Is Anybody Home?

Knock, knock!  Yes, I'm still here.  It has been a crazy couple of weeks and as always my poor blog is the first thing to be neglected.  Well, my blog and shaving my legs. I have a post about Christmas, New Years, turning into a zombie and Caches turning six months old in the works for this week.  Will any of them actually get posted?  That remains to be seen. 

Today was Caches' six month physical.  He is 27 inches long and 15 lbs 11 oz.  A minimum of three of those 15 pounds are piss and vinegar!  He is also STILL a hot screaming mess in the car which leads me to the heart of my story. 

After the doctors appointment Ryan and I decided to grab some Indian food for lunch.  I LOVE Indian food and probably ate enough for three people.  Of course Caches was trying to grab every single item on the table starting with the knife and settling for the full glass of water making in physically impossible for me to enjoy my meal.  Eating with a baby in your arms is kind of like trying to eat with your feet.  It just doesn't work.  Well, it kind of works but the table and your lap both end up covered in drips of food as you attempt to get the food on the fork and the fork in your mouth.  The baby is also probably going to end up with food in their hair and if you are like me, you will simply eat it right of their head instead of trying to wrestle them and wipe it off.

Anyway, as we were eating I could tell that Caches was getting sleepy and rather than just relaxing and dozing off like a normal child he chooses to get all ten kind of crazy and squirm and fight it.  Fun, right?  Finally, after bouncing him around in the ergo and looking like a total loon in the restaurant, he fell asleep.  For ten minutes.  Oh goodie, now he was really going to be grumpy. 

We walked to the car and already I could feel by body tensing up.  I'd have to put him in the car seat, SLEEPY.  Nothing is more unpleasant that being trapped in a car with a screaming child who is tired but refuses to sleep, NOTHING.  Well, there are things, but it SUCKS.  Flash forward 30 minutes of screaming car ride later and the kid is exhausted. 

Immediately I walk him to the bedroom, swaddle him up and attempt to get him to sleep.  Success, but I can tell that a ninja transfer to the crib is out of the question for this nap so I sit.  Let me just say THANK GOD for the iPhone.  I think anyone who has a crazy baby that needs to be held for naps would agree that it is a life saver.  I decided to play bookworm and hopefully Cache would play keep your freakin' eyes SHUT. 

But about ten minutes in I sense a problem, I have to poop.  I ignore it hoping the urge will go away, but it doesn't, it only gets worse and worse as I curse the amount of food I consumed for lunch.  A normal person would have put the baby down and gone to the bathroom but me, no way.  This kid was taking a fucking NAP! 

I sat for another 20 minutes or so getting increasingly more and more uncomfortable until it crossed my mind that perhaps this was not good for my body.  Could a person do harm holding in their poop?  I don't know, but Google does.  Yep, I closed bookworm and actually Googled side effects of holding your poop.  Turns out it isn't a very good idea but no worries this time, the kid woke up.  I foolishly thought I would be able to put him in his crib and go to the bathroom ALONE but NOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Mr. Screaming Mess had to come along.

Six months ago I would have NEVER been able to poop with another person in the bathroom.  I guess that is just one more gift of motherhood, hairy legs, uni-brow, dark circles and no privacy.  And I couldn't be happier.  OK that's a lie too, I'd be happier to poop alone.  

Comments

  1. This is great! I love poop (a reoccurring theme here) and all of my son's cute little baby cloths from before he started eating are stained up from me dropping food on them. Indian food is delicious off a plate and off a baby's head :)

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