Dumpster Diver

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Last weekend we had hot dogs for lunch, which means we HAD to buy chips.  Because Ryan can't eat a hot dog without a chips, or a sandwich.  He also can't eat pasta without bread,  salad without bread or cake with any kind of frosting, and about 500 other food related stipulations, but I digress.  Well, the day following hot dogs, he left to go out of town for a few days.  Assuming the chips would go stale because I don't like chips, I threw the reaminder of the bag away.

Today Ryan opens the cabinet. 

"Where are the fritos?" 

"I threw them away." 

"Why?  I would have eaten them." 

"I assumed they were stale." 

"UHH...you are always throwing my food away when you assume I'm done or it is stale (and I totally do! haha).  What if I start throwing away your food, like cookies, when I assume they are stale?" 

"That my friend, will not happen.  Cookies don't last long enough in my presence to go stale." 

"True, but uhhhh.  I really wanted a few salty fritos."

With that he checks the trash can.  Gross.  Sorry dude, they are already in the bin outside.

A few hours later, after Caches' nap, we are both in the closet getting ready to go.  I kiss him and...

"Did you smell my breath?"

"Um, no.  What am I smelling for?"

"Fritos.  I ate some out of the trash while you were putting the baby down for his nap."

"WHAT THE FUCK!?  WHY?"

"Well, I was really craving the salt of a frito so I went outside and got them from the trash.  Don't judge me!"

I don't even know what to say at this point.  It wasn't even the inside trash, it was the outside bin!  WE THROW DOG POOP AWAY IN THE SAME TRASH CAN!

"I'm not going to lie, I've eaten a cookie out of the trash can before so I'm not judging, but it was NOT anywhere near DOG SHIT!"

"It's okay, they were safe inside the bag.  And the ants were only on the pizza box on top."

"Okay, there is SO much wrong with that statement."

"What???"

My husband, the dumpster diver, don't judge




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