Ah, Elusive Sleep

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The most common bit of unsolicited advice that I received while pregnant was to sleep when the baby sleeps.  OK, fine.  I'm not that great of a sleeper but I know I'll be tired so it sounds good in theory.  I'll go ahead and jot that down in my notes right next to the bit about taking extra special care of myself and stockpiling Tucks pads.

Only there's a problem with the whole idea of sleep when the baby sleeps...You can't watch and make sure the baby is breathing if you are sleeping!! And let me tell you how many times it is drilled into your head when you are pregnant that when you have a newborn "back is best" SIDS this and SIDS that, and special monitors that tell you if you baby has stopped breathing, and articles that show up in my inbox about how to prevent my baby from suddenly dying in his sleep!  And you want me to sleep when he is asleep???

No problem, my newborn baby could suddenly and inexplicably die in his sleep but I'll just go ahead and relax, catch up on some zzz's.  Are you absolutely flippin' kidding me?  I still put my finger under my dogs nose to make sure he is breathing and he is going on 3 years of age!

I swear to god I'll be in this kids room when he is five, a small mirror hovering under his nose, just waiting for his breath to fog it up. And when he wakes up and looks at me like the crazy woman I am I'll just make out like I was on my way to the bathroom and got lost.


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