Whole Body Wellness Journey Part 1
Okay, I have a lot to say today and I'm not really sure how to organize it all into one blog post so I will probably summarize and then go back and elaborate on specifics, particularly if anyone has specific questions.
Today I want to talk about health, specifically my own healthy journey and where I am currently on my path to whole body wellness. I want to share a lot but I don't want it to be confusing so maybe I will make this a two part post or maybe I'll just start writing and see what happens. Lets do that...
I am going to take you way back, like 20+years ago when I first became a vegetarian. I honestly don't remember the exact year but I think I was about 13. Growing up we didn't eat much meat but I do remember thinking that it was normal, everybody does it. I remember hearing in school that it was an essential part of a healthy diet and provided protein etc. Then one day, this is a vague memory so bare with me, I recall looking at my horse and thinking I wouldn't eat you, so why do I eat a chicken? Why do we love and protect some animals but torture and kill others? Perspective. It is all about perspective. Now I can't say that at 13 years old I did much deep thinking about it but I did decide to go vegetarian.
From what I remember my family was fine with it and it wasn't that big of a deal. My mom is an OG vegetarian/hippie/alternative lady so she was supportive and at 13 years old it's really your mom who needs to be supportive since she cooks the food! I went on being vegetarian all through high school and endured all the teasing and mocking that you'd expect. Friends parents thought it was funny to put meat on my plate and pretend they forgot. My brother and his friends thought it was funny to tell me how delicious red meat was and that I was missing out. Some well meaning adults felt the need to tell me how I was going to be deficient in all sorts of nutrients and so on and so on and so on...
I honestly did't care. I mean I didn't enjoy it but it wasn't going to change my mind. I knew it felt wrong to eat animals and while at the time I didn't have research (no internet or social media) or the gory details to back me up, I stood strong.
In college I did have the internet for research and I was horrified, absolutely beyond horrified at how animals were being treated. How did I not know this? How was this legal? Where is the barf bag!? Being away at college in a different city meant I also met a whole different group of people around me who felt the same way I did and with that support and the research I had done, around age 18 I went vegan for the first time. Now let me point out that almost 20 years ago there were not nearly as many vegan convenience foods as there are now but it was still very manageable. Also I'd like to say, HOW is it that I was 18 almost 20 years ago when I'm only like 25 now!?
Okay, lets take a moment to talk about the fact that as an 18 year old college kid I was not the healthiest of vegans. I ate a good amount of junk food, hey oreos are vegan. And drank a good amount of beer, also vegan. I also smoked cigarettes and drank diet pepsi. I chuckle to myself now, but at the time this was me. I wasn't a vegan for health reasons, I was vegan because I loved animals and didn't think they should be tortured, killed and cut into little pieces. I recently told a friend who has only known me for about 5 years that I used to wake up and have a diet pepsi and a cigarette for breakfast and I thought her eyes were actually going to pop out of her head she was so surprised. Good times...
I stayed vegan for a solid 3 years or so and then kind of went back and forth between vegetarian and vegan until I was 31. Honestly the only reason I would go from vegan to vegetarian was dairy. I'd be vegetarian and then start feeling guilty and go vegan again. But then I'd feel lazy or want ice cream and go back to vegetarian and so it went back and forth.
During this time, age 15-27 or so I was also struggling a lot with body image and eating disorders. I have always been an average size person but I was obsessed with losing weight and meeting some unattainable goal that I made up in my head. I had a horrible, hateful inner voice that taunted me day and night. I hated my body and honestly didn't really care what I was putting into it. Cue the diet pepsi and cigarettes.
I know this sounds kind of strange to some because a lot of people assume vegetarians and vegans are such for health reasons as well as animal welfare. Well I was kind of a fucked up mixture of restricting food groups because it tied into my distorted eating and also caring a lot about animals and their well being. I was a hot mess. A lost soul.
Then I met Ryan and he looked at me as if I were perfect. He didn't see my size or my anxiety or all of the imperfections that I obsessed over. He looked at me with a light in his eyes that I have never seen before. He saw right through me and this made me start seeing myself differently. I felt more comfortable in my body and I didn't want to lie anymore (at the time he didn't know about the body image and eating disorders)
It certainly didn't happen overnight, but I gradually let go of the bulimia. I stopped spending hours looking in the mirror only to berate myself and I started to be kinder to my body. With that came a desire to put better food and better thoughts into my body.
