Where is my fast forward button

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I hate today.  Today sucks.  I have a bad attitude.  I have no sense of humor though I could really use it.  Things that ordinarily wouldn't bother me are weighing me down.  I want to curl up in a ball and just be alone.  Today the endless needs of the toddler while typically at least somewhat amusing are quite honestly pissing me off.  I want to yell.  I want to cry.  I hate today.

Today my unorganized cabinets are mocking me.  I tried to clean one out which led to Caches needing to sample every food item and request umpteen different meals, and each one denied led to tears.  Today I just want to clean my fucking cabinet.

Today the smoothie spilled on the counter, all over the child, down the cabinet doors, onto the chair and finally the floor didn't make me take a deep breath and say, "Oh well, let's clean it up."  Today it made me cry, it made me angry.  And though I know a giant puddle of smoothie on the floor looks like a lot of fun, I found zero humor in both Caches and Abner licking it up and stepping in it.  Any other day I'd laugh and throw everyone in the tub.  Today I am no fun.  Get out of my way.

Today I am not finding the beauty in a slow moving toddler stopping to pick up a butterfly wing on the way to the car.  Toady I just want him to hurry up.  I'm having a hard time standing back and letting things be.  I am feeling a strong desire to control everything which is a pretty good sign that I need to let go.  I'm not interested in signs today.

I just want to be mad.  I'm tired of starting every single day at a negative, barely making it to zero by noon.  I'm sick of being touched.  I'm tired of holding an extra 26 pounds of squirming interest.  I don't want to be wanted today.

Today I cursed the wakeful babe for not taking a nap.  Today I swatted at the dog for licking my face.  Today I threw the giant clump of ice out the back door rather than letting a curious child chip away and it and explore the cold.  Today I slammed the door.  Today sucks.

I could blame pregnancy hormones.  I could blame lack of sleep.  I could blame a sore back and tender hips, but I won't.  I won't blame anything today because pointing a finger seldom makes things better.    Today I won't over analyze, or pretend I'm fine.  Because today sucks and that's okay.



*Sorry for the dramatics, I just had to get that out!  Feeling better already


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