A letter
Dear mothers of small children,
I want to tell you something. Something important that not many other people would tell you. Something that I myself wish another young mother told me. It is something that a lot of us moms lie about every. single. day. Listen up...
Having small children is hard, sometimes really, really hard. Especially if it is your first child and you don't know what you are doing. There is a learning curve. It is an emotional roller coaster. You will cry. You will want to run away. You might even follow through. You will be tired. You will be frustrated. There will be days when you won't even recognize yourself in the mirror. That is if you even get a moment to check.
You will struggle. You will fail. You will yell. You will crack. You will say things you wish you hadn't said. Not because you are a bad mother, and not because you are doing it wrong. Not even because there is something wrong with you, your child, your husband or your certifiably insane French Bulldog. You will struggle because it is hard. It is REALLY FUCKING HARD!
You will try to tell yourself that simply being a mother should leave you feeling fulfilled and joyous. That your heart should be overflowing each and every day from the love of your child. You will feel guilty because it's not. You will feel guilty because you will feel bored, resentful and exhausted. You will feel guilty because you aren't enjoying every single moment like the lady at the grocery store told you to. You will feel lonely while also desperately yearning for time alone. You will feel guilty. Oh yes, mother of a small child, I promise you will feel guilt.
Some days you will find humor in the numerous spills, stepping on tiny toys, the endless needs, the laundry, and the array of bodily fluids that you encounter. Other days you will in fact cry over spilt milk. And because you stepped on a marble. And because you got poop on your hand. Some days you and your small child/children will work together beautifully. There will be no tears and plenty of tender moments. You will feel like a world famous surfer riding the waves. Other days you and your child/children will butt heads over everything from what's for breakfast to how hot or not hot their soup should be. You will feel as if you are drowning, gasping for air in between the waves pounding your head under water. These days will, quite frankly, SUCK.
And just so you know, I'm not telling you all of this because being a mother actually sucks, it doesn't! It is amazing and beautiful and humbling and warm. I'm telling you this because sometimes it does suck and that is okay too!
So much time is spent reminding mothers to enjoy their small children; It goes by so fast, don't blink! Oh my gosh, how could you have missed that? There are plenty of people out there willing to lie to you and tell you that it is easy. There are also plenty of mothers who make it look easy. Anything can look easy when you are only seeing a snapshot in time. There are the always going to be people who are quick to remind you how lucky you are, how blessed you, how beautiful your children are and how to go about doing thingsthe right way their way, but few and far between are people, mothers, who are willing to be vulnerable and honest about life with small children.
Perhaps they don't want to feel like they are discouraging other mothers, but more likely they themselves don't want to admit to ever having struggled. Maybe they have older children and have forgotten how difficult it was when they were small. It could be that they are embarrassed by things they have said or done. Or it could simply be that they don't know what to say.
So I'm asking you, mothers of small children, to speak up. Be honest with your friends, you don't have to be so brave. Let them know that you have struggled too. Let them know that they aren't alone. I can't tell you how good it feels just to know you aren't alone! Be a safe place for your fellow mothers to open up. Hug them. Offer support on days when you are surfing and empathy on days you feel like you are drowning. Sometimes it can feel as if you are the only mother in the world who has ever had such a bad day. Like you are the only one who can't get it right. This simply is not true. Mothers, we all struggle.
Guilt, tears, frustration, anger, exhaustion, joy, love, laughter and warmth. All of these things are happening because you are becoming a different person. A person who is rarely left alone. A person who is simultaneously overwhelmed with feelings of love and annoyance. A person who's heart is now living and breathing outside of the protection of her own body. A person who so badly wants control but is learning to let go. A person who is learning to give more of herself away than she ever even knew she had. A person who is still learning. A person, a woman, who is becoming a mother.
And I'm willing to bet you are a damn good one too.
I want to tell you something. Something important that not many other people would tell you. Something that I myself wish another young mother told me. It is something that a lot of us moms lie about every. single. day. Listen up...
Having small children is hard, sometimes really, really hard. Especially if it is your first child and you don't know what you are doing. There is a learning curve. It is an emotional roller coaster. You will cry. You will want to run away. You might even follow through. You will be tired. You will be frustrated. There will be days when you won't even recognize yourself in the mirror. That is if you even get a moment to check.
You will struggle. You will fail. You will yell. You will crack. You will say things you wish you hadn't said. Not because you are a bad mother, and not because you are doing it wrong. Not even because there is something wrong with you, your child, your husband or your certifiably insane French Bulldog. You will struggle because it is hard. It is REALLY FUCKING HARD!
You will try to tell yourself that simply being a mother should leave you feeling fulfilled and joyous. That your heart should be overflowing each and every day from the love of your child. You will feel guilty because it's not. You will feel guilty because you will feel bored, resentful and exhausted. You will feel guilty because you aren't enjoying every single moment like the lady at the grocery store told you to. You will feel lonely while also desperately yearning for time alone. You will feel guilty. Oh yes, mother of a small child, I promise you will feel guilt.
Some days you will find humor in the numerous spills, stepping on tiny toys, the endless needs, the laundry, and the array of bodily fluids that you encounter. Other days you will in fact cry over spilt milk. And because you stepped on a marble. And because you got poop on your hand. Some days you and your small child/children will work together beautifully. There will be no tears and plenty of tender moments. You will feel like a world famous surfer riding the waves. Other days you and your child/children will butt heads over everything from what's for breakfast to how hot or not hot their soup should be. You will feel as if you are drowning, gasping for air in between the waves pounding your head under water. These days will, quite frankly, SUCK.
And just so you know, I'm not telling you all of this because being a mother actually sucks, it doesn't! It is amazing and beautiful and humbling and warm. I'm telling you this because sometimes it does suck and that is okay too!
So much time is spent reminding mothers to enjoy their small children; It goes by so fast, don't blink! Oh my gosh, how could you have missed that? There are plenty of people out there willing to lie to you and tell you that it is easy. There are also plenty of mothers who make it look easy. Anything can look easy when you are only seeing a snapshot in time. There are the always going to be people who are quick to remind you how lucky you are, how blessed you, how beautiful your children are and how to go about doing things
Perhaps they don't want to feel like they are discouraging other mothers, but more likely they themselves don't want to admit to ever having struggled. Maybe they have older children and have forgotten how difficult it was when they were small. It could be that they are embarrassed by things they have said or done. Or it could simply be that they don't know what to say.
So I'm asking you, mothers of small children, to speak up. Be honest with your friends, you don't have to be so brave. Let them know that you have struggled too. Let them know that they aren't alone. I can't tell you how good it feels just to know you aren't alone! Be a safe place for your fellow mothers to open up. Hug them. Offer support on days when you are surfing and empathy on days you feel like you are drowning. Sometimes it can feel as if you are the only mother in the world who has ever had such a bad day. Like you are the only one who can't get it right. This simply is not true. Mothers, we all struggle.
Guilt, tears, frustration, anger, exhaustion, joy, love, laughter and warmth. All of these things are happening because you are becoming a different person. A person who is rarely left alone. A person who is simultaneously overwhelmed with feelings of love and annoyance. A person who's heart is now living and breathing outside of the protection of her own body. A person who so badly wants control but is learning to let go. A person who is learning to give more of herself away than she ever even knew she had. A person who is still learning. A person, a woman, who is becoming a mother.
And I'm willing to bet you are a damn good one too.
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