Fast forward a few years and now we are married and I'm pregnant with Caches. I am vegetarian and plan to raise him and all future children vegetarian or vegan. I feel like at this point I should say that Ryan never ate much meat either. He ate a vegetarian diet 90% of the time and was totally on board with the kids following suit.
At this time in my life I honestly felt pretty good. I was exercising all through pregnancy, eating pretty well, no more oreos, beer, pepsi and cigarettes, and getting excited to be a mom! Then Caches was born and my whole world turned upside down. I have written a lot about my journey with him, but not as it pertains to my overall health.
When he was a baby I was in a constant state of fight or flight. I was a ball of anxiety. I didn't sleep more than a few hours here and there. I ate on the fly and due to some GI health stuff with him I was on a pretty restrictive diet giving up all gluten, soy, eggs, dairy, corn, nuts and meat. The only exercise I got was walking while holding him day and night. My back and shoulders hurt so badly I would cry every single day. My arms were so tired they begged me to put the baby down but I didn't. And after about two years of not sleeping or caring for my body it began to break down.
I started having stomach pains and digestive problems. My skin was so dry it would crack and bleed. My brain was so foggy I would forget things I was supposed to do and some days I could hardly form logical sentences. I felt almost as if I was drugged. It was miserable and I wanted desperately to feel better.
Around this same time I became pregnant again, how I had the energy for sex is a mystery to me, but I was feeling okay. Then we lost the baby around 14 weeks and I fell apart. I was convinced that my body hated me and that I needed to do something but had no idea what to do. I added supplements to my diet and at this point I was getting a little bit more rest so I felt a little better.
About 6 months after we lost that baby I became pregnant with Arlowe and while I was excited, I was also terrified of losing her. I was also having a lot of aches and pains and sickness that I didn't have at all with my first pregnancy. I know each pregnancy is different and the second one is naturally going to be harder because you are also chasing around a toddler, but I just didn't feel good. My blood pressure was so low I would nearly pass out and I felt dull and exhausted. I decided I was going to make a change but I didn't really know what or how.
Enter Caches' pediatrician. He is not only a ped. but also a functional medicine and holistic doctor and we hit it off right away. We would always chat about herbs or alternative medicine and so when I was in his office for something or other with Cache I decided to ask him about me and the baby growing inside. He wondered if I has suffering from some nutritional deficiencies and/or thyroid issues. While he was supportive of a vegetarian and vegan diet he suggested I look into something called an anti-inflammatory or paleo diet. I had no idea what this was at the time so when I got home I looked it up. I searched "going from vegetarian to paleo" "benefits of a paleo diet" and entered all my symptoms into doctor google because I had my shovel out and I was going down that rabbit hole.
I spent hours researching and mulling over information. It was so vastly different from the way I had been eating before that I took me a while to take it all in. Grains are bad!? Fruit is bad?! Meat is good!? What the hell is collagen? Simmering animal bones? My head was a flurry of information and most of it didn't sit well with me. But then something happened. Fear came to the party.
Was I depriving my toddler of vital nutrients? Was I depriving my developing baby of vital nutrients? What if I actually did need bone broth to acquire essential minerals? What if my past eating disorder has depleted me and only animal products will heal the damage!? And so I went down the google rabbit hole. And you all know what happens when you google, right? You find exactly what you are looking for.
Do you remember the old folktale of the woman who was walking to a new town and she saw a lady on the side of the road and asked her if it was true. Would she really find hateful, mean people in this town. And the lady said I suppose you will. And then a different lady was walking to that same town and saw that same woman and asked her is it true? Will I find the kindest most beautiful people in this town. And the lady said I suppose you will. You see, you tend do find what you are looking for and I was looking for something, anything to take away the fear.
And so after a lot of searching and thinking and guilt I pulled Ryan aside one evening and told him I thought we needed to start eating meat and making bone broth. He nearly spat out his beer and looked at me sideways. He was totally caught off guard and I can't say I blame him. He wasn't fully on board but he could see that I was genuinely concerned and needed this so he supported me as he always does. Have I mentioned lately how amazing my husband is?
