So, I'm a Liar
Preface:
I know I promised that I'd write on Sunday, but somehow Sunday has turned into Wednesday and yet another task I promised myself I'd complete was left undone.
If you are a friend of mine, or even an online follower, you may be asking yourself where the hell did she go? Or maybe you don't care or maybe you didn't even notice that I dropped off the face of the real world for a few months, but just in case you do care...I'm alive, well kind of.
I REALLY wanted to chronicle my struggle with Caches as it was happening day by day, but days turned into weeks turned into months turned into October....what? It is OCTOBER??? We had a Summer? September happened this year?? TARGET STILL EXISTS??? HOLY SHIT!!!
I am going to go back to the beginning and in a few different parts catch you up to where we currently stand. So, now that we have established that I am kind of alive and will only kind of make sense, here we go.
Act 1:
The first 6 weeks of Caches life were rough, but I would give my left big toe to have those "rough" weeks back. From the moment he woke up, about 4 days after birth, Caches has been an extremely needy, fussy baby. Want to take a drink of water? Nope. Eat breakfast? Nope. Go for a walk? Nope. Car ride? Absolutely not. Want to pee? Not that you'd have to because he won't let you drink water...but NO. Basically he refused to be put down in ANYTHING and no, he doesn't like a car ride and yes, I have read The Happiest Baby on the Block and mine is still the GRUMPIEST!
Those first 6 weeks were filled with hours of screaming and crying but also a decent amount of sleep. He would sleep in his bassinet from about 10pm until about 1:30am and then back down after nursing until about 4 when I would take him into bed with me until he woke around 7. Of course I stayed up many a hour watching to make sure he was breathing, but I still got a decent amount of rest. He also would nap in his swing for at least 30 minutes when he was really little giving me time to eat, wash dishes or stare at the wall.
Then, at 6 weeks, 4 days he took a stand. The screaming and crying all day got worse and he outright refused to sleep in his bassinet, his swing or anything that was not upright on my chest. What the hell is going on with my child? I literally could not get anything done...I mean ANYTHING. I think a lot of people assume I am exaggerating but I absolutely am not. He fussed, cried or SCREAMED ALL DAY. Even if he was being held he was not happy. Shit, even if he was nursing he wasn't happy. I had a miserable baby!!
Every day was a blur. A mixed up whirlwind of emotional breakdowns and tears, smiles and glimmers of hope; I was on a completely fucked up merry go round. Up and down, up and down. I tried to get out of the house at least once every day for a quick trip to the market or at least a walk, but even that was emotionally exhausting. Screaming in the car, potential for screaming in the store and of course, if he was quiet, there was the lying.
I became a total pathological liar. People would see me with the baby and want to oo and ahh over him, it's just what people do. They would gush about how lucky I am and isn't it just so wonderful to be a mother and aren't I so happy and of course, remember to enjoy every moment. I found myself slapping on a fake smile and going along with their story all the while crying inside because I wasn't.
I don't think I took a deep breath for 6 weeks straight...
Maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mother after all. Was I failing at the job I had wanted my whole life? I sure felt like I was. There is nothing quite like listening to your helpless baby scream and not being able to fix it to crush your soul.
I just wanted to FIX IT!!
*Act 2 coming soon...maybe tomorrow?!?! Am I being optimistic...yes I am.
I know I promised that I'd write on Sunday, but somehow Sunday has turned into Wednesday and yet another task I promised myself I'd complete was left undone.
If you are a friend of mine, or even an online follower, you may be asking yourself where the hell did she go? Or maybe you don't care or maybe you didn't even notice that I dropped off the face of the real world for a few months, but just in case you do care...I'm alive, well kind of.
I REALLY wanted to chronicle my struggle with Caches as it was happening day by day, but days turned into weeks turned into months turned into October....what? It is OCTOBER??? We had a Summer? September happened this year?? TARGET STILL EXISTS??? HOLY SHIT!!!
I am going to go back to the beginning and in a few different parts catch you up to where we currently stand. So, now that we have established that I am kind of alive and will only kind of make sense, here we go.
Act 1:
The first 6 weeks of Caches life were rough, but I would give my left big toe to have those "rough" weeks back. From the moment he woke up, about 4 days after birth, Caches has been an extremely needy, fussy baby. Want to take a drink of water? Nope. Eat breakfast? Nope. Go for a walk? Nope. Car ride? Absolutely not. Want to pee? Not that you'd have to because he won't let you drink water...but NO. Basically he refused to be put down in ANYTHING and no, he doesn't like a car ride and yes, I have read The Happiest Baby on the Block and mine is still the GRUMPIEST!
Those first 6 weeks were filled with hours of screaming and crying but also a decent amount of sleep. He would sleep in his bassinet from about 10pm until about 1:30am and then back down after nursing until about 4 when I would take him into bed with me until he woke around 7. Of course I stayed up many a hour watching to make sure he was breathing, but I still got a decent amount of rest. He also would nap in his swing for at least 30 minutes when he was really little giving me time to eat, wash dishes or stare at the wall.
Then, at 6 weeks, 4 days he took a stand. The screaming and crying all day got worse and he outright refused to sleep in his bassinet, his swing or anything that was not upright on my chest. What the hell is going on with my child? I literally could not get anything done...I mean ANYTHING. I think a lot of people assume I am exaggerating but I absolutely am not. He fussed, cried or SCREAMED ALL DAY. Even if he was being held he was not happy. Shit, even if he was nursing he wasn't happy. I had a miserable baby!!
Every day was a blur. A mixed up whirlwind of emotional breakdowns and tears, smiles and glimmers of hope; I was on a completely fucked up merry go round. Up and down, up and down. I tried to get out of the house at least once every day for a quick trip to the market or at least a walk, but even that was emotionally exhausting. Screaming in the car, potential for screaming in the store and of course, if he was quiet, there was the lying.
I became a total pathological liar. People would see me with the baby and want to oo and ahh over him, it's just what people do. They would gush about how lucky I am and isn't it just so wonderful to be a mother and aren't I so happy and of course, remember to enjoy every moment. I found myself slapping on a fake smile and going along with their story all the while crying inside because I wasn't.
I don't think I took a deep breath for 6 weeks straight...
Maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mother after all. Was I failing at the job I had wanted my whole life? I sure felt like I was. There is nothing quite like listening to your helpless baby scream and not being able to fix it to crush your soul.
I just wanted to FIX IT!!
*Act 2 coming soon...maybe tomorrow?!?! Am I being optimistic...yes I am.
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