Coyote Ugly
Ever been trapped under a sleeping child? Maybe it was just your arm, or perhaps your entire body was being used as a human hot rock for your lizard baby. I myself have been trapped in every way possible, including my leg at mid thigh. In that moment it is kind of like Coyote Ugly, where you would rather chew off your own arm than wake up said sleeping child. Even worse...you have to pee.
Having been trapped numerous times, like every night for two years, I have become quite skilled at wriggling my way out of these situations. It takes some pillow propping, some knee popping, some flexibility and some patience, but most of the time I can free myself to pee, get a glass of water or regain feeling in my limbs. Most of the time.
Of course there are the times when I wait forEVER the perfect moment. I wait for his breathing to become heavy, for his arm to lay limp and his fingers to open and relax. I even do the kiss test, as Caches has been known to wake up at the slightest shift in movement including a kiss on the forehead. Done, done and done. I free my arm, shove a pillow against his side where my body was supporting his weight. I free my leg and situate a blanket in its place. I sit up and stretch, ahhhh sweet relief. Now to creep out of the bed. Almost there, one foot on the floor...MAMA!!!!!! MOMMY!!!! MAMA!!!
I try to shhhhh him and soothe him back to sleep. I have no idea why because the success rate of that working is once in two years, but I try anyway. I beg him, please just relax while mommy pees. "NO MAMA, RIGHT THERE, MAMA, NOOOOOO!!!!" There have been times when I have told him to suck it up and that I had to pee and he was just going to have to cry for 2 minutes. There have been times, many in fact, where I didn't even bother with the half hour process of freeing myself and just carried him on my shoulder to the bathroom with me, and there have been times when I have accepted defeat and held my pee all. night. long.
Yes, over the past two years I have developed a bladder muscle like Heman. It's fairly useful.
Having been trapped numerous times, like every night for two years, I have become quite skilled at wriggling my way out of these situations. It takes some pillow propping, some knee popping, some flexibility and some patience, but most of the time I can free myself to pee, get a glass of water or regain feeling in my limbs. Most of the time.
Of course there are the times when I wait forEVER the perfect moment. I wait for his breathing to become heavy, for his arm to lay limp and his fingers to open and relax. I even do the kiss test, as Caches has been known to wake up at the slightest shift in movement including a kiss on the forehead. Done, done and done. I free my arm, shove a pillow against his side where my body was supporting his weight. I free my leg and situate a blanket in its place. I sit up and stretch, ahhhh sweet relief. Now to creep out of the bed. Almost there, one foot on the floor...MAMA!!!!!! MOMMY!!!! MAMA!!!
I try to shhhhh him and soothe him back to sleep. I have no idea why because the success rate of that working is once in two years, but I try anyway. I beg him, please just relax while mommy pees. "NO MAMA, RIGHT THERE, MAMA, NOOOOOO!!!!" There have been times when I have told him to suck it up and that I had to pee and he was just going to have to cry for 2 minutes. There have been times, many in fact, where I didn't even bother with the half hour process of freeing myself and just carried him on my shoulder to the bathroom with me, and there have been times when I have accepted defeat and held my pee all. night. long.
Yes, over the past two years I have developed a bladder muscle like Heman. It's fairly useful.
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