So when I was about 6 months pregnant with Arlowe I walked my almost 18 years vegetarian self into Whole Foods and bought grass fed beef and chicken bones to make broth. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was going to do it.
Today I want to talk about health, specifically my own healthy journey and where I am currently on my path to whole body wellness. I want to share a lot but I don't want it to be confusing so maybe I will make this a two part post or maybe I'll just start writing and see what happens. Lets do that...
I am going to take you way back, like 20+years ago when I first became a vegetarian. I honestly don't remember the exact year but I think I was about 13. Growing up we didn't eat much meat but I do remember thinking that it was normal, everybody does it. I remember hearing in school that it was an essential part of a healthy diet and provided protein etc. Then one day, this is a vague memory so bare with me, I recall looking at my horse and thinking I wouldn't eat you, so why do I eat a chicken? Why do we love and protect some animals but torture and kill others? Perspective. It is all about perspective. Now I can't say that at 13 years old I did much deep thinking about it but I did decide to go vegetarian.
From what I remember my family was fine with it and it wasn't that big of a deal. My mom is an OG vegetarian/hippie/alternative lady so she was supportive and at 13 years old it's really your mom who needs to be supportive since she cooks the food! I went on being vegetarian all through high school and endured all the teasing and mocking that you'd expect. Friends parents thought it was funny to put meat on my plate and pretend they forgot. My brother and his friends thought it was funny to tell me how delicious red meat was and that I was missing out. Some well meaning adults felt the need to tell me how I was going to be deficient in all sorts of nutrients and so on and so on and so on...
I honestly did't care. I mean I didn't enjoy it but it wasn't going to change my mind. I knew it felt wrong to eat animals and while at the time I didn't have research (no internet or social media) or the gory details to back me up, I stood strong.
In college I did have the internet for research and I was horrified, absolutely beyond horrified at how animals were being treated. How did I not know this? How was this legal? Where is the barf bag!? Being away at college in a different city meant I also met a whole different group of people around me who felt the same way I did and with that support and the research I had done, around age 18 I went vegan for the first time. Now let me point out that almost 20 years ago there were not nearly as many vegan convenience foods as there are now but it was still very manageable. Also I'd like to say, HOW is it that I was 18 almost 20 years ago when I'm only like 25 now!?
Okay, lets take a moment to talk about the fact that as an 18 year old college kid I was not the healthiest of vegans. I ate a good amount of junk food, hey oreos are vegan. And drank a good amount of beer, also vegan. I also smoked cigarettes and drank diet pepsi. I chuckle to myself now, but at the time this was me. I wasn't a vegan for health reasons, I was vegan because I loved animals and didn't think they should be tortured, killed and cut into little pieces. I recently told a friend who has only known me for about 5 years that I used to wake up and have a diet pepsi and a cigarette for breakfast and I thought her eyes were actually going to pop out of her head she was so surprised. Good times...
I stayed vegan for a solid 3 years or so and then kind of went back and forth between vegetarian and vegan until I was 31. Honestly the only reason I would go from vegan to vegetarian was dairy. I'd be vegetarian and then start feeling guilty and go vegan again. But then I'd feel lazy or want ice cream and go back to vegetarian and so it went back and forth.
During this time, age 15-27 or so I was also struggling a lot with body image and eating disorders. I have always been an average size person but I was obsessed with losing weight and meeting some unattainable goal that I made up in my head. I had a horrible, hateful inner voice that taunted me day and night. I hated my body and honestly didn't really care what I was putting into it. Cue the diet pepsi and cigarettes.
I know this sounds kind of strange to some because a lot of people assume vegetarians and vegans are such for health reasons as well as animal welfare. Well I was kind of a fucked up mixture of restricting food groups because it tied into my distorted eating and also caring a lot about animals and their well being. I was a hot mess. A lost soul.
Then I met Ryan and he looked at me as if I were perfect. He didn't see my size or my anxiety or all of the imperfections that I obsessed over. He looked at me with a light in his eyes that I have never seen before. He saw right through me and this made me start seeing myself differently. I felt more comfortable in my body and I didn't want to lie anymore (at the time he didn't know about the body image and eating disorders)
It certainly didn't happen overnight, but I gradually let go of the bulimia. I stopped spending hours looking in the mirror only to berate myself and I started to be kinder to my body. With that came a desire to put better food and better thoughts into my body.
