Just a typical morning
The birds are chirping, the coffee is brewing and the sun is shining, it's a beautiful morning. I put the dogs outside to poop do outside stuff while I prep the 14 some odd items that Caches may or may not eat one bite of for breakfast. I sneak a bite of oatmeal into Caches' accidentally open mouth as I will the coffee pot to brew faster. He rolls it around his mouth for a bit and I'm pretty sure he was actually going to swallow it...until Abner scratched at the back door. Oatmeal, meet floor. "Ouuu?" "Yes son, the dogs are outside." "Ouuuu?" As he walks to the back door. "Yes son, let's let the dogs in." "Ouuuuuuu?" "Let me guess. You want to go outside?" The scrunched nose smile and fist banging on the door was a subtle hint.
So we head outside, only one of us enthusiastically. Why do kids like to go outside at six am? I follow Caches to the swing and just as I begin to push the kitty emerges from the bushes nearby. "Kiiii?" "Yes son, there is the kitty." A few pushes later Abner spots the cat and initiates a hey, chase me kitty, game. How fun. But then the cat bites the bulldog who runs through the grass, stepping in his morning pile of poo. Lovely. And then of course heads for the back door which is still open. I leave the baby in the swing, I know, I know, I'm negligent, and run over to shut the door on potential shit paw painting my floors.
Caches is done swinging and I'm contemplating a plan of paw washing without help from tiny, Oooo, poop is fun, hands. I put the kid inside, grab some shampoo and tell him to hold tight while I grab the unsuspecting bulldog. Into the sink he goes. I figure why not give him a whole bath while I'm at it. Abner is actually really good about getting a bath and Caches is somewhat content to watch so my plan is working. So far.
After his bath and towel dry, Abner, like any good dog, likes to run around the house completely losing his mind doing burn outs and barking. FUN! I throw the dog towel in the washer and turn around to see Caches walking toward me, wide eyed and grinning, squishing something in his hands. "What do you have, son?" Squish, squish. What the? Is that what I think it is? Yep, dog vomit, perfect.
Ever seen what a pile of dog vomit looks like when it is spewed from a bulldog running full speed?
Cleaning up the vomit without the kid playing in it was nothing short of a gold medal worthy performance. I swear if I would have let him he would have wriggled around in it! Is the coffee done yet?
And this Caches, is why we don't go outside at 6:00am
So we head outside, only one of us enthusiastically. Why do kids like to go outside at six am? I follow Caches to the swing and just as I begin to push the kitty emerges from the bushes nearby. "Kiiii?" "Yes son, there is the kitty." A few pushes later Abner spots the cat and initiates a hey, chase me kitty, game. How fun. But then the cat bites the bulldog who runs through the grass, stepping in his morning pile of poo. Lovely. And then of course heads for the back door which is still open. I leave the baby in the swing, I know, I know, I'm negligent, and run over to shut the door on potential shit paw painting my floors.
Caches is done swinging and I'm contemplating a plan of paw washing without help from tiny, Oooo, poop is fun, hands. I put the kid inside, grab some shampoo and tell him to hold tight while I grab the unsuspecting bulldog. Into the sink he goes. I figure why not give him a whole bath while I'm at it. Abner is actually really good about getting a bath and Caches is somewhat content to watch so my plan is working. So far.
After his bath and towel dry, Abner, like any good dog, likes to run around the house completely losing his mind doing burn outs and barking. FUN! I throw the dog towel in the washer and turn around to see Caches walking toward me, wide eyed and grinning, squishing something in his hands. "What do you have, son?" Squish, squish. What the? Is that what I think it is? Yep, dog vomit, perfect.
Ever seen what a pile of dog vomit looks like when it is spewed from a bulldog running full speed?
Now you can say that you have.
And this Caches, is why we don't go outside at 6:00am
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