Whole Body Wellness Journey Part 2
And so I made bone broth and bone marrow. I added pastured meats to my recipes. I poured collagen into my coffee and pretty much forced my toddler to take fermented cod liver oil. I made gummies out of beef gelatin and cut way back on our grains and fruit. I added grass fed butter and egg yolks to everything. And somehow through all of this I was able to disassociate enough to see meat as food for the first time in 18 years. Somehow I was able to block out everything I knew to be true and right for myself. Somehow...and that somehow was fear. Fear is SO powerful! I thought this was for the health of me and my family.
Okay, so now Arlowe is born and I am overwhelmed with a toddler and an infant. I am not sleeping well or eating well or taking care of my body in any loving way. Again due to some gastro issues with Arlowe I gave up all gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, corn and nuts but I continued to eat meat. Arlowe's first food was egg yolk mixed with liver in contrast to Caches' zucchini, banana and avocado.
She is now about a year old now and I just continue to get sicker.
Finally my stubborn self goes to the doctor. Honestly I am scared that there is something really wrong. So scared I almost don't want to find out. I see an internal medicine doctor who does a ton of blood work and sends me for an abdominal ultrasound. Other than a few minor things everything is normal and he suggests I see an obstetrician and gastroenterologist. I check out normal at the OB and then see the GI. My first GI was AWFUL like should have her medical license revoked awful but she did order an endoscopy and that did reveal that I have celiac disease.
Finally an answer! And after doing a lot of research about celiac disease it was an answer that actually made sense! And all I had to do was give up gluten and I'd feel all better, right!? Wrong!
After giving up all gluten for months some of my symptoms disappeared but a lot didn't and to make matters worse, new ones were showing up. I saw another GI who was very kind and wanted to do a CT scan of my abdomen and GI tract due to my other symptoms. Thankfully this came back normal but I was still left with no answers. Little side note. I mentioned to the GI doctor that I thought I might need to modify my diet more and he told me, "I don't know anything about nutrition but we have a great nutritionist in the office that you can see." What the actual fuck! You are a doctor of the digestive system! The role of the digestive system is to take in FOOD and utilize it for literally every other function of the body and you don't know anything about nutrition!?!?!?!!? This is complete bullshit people!!! This is the kind of thing that gets me fired up about the system.
That comment sent me into yet another research furry and I haven't stopped since. I won't get into to many details but there are A LOT of foods that can interfere with not only celiac disease but nearly every other disease as well. Now I thought, it was time to see which foods bothered me.
The most severe and strange symptom I was experiencing was numbness and tingling in my hands and arms. It got to the point that I couldn't even function normally so I went to see an orthopedic doctor who was kind of befuddled at my symptoms, x-rays and physical exam so he ordered a nerve study. I was told that I had severe bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome and some ulnar tunnel syndrome and that my only option was surgery. But why do I have severe bilateral carpal tunnel? The doctor had nothing but a bullshit answer and basically said surgery would help and that's all he could do for a case this severe. He told me I would soon lose function and cause permanent damage to my hands if I didn't have surgery. Fear. But also intuition nudging me that this wasn't right. I decided to do steroid injections directly into my carpal tunnel space and hold of on surgery for a while.
The injections didn't help and I got sacred so I scheduled surgery for my left arm first then months later for my right.
How was I going to be a mom with no hands!? Two surgeries!? Physical therapy!? I won't be able to hold my kids...how will I nurse the baby!? I was terrified but still had NO ANSWERS. And my body was getting worse. My legs and feet started to tingle and get numb. I was super forgetful. I would see spots and have moments of limited or tunnel vision. My hair was thinning. My whole body ached and my joints felt tight and inflamed. I had zero energy and felt like I lived in a fog. I went back to Caches pediatrician only this time I was the patient. He told me that it was very likely that my celiac disease was attacking my nervous system. Say wa!? I didn't even know that was possible but it definitely is. He suggested I try a diet called GAPS and see a neurologist. He also did some intense blood work and saliva hormone testing.
