Crickets
I don't know if people lack a sense of humor or if they just don't understand mine, but I have had a few good one liners lately that were met with blank stares. Here are a few examples
1. The other night I wanted phish food ice cream and told Ryan that I was going to the store if he wanted anything. He asked that I pick up some beer. No problem.
At the checkout I presented my two items and stepped aside. The cashier looked me up and down, looked at my items and said, "interesting combo." "Yeah, the ice cream is for my husband," I responded. He just stared blankly at me for a moment and rang me up.
Part of me wanted to explain the joke but as you all know once you have to explain a joke it is lost anyway.
2. I took Lilly to the vet a few weeks ago for her annual exam and was met with a barrage of questions. What does she eat? How much time does she spend outside? Does she lick her feet? Do we give her treats? Is she on flea medication? Does she have a microchip? And so on and so forth.
I was doing a pretty good job of holding back the sarcasm until she asked me the last question; What does Lilly drink? "Vodka," I replied. The vet tech just looked at me, a confused gaze over her face. "Water, she drinks water, why would you ask that, what else would a dog drink?" "Well, some people give their cats milk." "OK, butt she is a dog." Nothing, just the same blank look. Wow
3. Quite a while ago I had to visit the drug store for condoms. That is honestly all I needed but like a 14 year old girl buying tampons I couldn't JUST buy condoms. I had to have at least one more item on the conveyer belt, so I perused the aisles for a while trying to come up with something to add to my purchase.
Finally I decided on a candy bar. Nothing like a Snickers to mask the purchase of condoms, right? I made my way to the register where the cashier was a sweet looking 17 year old boy who I could tell was made uncomfortable by my purchase.
"Is that all for you today, mam?"
I tried to resist but I couldn't. "Sometimes this is all you need." I said.
His face turned bright red and he immediately dropped eye contact with me. In fact he didn't make eye contact for the rest of the transaction. Sorry kid, but if you ever want to need a condom you are going to have to lighten up.
I guess not everyone likes a comedian, but sometimes I can't help myself.
1. The other night I wanted phish food ice cream and told Ryan that I was going to the store if he wanted anything. He asked that I pick up some beer. No problem.
At the checkout I presented my two items and stepped aside. The cashier looked me up and down, looked at my items and said, "interesting combo." "Yeah, the ice cream is for my husband," I responded. He just stared blankly at me for a moment and rang me up.
Part of me wanted to explain the joke but as you all know once you have to explain a joke it is lost anyway.
2. I took Lilly to the vet a few weeks ago for her annual exam and was met with a barrage of questions. What does she eat? How much time does she spend outside? Does she lick her feet? Do we give her treats? Is she on flea medication? Does she have a microchip? And so on and so forth.
I was doing a pretty good job of holding back the sarcasm until she asked me the last question; What does Lilly drink? "Vodka," I replied. The vet tech just looked at me, a confused gaze over her face. "Water, she drinks water, why would you ask that, what else would a dog drink?" "Well, some people give their cats milk." "OK, butt she is a dog." Nothing, just the same blank look. Wow
3. Quite a while ago I had to visit the drug store for condoms. That is honestly all I needed but like a 14 year old girl buying tampons I couldn't JUST buy condoms. I had to have at least one more item on the conveyer belt, so I perused the aisles for a while trying to come up with something to add to my purchase.
Finally I decided on a candy bar. Nothing like a Snickers to mask the purchase of condoms, right? I made my way to the register where the cashier was a sweet looking 17 year old boy who I could tell was made uncomfortable by my purchase.
"Is that all for you today, mam?"
I tried to resist but I couldn't. "Sometimes this is all you need." I said.
His face turned bright red and he immediately dropped eye contact with me. In fact he didn't make eye contact for the rest of the transaction. Sorry kid, but if you ever want to need a condom you are going to have to lighten up.
I guess not everyone likes a comedian, but sometimes I can't help myself.
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