Night weaning: Part two

I can't do it...

Not fully anyway.  I've been thinking a lot about the phases and stages of  life, my baby's life in particular.  Each new phase they pass through feels like it will last forever, only it doesn't.  There is no definite end or beginning it just is and then it is no longer.  And when a phase is over you can't recall when it started, how long it lasted, or even when it stopped.  Because life is simply a series of stages and phases.  I know I've had my fair share, right mom?  Yes, I went through a will not wear pants no matter what must wear a ruffled dress with matching bow AT ALL TIMES stage and guess what...I'm over it

For Caches there is the sweet, limp infant stage
The sleep a lot during the day phase
The must be swaddled phase
The nurse every hour stage
The very short take an hour long nap stage
The still present take a half hour nap phase
The arms flailing, startle stage
The unsteady figuring out the body stage
The holy shit I have hands let me chew on them all day stage
The everything including dog hair must go in my mouth phase
The trying to sit, trying to stand, trying to walk, trying to crawl stage
The cry all day and night phase
The never, ever put me down phase
The poop every time you change my diaper phase.
The scream at bath time stage
The scream just because I can all day stage
The be bounced on the ball until moms ankles swell stage
The 2-4am party time every night stage
The put my fingers in your mouth all day stage
The 5am party every morning stage
The I'm only eating blueberries stage
The I will eat anything stage
The I will eat nothing stage
The I need to cook an egg for every meal and not eat it phase
The I need to nurse at the most inconvenient, public times phase
The I love pacifiers stage
The I hate pacifiers stage
The cover me with a blanket phase
The I hate blankets they are suffocating me stage
The I will freak out if you are so much as an inch out of my reach stage
The later mama, I'm walking over here without you phase
I'm back...Hold me...all day and night...

The pushing you away, the pulling you close, the ups and downs, the highs and lows.  The moments you will remember for a lifetime and the moments you wish you could forget.  They are all just moments in time, twists and turns on the road of life.  When Caches was an infant and he cried day and night I felt like it would NEVER EVER end.  Like I was literally going to drop dead or snap and be institutionalized, but you know what, I didn't, and it ended. 

And now I couldn't tell you the day or even the month that it stopped, but it stopped.  Just like his nursing at night will some day stop.  Sure I could force it, but it just doesn't feel right.  I can't imagine being the one who decides when the last time he is allowed to nurse at night will be, I just can't.  Maybe in a few months or even weeks I will feel differently, but at this moment in time it doesn't feel right to force a change. 

What I am willing to force a change in and what I WILL be changing is the sleeping position of my nearly 21 pound toddler.  He is NO longer allowed to use me as a human hot rock in our terrarium bed.  I honestly think the sleeping on TOP of me is more of the problem anyway.  I don't mind nursing at night, honestly, but not being able to move into a comfortable position and having to stop all liquids after 8pm like a freakin' 7 year old because I can't get up to pee at night is not going to fly anymore.  Mama has SOME standards of living, kid. 

So that is where I am right now, and that process, I will keep you updated on.  It's sure to be interesting.  Entertaining?  Horrible?