Meanwhile my intuition is nudging me even louder now than before and it was telling me surgery wasn't a good idea. And even thought I felt disconnected at this time, I actually listened to it. So about two weeks before my surgery was scheduled I called and cancelled it and demanded they refer me to a neurologist. The neurologist I saw was amazing and kind and outraged that the orthopedic doctor didn't suggest I see him sooner based on my symptoms. He told me these are not symptoms of carpal tunnel alone these are symptoms of possible Multiple Sclerosis, a nervous system disorder or Lupus. This is scary
He did another nerve study on my arms, hands, legs and feet and he also ordered an MRI of my brain and spine and referred me to a rhumatologist.
Fortunately my MRI did not show signs of MS but symptomatically he was concerned that I could develop it later on. Ummm okay. Off to the rhumatologist where I gave like 37 gallons of blood and listened to him basically tell me that my symptoms didn't line up with any one disease aka he didn't really know what to do. I had x-rays done of my shoulders, hips, ankles and back. When I went for my follow up he told me I had arthritis starting in my joints and my blood work showed some signs of Lupus but not enough for a diagnosis and Lyme disease but he didn't actually think I had that. Wow so helpful.
By this point I was DONE. So done. Done with all the doctors, done with all the tests, done with all the half assed made up diagnosis that are supposed to make me feel better. Oh you have adrenal fatigue or fibromyalgia or osteoarthritis. One doctor even had the nerve to tell me that I was just a busy mom and needed some better coping skills. How about WE DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! I'M SORRY YOU ARE SUFFERING BUT WE JUST DON'T KNOW!
This was a pretty low point for me. I mean I didn't want something to be wrong with me, but I wanted to know what was going on and what I could do to stop it. I knew there was a root cause. There is always a root cause! People don't just develop symptoms for no reason! I felt powerless and started to wonder if I had brought on this whole mess by not taking care of myself. Was this some kind of payback for hating my body and mistreating it all those years? Was it actually all in my head? Was I to the point of making up symptoms in hopes of getting answers? Was I crazy? The answer is NO! with a tiny bit of yes mixed in.
I had a huge sobbing breakdown with Ryan who once again was amazing and so kind and supportive. He believed me, he ALWAYS believed me. He knew I wasn't making this up. He knew I was suffering. He insisted that this was not some kind of punishment. I did not bring this upon myself. My body disd't hate me. Buuuuut I should probably care for my body a little bit better so it has a chance to recover.
So now what!?
Okay, so now Arlowe is born and I am overwhelmed with a toddler and an infant. I am not sleeping well or eating well or taking care of my body in any loving way. Again due to some gastro issues with Arlowe I gave up all gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, corn and nuts but I continued to eat meat. Arlowe's first food was egg yolk mixed with liver in contrast to Caches' zucchini, banana and avocado.
She is now about a year old now and I just continue to get sicker.
Finally my stubborn self goes to the doctor. Honestly I am scared that there is something really wrong. So scared I almost don't want to find out. I see an internal medicine doctor who does a ton of blood work and sends me for an abdominal ultrasound. Other than a few minor things everything is normal and he suggests I see an obstetrician and gastroenterologist. I check out normal at the OB and then see the GI. My first GI was AWFUL like should have her medical license revoked awful but she did order an endoscopy and that did reveal that I have celiac disease.
Finally an answer! And after doing a lot of research about celiac disease it was an answer that actually made sense! And all I had to do was give up gluten and I'd feel all better, right!? Wrong!
After giving up all gluten for months some of my symptoms disappeared but a lot didn't and to make matters worse, new ones were showing up. I saw another GI who was very kind and wanted to do a CT scan of my abdomen and GI tract due to my other symptoms. Thankfully this came back normal but I was still left with no answers. Little side note. I mentioned to the GI doctor that I thought I might need to modify my diet more and he told me, "I don't know anything about nutrition but we have a great nutritionist in the office that you can see." What the actual fuck! You are a doctor of the digestive system! The role of the digestive system is to take in FOOD and utilize it for literally every other function of the body and you don't know anything about nutrition!?!?!?!!? This is complete bullshit people!!! This is the kind of thing that gets me fired up about the system.
