Does He Have A Mute Button?

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The reality that I am going to be a mom in a few weeks is setting in more and more.  Emotions range from oh my gosh this is so exciting, I can't wait,  to scared out of my mind I can just be pregnant forever, right?  Yes, it's not the best look, but I don't have to suck in my stomach and I'm saving money on tampons.

There is the whole downside of not being able to have a cocktail and the issue of...I don't even like kids!

OK, that's a lie, I do like kids but I like them how I like the rain.  If I am going to be home all day and can bake some cookies and enjoy the cozy weather I'm happy, but if I have a million errands to run and feisty dogs that need walks then "rain, rain, go away" plays on repeat.  Basically I'm saying that I am completely selfish in my love of children.

See a cute baby in a stroller sleeping while mom is on a leisurely stroll.  Love it, can't wait.  See a kid screaming at Target because you won't buy him a Superman action figure.  Hate it, can't you shut that kid up?  Yes, I'm guilty, I pull the, "my kid will never do that!" card but I am sure ALL of you have at some point. Probably before you had kids and you were the perfect parent.  You see, I am only going to be a perfect parent for approximately 7 more weeks then reality strikes so I need to get in my shit talking about other parents while I still can.

Here's the problem.  Once the kid is yours, signed, sealed, delivered, you can't pick and choose when you want them around.  Crazy concept I know, but it is true, and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks.   My space, time, agenda, brain, vodka, will never be mine again.  I am never going to be just me or even us (Ryan and I) we will forever be the 3 of us.

Want to come to dinner?  Sure but there is a baby and its nap is during dinner or it screams at dinner or I didn't get a shower for 3 days and you could braid my leg hair so no,  I can't be seen in public.

Of course these are all things that will eventually work themselves out and we will create a new "normal" but right now, at this moment, the enormity of change that will soon be taking place is blowing my mind.  Not in a bad way, but HOLY SHIT!

So for the next few weeks I am going to enjoy my time with baby safely, and quietly, inside and continue to judge parents who let their children honk bike horns in Target, scream at restaurants, and eat candy for dinner.  After all, I am still a perfect parent...for now.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 7, 2011 at 4:28 PM

    Wow!!!! I dont know why I am always amazed by your brilliant writting skills, but I am!!! I wish you wrote books or novels. I would own them and lm sure they would be my favorites. Your recent blog about having kids, or the outsider to not having kids hit home. It's what I think of with the same mentality. I'm scared shitless to have them, a bit selfish, but I'm afraid I won't be the perfect parent. What to do. But I'm sure your baby will be lucky to have two wonderful parents who loves him/her. I should wish you luck, but I don't think you need it. Xoxxo ruthie :-D

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