knob all the while holding my breath.  Once in the hall I take a deep breath to avoid passing out and rush to the video monitor where I proceed to watch him sleep like it's my job.  As if my watching his every move makes him stay asleep longer.  Inhale, exhale...inhale exhale.  Oh no, he's moving!!!  No, baby, NO!  NOBODY BREATHE!!!

And this is on days when Ryan is not home.  When he is home it adds a whole other dimension to the mix.  For whatever reason my sweet husband who has many gifts, was not blessed with he ability to be quiet.  He cannot speak quietly, walk quietly, sneeze quietly...he can't do ANYTHING quietly.  He also can't quite understand why I go all psycho killer dirty look on him when he makes noise.  It goes something like this. Me: Really??? You're going to eat potato chips??? Couldn't you have chosen a quieter food??  The baby is sleeping.  Him: Really??? Just when I thought you couldn't get any crazier YOU DO!!  Me: Fine but I swear if your chewing wakes that kid up I'm banishing chips from this house!!  Him: CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUMPLE THE BAG!!!

I have a feeling this ninja dance is going to go on for the next, oh 4 years or so.  I should probably invest in a sweet mask and a sword.

Comments

  1. ColbyNovember 25, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    Can I add the sound of my husband opening the mail that he decided was suddenly an imperative task that MUST be accomplished while our darling, sweet, female version of Caches JUST fell asleep in my arms? Cue sound of screaming baby NOW.

    I so feel you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Klean n' Shine

-
Image
Anyone who has met me knows that little things like smashed pillows on the sofa, crumbs on the counter, water spots on the faucet fixtures, crooked picture frames and dust bunnies don’t bother me at all. So what I am about to tell you may shock you. I few days ago ran out of crack, I mean Klean n’ Shine, a cleaning product from the 70’s that is so toxic it foams at the mouth but I can not stop using it because it cleans EVERYTHING and doesn’t streak and F you planet, I do a lot for you already, I LOVE KLEAN N’ SHINE. Anyway, I felt the can getting low and made a note to pick up a new can or 10 at the only remaining retailer brave enough to carry this cleaner, Star Market. I grab my cloth bags, see, I told you planet, and head for the market. I make my way directly to the cleaning aisle and scan the usual area only to find that there is no Klean n’ Shine. I try to remain calm but when I see that there isn’t even an empty spot where it is supposed to be, or a tag marking its old spot
Read more

To Make Things Clear

-
Image
Everyone knows someone who is "that" guy or "that" girl.  You know the one, he or she is always saying the wrong thing or their sense of humor, or lack there of, is constantly being misinterpreted.  You either know someone like this or YOU ARE this person.  Either way, sometimes other peoples words don't come out quite right or you don't read/hear them as they were intended. I fear that I have become "that" girl with the sarcasm and humor in which I write about my son.  Only a small handful of actual people have brought it to my attention, but it was enough for me to take their words into consideration and re-read some of my postings about Caches and the challenges we face.  And you know what?  They are right.  Some of the things I write are a little bit inappropriate, not quite politically correct, and certainly not how some people would speak of their child, but this is how I cope. My writing and a VERY select group of people in my life whom
Read more

Is He a Good Baby? And Other Really Annoying Questions

-
Every mother knows that going out in public with a baby brings on an outrageous amount of unsolicited advice from obnoxious well meaning strangers, but what's up with all the questions?  Oh my goodness...the QUESTIONS!! Does he use a pacifier?  Are you breastfeeding?  Why are you still breastfeeding?  Does he sleep through the night?  Is he in his own bed?  Why isn't that baby wearing a hat?  It's cold.  Boy or girl? Is he a good baby?  Are you just so in love?  Why do you hold that baby so much?  You will spoil him. Are you kidding me!? Now, I understand that most people just like babies and are trying to strike up casual conversation so they can touch my baby with their questionably clean hands and tell me to enjoy every second, BUT some of these questions rub me the wrong way.  Perhaps it is because of the "kind" of baby I have and perhaps it is because I just don't have the answer they are looking for. Does he use a pacifier?  My answer: Yep, he d
Read more