Moms, are we really still in high school?
Maybe I was naive. Maybe I still am. But until I had my own child, I had NO idea that mothers could be so cruel to one another. I'd never even heard the term "mommy wars," until I started Googling my own baby related questions which redirected me to message boards, or should I call them battle grounds. So judgmental, so hurtful, so mean.
I guess it shouldn't surprise me though. Nobody can break a woman down quite like another woman. We know what hurts, we are keenly aware of the soft spots, the kill zone. And like thoughtless bullies, women go straight for the heart.
Remember witnessing a boy fight in high school? There was punching and pushing, blood and testosterone, but then there was peace. The fight was over. The pent up energy was gone and the boys moved on. Not the girls. Girls are silent fighters, the damage is internal. Their wounds can not be seen by the naked eye. They spread and consume. You have to delve deep to see the scars of yesterday and the gaping wounds of right now.
"It takes a village to raise a child." Well, in our modern world this idea unfortunately is lost. Mothers do not typically have their sisters, aunts, cousins, mothers, grandmothers and friends close by for support. So they search the internet, nearby parks and even the market for other mothers to support them because let's face it, mothers NEED support!
But all too often mothers seeking support are attacked. Questions posted out of desperation or curiosity are met with hurtful responses. The guns are loaded, the boots are on. These women are ready for battle. They are quick to tell mother's that they don't deserve their own baby, that they are horrible parents, they are damaging their babies, or poisoning them. All because they have a different opinion on the way things "should" be.
Women who claim to be peaceful parents, attachment mothers, are shaming rather than educating. Speaking to mothers in a hurtful way that they themselves claim they would NEVER speak to a child. A child is to be respected, but what about that child's mother?
Maybe it's because the internet is anonymous. You don't have to look that tired mother in her darkened eyes when you tell her that she is a monster for trying to sleep train her baby. You don't have to see the her face drop and her eyes tear up as she reads your spiteful words that were left in haste. Does this make you feel better about yourself internet bully?
Wouldn't this mother and her baby who you claim to be concerned for be better off with kindly suggested alternatives? Or even actual advice! There is a big difference between explaining in a gentle way that you do not agree, expressing why and offering alternatives, verses attacking a struggling mother's parenting.
Do you ever wonder, internet bully, what YOUR own children are making of your quick tongue? For your own babies are watching your every move. They are actively absorbing the way YOU treat others. You can tell your children every day to treat others with kindness and respect but if you do not DO the same, your efforts will be in vein. Your children are watching, internet bully.
How would you feel if you found out your own child was cyber bullying another child? Would you be proud? Would you offer a high five and encourage your child to go on and drill into others their beliefs? Or would you feel sad? I hope you'd feel sad. I hope that you take a step back and try to curb your passion for a certain style of parenting into a positive, encouraging message. Because we all know that you catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Why you would want to catch bees in the first place is what I don't know for sure.
Honestly though, it is a jungle out there. Please mamas, PLEASE take everything you read on the internet, particularly advice from other mothers on message boards, with a grain of salt. These women do not know you, your baby, your heart or your struggles. They are not attached to you in any way, nor do they have a vested interest in how you are receiving their comments. Take heart mamas, there are people who offer sound advice and sacred woman to woman, mother to mother support, but they are rarely found on baby center at 2am.
Or maybe they are, what do I know. I let a message board stranger bring me to tears more than once. What, I was tired!
I guess it shouldn't surprise me though. Nobody can break a woman down quite like another woman. We know what hurts, we are keenly aware of the soft spots, the kill zone. And like thoughtless bullies, women go straight for the heart.
Remember witnessing a boy fight in high school? There was punching and pushing, blood and testosterone, but then there was peace. The fight was over. The pent up energy was gone and the boys moved on. Not the girls. Girls are silent fighters, the damage is internal. Their wounds can not be seen by the naked eye. They spread and consume. You have to delve deep to see the scars of yesterday and the gaping wounds of right now.
"It takes a village to raise a child." Well, in our modern world this idea unfortunately is lost. Mothers do not typically have their sisters, aunts, cousins, mothers, grandmothers and friends close by for support. So they search the internet, nearby parks and even the market for other mothers to support them because let's face it, mothers NEED support!
But all too often mothers seeking support are attacked. Questions posted out of desperation or curiosity are met with hurtful responses. The guns are loaded, the boots are on. These women are ready for battle. They are quick to tell mother's that they don't deserve their own baby, that they are horrible parents, they are damaging their babies, or poisoning them. All because they have a different opinion on the way things "should" be.
Women who claim to be peaceful parents, attachment mothers, are shaming rather than educating. Speaking to mothers in a hurtful way that they themselves claim they would NEVER speak to a child. A child is to be respected, but what about that child's mother?
Maybe it's because the internet is anonymous. You don't have to look that tired mother in her darkened eyes when you tell her that she is a monster for trying to sleep train her baby. You don't have to see the her face drop and her eyes tear up as she reads your spiteful words that were left in haste. Does this make you feel better about yourself internet bully?
Wouldn't this mother and her baby who you claim to be concerned for be better off with kindly suggested alternatives? Or even actual advice! There is a big difference between explaining in a gentle way that you do not agree, expressing why and offering alternatives, verses attacking a struggling mother's parenting.
Do you ever wonder, internet bully, what YOUR own children are making of your quick tongue? For your own babies are watching your every move. They are actively absorbing the way YOU treat others. You can tell your children every day to treat others with kindness and respect but if you do not DO the same, your efforts will be in vein. Your children are watching, internet bully.
How would you feel if you found out your own child was cyber bullying another child? Would you be proud? Would you offer a high five and encourage your child to go on and drill into others their beliefs? Or would you feel sad? I hope you'd feel sad. I hope that you take a step back and try to curb your passion for a certain style of parenting into a positive, encouraging message. Because we all know that you catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Why you would want to catch bees in the first place is what I don't know for sure.
Honestly though, it is a jungle out there. Please mamas, PLEASE take everything you read on the internet, particularly advice from other mothers on message boards, with a grain of salt. These women do not know you, your baby, your heart or your struggles. They are not attached to you in any way, nor do they have a vested interest in how you are receiving their comments. Take heart mamas, there are people who offer sound advice and sacred woman to woman, mother to mother support, but they are rarely found on baby center at 2am.
Or maybe they are, what do I know. I let a message board stranger bring me to tears more than once. What, I was tired!
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