Red, White and Poo

Every year, as far back as I can remember, I have spent my fourth of July celebrating in Spreckles.  We were planning on attending this year, but because we were just released from the hospital the day prior, we decided to pass. 

Most of the day was spent staring at Caches and pinching ourselves that we had a baby, a BABY! And he was ours! And they let us leave the hospital with him, no questions asked!  Are they crazy?

Anyway, by day two we were all getting a little stir crazy so we decided to embark on our first big family outing, a trip to Target, of course.  We put the baby in the car seat, me in the back seat and were on our way.  Half way there Ryan asked if I wanted to stop by the Apple store and see if they could take a look at my phone which had decided to stop working the previous day.  Why not, I thought, and we headed for the mall.

The genius' at apple were unfortunately no help at all and told me that I would need to get a new phone.  Great, I'd LOVE to spend 250 dollars an a new phone as I sit and wait for a hospital bill of epic proportions.  After Apple, I decided to drown my sorrows with a piece of See's candy.  What?  It was right there!  Anyway, while in the candy store I got the brilliant idea to buy a box of chocolates for the awesome nurses at the hospital since we were just down the street and could deliver it.

With candy purchased, some candy eaten and a still quiet baby, we headed for the hospital.  Candy delivery was successful and we continued on our mission to Target.  This is going so well, I thought to myself as I gazed at the clock.  Uh oh, it had almost been two hours since we left and as most of you know, babies eat every two hours.  I small panic set in as I took a second look at the clock, but I convinced myself that our Target trip would be a quick one and I could just feed Caches the moment we got home. 

Finally we are at the store, the baby is in the basket and my husband is warming up the Rascal.  Yes, the Rascal. Ryan INSISTED that I use the electric wheelchair to get around and because I was walking about as fast as a high schooler crosses the street, I agreed.  Then, just as I was sitting down in my electric chair, the creature started stirring.

Shit, my biggest fear!  I shot up as fast as I could, which was S L O W, and decided that we needed to go back to the car so I could feed the baby.  But as we were walking out he stopped crying and I decided that we should just forget about the Rascal and gather our few items as fast as we could and head for home. Before Ryan could disagree,  Caches starts crying again and I changed back to the idea of feeding him in the car.  At this point Ryan is deciding that he probably should have never agreed to an outing with a 3 day postpartum woman. 

Back in the hot ass car, I settle in to feed the baby. Ah...but just when I think I have the situation under control,  Caches poops and it suddenly occurs to me that we have brought NOTHING to change him.  Yep, parents of the year left the house with no diaper bag, not one baby item in tow.  So now I am sitting in the back seat of my car and my son is sitting in his shit and my husband is wishing he was sitting on a bar stool. 

Lucky for us this happened at Target which just so happens to sell diapers.  Ryan heads inside while I sit in the car apologizing to Cahces for what I'm sure is only the first of many parenting slip ups.  A few minutes later Ryan is back with diapers and a  Snickers bar, just the essentials people. 

With a few deep breaths, I managed to change the baby on my lap without getting poop on my leg...score 1.  Get him back in his seat without him screaming...score 2.  And regroup with Ryan to take on Target riding my Rascal... kind of a score 3, but I was riding a Rascal. 

All in all it was quite the adventure.  We have since visited Target once more and I am happy to report that it went MUCH smoother the second time around sans Rascal and WITH a diaper bag.  Ah, adventures in parenting...keep um coming!