It's Oh So Quiet...

NOT.  I never realized how loud my house was until I had a baby.   And of course I would have one of the most sensitive sleepers EVER!  I have no idea where he gets it from ME.  You know how a lot of babies sleep soundly in the car seat while their parents shop in Target?  Not mine.  Every creak in the floor, every knee or knuckle crack sounds like an alarm to him.  I take a deep breathe while holding him and he startles.  And don't even get me started on DOG TOENAILS ON THE HARDWOOD FLOORS.

Why is it that the second the kid falls asleep Lilly and Abner feel the need to do laps.  TICK TICK TICK all the way down the hall.  Oh, is the baby sleeping?  Cool, let me flap my ears or snort really loudly before I TICK TICK TICK back down the hall!!  I swear I'm giving Lilly an ear bra and cutting OFF Abner's toenails for Christmas. 

When the baby falls asleep and I morph into a ninja.  First I have to ninja creep out of the room careful not to let my ankles crack as I slip away.  Then there is the S L O W turn of the door knob all the while holding my breath.  Once in the hall I take a deep breath to avoid passing out and rush to the video monitor where I proceed to watch him sleep like it's my job.  As if my watching his every move makes him stay asleep longer.  Inhale, exhale...inhale exhale.  Oh no, he's moving!!!  No, baby, NO!  NOBODY BREATHE!!!

And this is on days when Ryan is not home.  When he is home it adds a whole other dimension to the mix.  For whatever reason my sweet husband who has many gifts, was not blessed with he ability to be quiet.  He cannot speak quietly, walk quietly, sneeze quietly...he can't do ANYTHING quietly.  He also can't quite understand why I go all psycho killer dirty look on him when he makes noise.  It goes something like this. Me: Really??? You're going to eat potato chips??? Couldn't you have chosen a quieter food??  The baby is sleeping.  Him: Really??? Just when I thought you couldn't get any crazier YOU DO!!  Me: Fine but I swear if your chewing wakes that kid up I'm banishing chips from this house!!  Him: CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUMPLE THE BAG!!!

I have a feeling this ninja dance is going to go on for the next, oh 4 years or so.  I should probably invest in a sweet mask and a sword.


  1. Can I add the sound of my husband opening the mail that he decided was suddenly an imperative task that MUST be accomplished while our darling, sweet, female version of Caches JUST fell asleep in my arms? Cue sound of screaming baby NOW.

    I so feel you.


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