Full disclosure

I don't particularly like mommy labels, "crunchy," "hippy dippy," "green," "attachment parenting," "crazy!"  Okay, maybe one of those is an obvious fit, but what about all the other ones?  Is there a score card that I need to fill out to see if I qualify as a true "attachment parent?"  What if I don't meet ALL the criteria?  Does that mean all my efforts will be in vain?  What do you mean I don't get extra "points" for rinsing poop out of diapers every day?  And what the heck does it mean to be "crunchy," anyway?

I'm going to be honest here, because I have a feeling that there are a lot of peaceful parenting, co-sleeping, baby wearing, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, vinegar to clean everything, homemade granola bar making moms out there that are not.  I know, I said I don't like labels, but if I don't label myself for the sake of this post then how will I tell you how much I suck at all of it?

So, in case you were wondering...

I get touched out!  There are entire days when I don't want ANYONE touching me let alone breastfeeding off of one boob and trying to grope the other all with a foot in my throat

Sometimes I wish Cache would take a bottle, a pacifier, his dad, whiskey, anything but a boob

I fantasize about night weaning

I've offered a graham cracker instead of nursing on more than one occasion

Sometimes I want to sleep ALONE

ALL ALONE

I think a stroller is a fantastic invention and I'd like to use mine MORE!  Cache disagrees

I get tired of holding and/or picking up and putting down Cache all. the. time

I yell

I lose my temper

Sometimes it seems WAY easier to be UN-peaceful

I slam doors

I say things in frustration that I later regret

Sometimes I don't feel like stuffing diapers so I use disposables*

Sometimes I don't feel like washing diapers so I use disposables*

Sometimes I don't feel like changing another damn diaper, PERIOD

I buy granola bars

I buy Snickers bars

I eat ice cream for dinner... and I let Cache taste

I'd use the most toxic cleaner on the market if it promised to keep smears off of my stainless steel appliances.  Unfortunately this product DOES NOT exist

I have been known to lick, yes lick drips of yogurt etc. off of the counter rather than get a rag and wipe them up

I can't let go of my MAC concealer or red lipstick.  Crushed up red beetles and all

I have ignored my child more than once because I was perusing facebook, pinterist or instagram on my phone
 
And I'm sure there are a lot more ways in which I fail to be "attached," "crunchy," and "green," on a regular basis.  But that's okay because I never set out to be anything.  In fact I didn't even know what these things were until after Caches was born, seriously.  Well, I knew what it meant to be green, of course.  Just ask Ryan about the death stare I flash when he uses a paper towel for anything other than poop or vomit.

Here's the thing.  We all want to do the best for our kids, our bodies, our homes and our planet.  Well, most of us do anyway.  The problem is that the action is SO much harder than the idea!  I have fantastic ideas and intentions all day every day, but the action, ehh.  We are at about 75% on most days.

Cloth diapers are brilliant, really.  But the first time rinsing a HUGE poop out of one and not realizing that the diaper sprayer was on full blast spraying poop all over the bathroom and my face was a splash with reality!  No pun intended, gross.  Peaceful parenting with patience and loving guidance at all times.  Sounds lovely, but in reality it is very difficult to be peaceful at the end of a LONG day when baby is melting down, the dogs are going wild and you just dropped an entire watermelon on the freshly mopped floor.

So at every days end I try to take a moment and assess what I could have done better.  Some days it is A LOT and others I feel like I did pretty good.  All I can do is TRY to be the best me I can be and remember to B R E A T H E.  Oh, and hope that Caches doesn't remember the first say, ten years of his life!

*They are chlorine free, biodegradable disposables.  Can I still be in the club??