Fast forward a few years and now we are married and I'm pregnant with Caches. I am vegetarian and plan to raise him and all future children vegetarian or vegan. I feel like at this point I should say that Ryan never ate much meat either. He ate a vegetarian diet 90% of the time and was totally on board with the kids following suit.
At this time in my life I honestly felt pretty good. I was exercising all through pregnancy, eating pretty well, no more oreos, beer, pepsi and cigarettes, and getting excited to be a mom! Then Caches was born and my whole world turned upside down. I have written a lot about my journey with him, but not as it pertains to my overall health.
When he was a baby I was in a constant state of fight or flight. I was a ball of anxiety. I didn't sleep more than a few hours here and there. I ate on the fly and due to some GI health stuff with him I was on a pretty restrictive diet giving up all gluten, soy, eggs, dairy, corn, nuts and meat. The only exercise I got was walking while holding him day and night. My back and shoulders hurt so badly I would cry every single day. My arms were so tired they begged me to put the baby down but I didn't. And after about two years of not sleeping or caring for my body it began to break down.
I started having stomach pains and digestive problems. My skin was so dry it would crack and bleed. My brain was so foggy I would forget things I was supposed to do and some days I could hardly form logical sentences. I felt almost as if I was drugged. It was miserable and I wanted desperately to feel better.
Around this same time I became pregnant again, how I had the energy for sex is a mystery to me, but I was feeling okay. Then we lost the baby around 14 weeks and I fell apart. I was convinced that my body hated me and that I needed to do something but had no idea what to do. I added supplements to my diet and at this point I was getting a little bit more rest so I felt a little better.
About 6 months after we lost that baby I became pregnant with Arlowe and while I was excited, I was also terrified of losing her. I was also having a lot of aches and pains and sickness that I didn't have at all with my first pregnancy. I know each pregnancy is different and the second one is naturally going to be harder because you are also chasing around a toddler, but I just didn't feel good. My blood pressure was so low I would nearly pass out and I felt dull and exhausted. I decided I was going to make a change but I didn't really know what or how.
Enter Caches' pediatrician. He is not only a ped. but also a functional medicine and holistic doctor and we hit it off right away. We would always chat about herbs or alternative medicine and so when I was in his office for something or other with Cache I decided to ask him about me and the baby growing inside. He wondered if I has suffering from some nutritional deficiencies and/or thyroid issues. While he was supportive of a vegetarian and vegan diet he suggested I look into something called an anti-inflammatory or paleo diet. I had no idea what this was at the time so when I got home I looked it up. I searched "going from vegetarian to paleo" "benefits of a paleo diet" and entered all my symptoms into doctor google because I had my shovel out and I was going down that rabbit hole.
I spent hours researching and mulling over information. It was so vastly different from the way I had been eating before that I took me a while to take it all in. Grains are bad!? Fruit is bad?! Meat is good!? What the hell is collagen? Simmering animal bones? My head was a flurry of information and most of it didn't sit well with me. But then something happened. Fear came to the party.
Was I depriving my toddler of vital nutrients? Was I depriving my developing baby of vital nutrients? What if I actually did need bone broth to acquire essential minerals? What if my past eating disorder has depleted me and only animal products will heal the damage!? And so I went down the google rabbit hole. And you all know what happens when you google, right? You find exactly what you are looking for.
Do you remember the old folktale of the woman who was walking to a new town and she saw a lady on the side of the road and asked her if it was true. Would she really find hateful, mean people in this town. And the lady said I suppose you will. And then a different lady was walking to that same town and saw that same woman and asked her is it true? Will I find the kindest most beautiful people in this town. And the lady said I suppose you will. You see, you tend do find what you are looking for and I was looking for something, anything to take away the fear.
And so after a lot of searching and thinking and guilt I pulled Ryan aside one evening and told him I thought we needed to start eating meat and making bone broth. He nearly spat out his beer and looked at me sideways. He was totally caught off guard and I can't say I blame him. He wasn't fully on board but he could see that I was genuinely concerned and needed this so he supported me as he always does. Have I mentioned lately how amazing my husband is?
So when I was about 6 months pregnant with Arlowe I walked my almost 18 years vegetarian self into Whole Foods and bought grass fed beef and chicken bones to make broth. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was going to do it.
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