Things they should teach you in Drivers Ed but don't...Oh wait, YES THEY DO it's just 99.9% of the class isn't listening, can't understand the concept or forgets two days after their 16th birthday.

Hello, my name is Anne and I have road rage.

No, not the kind where I follow people home and murder their gold fish.  Not even the kind where I flip people off, I'm not that rude.  I have the kind of road rage that causes me to YELL, a lot.   Below are the top reasons I yell and why I am justified in doing so.  What, you didn't think I would go through the trouble of  writing all of this just to be wrong did you?

Merging.  This is a big one, HUGE.  Not knowing how to merge not only causes a lot of traffic, but it also contributes to the busted ear drums of my passengers.

Merging is really very simple if you break it down.  Imagine the road like a zipper and the cars as the prongs.  They all fit together harmoniously because they TAKE TURNS.  One, One.  One, One. All the way up until the zipper is beautifully closed.  

Enter the asshole that doesn't take turns and probably never has.  He is what happens when you accidentally zip your shirt up in your jacket and end up late because you have to spend twenty minutes bargaining with the zipper to please give you back your shirt!

Also, if there are two lanes merging to one, please DO NOT speed up to the front of the line and shove your car in front of someone who has been patiently waiting.  You are a horrible person lane merging cutter.  Like the kid that always cut in line in school, the jerk that took two donuts at the meeting leaving you with none.  The one that is SO IMPORTANT  that they fuck up the zipper for everyone else!  I DON'T LIKE YOU!

One more note on merging before we move on.  You should be at near freeway speed when you enter the freeway.  Please refrain from merging onto a four lane 65mph freeway at 35mph, it makes my eyes bulge in my head.  Also if you are in the slow lane and you see someone merging and you have room to safely move out of their way, MOVE! 

Speed.  Please go the speed limit or slightly faster if you are in the fast lane.  Additionally DO NOT speed up right when I pass you and then pace me in my blind spot or pass me and then go slower once in front of me.  Please, I'm BEGGING YOU, stop doing this.  

I have no problem if you want to drive slower than the speed limit for whatever reason you may have.  Old, scared, new baby in the car, I could give a shit, but stay out of the fast lane and if we are driving on a two lane road with next to no passing zones, could you keep it to like 5 miles under rather than 25.  Thanks, I really appreciate it. 

I also have no problem if you want to speed, I speed too and I'd love you to pass me at an alarming speed and get a ticket rather than me but there are a few requests for you as well, speeders.  Please, if I am in the fast lane and all the other lanes are full and going slow, know that I am only waiting for there to be an opening and then I will gladly move over.  Riding my ass and sighing so loud that I can almost hear you will not make me move.  I will move when I am damn good and ready to avoid having to weave in and out of cars.  Thanks.

Also, speeders, what's with the speeding up really fast on streets laden with stoplights.  What is the point of speeding up really quickly just to have to slow down again and again?  I just don't get it but you look really cool doing it and it totally doesn't waste gas so keep on keeping on.

Hum, what else?  I could go on for hours if I tried but I think that is sufficient in covering the biggest offenders.  So, in review, take turns and be courteous.  You really aren't going to get anywhere faster if you cut or don't let someone else in or tale-gate when there is traffic of weave in and out of cars in traffic or...  This isn't the playground in second grade, grow up.  If nothing else think of my passengers poor ears.

Comments

  1. Great post with Great stuff.That sounds pretty cool. Keep posting interesting here. Looking forward to it. Thanks and keep it up! All the Best

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