That comment sent me into yet another research furry and I haven't stopped since. I won't get into to many details but there are A LOT of foods that can interfere with not only celiac disease but nearly every other disease as well. Now I thought, it was time to see which foods bothered me.
The most severe and strange symptom I was experiencing was numbness and tingling in my hands and arms. It got to the point that I couldn't even function normally so I went to see an orthopedic doctor who was kind of befuddled at my symptoms, x-rays and physical exam so he ordered a nerve study. I was told that I had severe bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome and some ulnar tunnel syndrome and that my only option was surgery. But why do I have severe bilateral carpal tunnel? The doctor had nothing but a bullshit answer and basically said surgery would help and that's all he could do for a case this severe. He told me I would soon lose function and cause permanent damage to my hands if I didn't have surgery. Fear. But also intuition nudging me that this wasn't right. I decided to do steroid injections directly into my carpal tunnel space and hold of on surgery for a while.
The injections didn't help and I got sacred so I scheduled surgery for my left arm first then months later for my right.
How was I going to be a mom with no hands!? Two surgeries!? Physical therapy!? I won't be able to hold my kids...how will I nurse the baby!? I was terrified but still had NO ANSWERS. And my body was getting worse. My legs and feet started to tingle and get numb. I was super forgetful. I would see spots and have moments of limited or tunnel vision. My hair was thinning. My whole body ached and my joints felt tight and inflamed. I had zero energy and felt like I lived in a fog. I went back to Caches pediatrician only this time I was the patient. He told me that it was very likely that my celiac disease was attacking my nervous system. Say wa!? I didn't even know that was possible but it definitely is. He suggested I try a diet called GAPS and see a neurologist. He also did some intense blood work and saliva hormone testing.
Meanwhile my intuition is nudging me even louder now than before and it was telling me surgery wasn't a good idea. And even thought I felt disconnected at this time, I actually listened to it. So about two weeks before my surgery was scheduled I called and cancelled it and demanded they refer me to a neurologist. The neurologist I saw was amazing and kind and outraged that the orthopedic doctor didn't suggest I see him sooner based on my symptoms. He told me these are not symptoms of carpal tunnel alone these are symptoms of possible Multiple Sclerosis, a nervous system disorder or Lupus. This is scary
He did another nerve study on my arms, hands, legs and feet and he also ordered an MRI of my brain and spine and referred me to a rhumatologist.
Fortunately my MRI did not show signs of MS but symptomatically he was concerned that I could develop it later on. Ummm okay. Off to the rhumatologist where I gave like 37 gallons of blood and listened to him basically tell me that my symptoms didn't line up with any one disease aka he didn't really know what to do. I had x-rays done of my shoulders, hips, ankles and back. When I went for my follow up he told me I had arthritis starting in my joints and my blood work showed some signs of Lupus but not enough for a diagnosis and Lyme disease but he didn't actually think I had that. Wow so helpful.
By this point I was DONE. So done. Done with all the doctors, done with all the tests, done with all the half assed made up diagnosis that are supposed to make me feel better. Oh you have adrenal fatigue or fibromyalgia or osteoarthritis. One doctor even had the nerve to tell me that I was just a busy mom and needed some better coping skills. How about WE DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! I'M SORRY YOU ARE SUFFERING BUT WE JUST DON'T KNOW!
This was a pretty low point for me. I mean I didn't want something to be wrong with me, but I wanted to know what was going on and what I could do to stop it. I knew there was a root cause. There is always a root cause! People don't just develop symptoms for no reason! I felt powerless and started to wonder if I had brought on this whole mess by not taking care of myself. Was this some kind of payback for hating my body and mistreating it all those years? Was it actually all in my head? Was I to the point of making up symptoms in hopes of getting answers? Was I crazy? The answer is NO! with a tiny bit of yes mixed in.
I had a huge sobbing breakdown with Ryan who once again was amazing and so kind and supportive. He believed me, he ALWAYS believed me. He knew I wasn't making this up. He knew I was suffering. He insisted that this was not some kind of punishment. I did not bring this upon myself. My body disd't hate me. Buuuuut I should probably care for my body a little bit better so it has a chance to recover.
So now what!?
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