Won't you be my neighbor

-
Our poor, sweet neighbors and the one sided conversations that they are subjected to at 6:00 am on a Sunday. 

"No feet on the dogs, Caches."

"Caches, please don't lay on top of Abner."

"Gentle with doggies eyes."

"Lilly doesn't like fingers in her nose."

"We aren't going to play with your bouncy balls in the car right now." Cue meltdown

"Can mama please just have a sip of coffee, then she will help you pick up poop."

"Yes, poo poo!  Let's pick it up! We don't touch poo poo.  Cache, that's a no touch!  Hey, please don't touch poo poo.  Seriously!? I'm getting the scooper right now! NO! Not with your feet either!  CACHE! Come on!"

Cat shows up.  "Please don't chase the kitty.  Just let her go where she wants.   She doesn't like her tail pulled."

"Yes, a snail.  Gentle touch, just with your little finger."

"Can you please pull your pants back up."

"We potty inside, doggies potty outside."

Dumps dog water bowl on himself.  Screaming, or melting, depends on who you ask.  "Come over here and I will help you take your shirt off.  Okay, pants too."

"It's kind of cold to be naked, dude.  Let's go get some clothes."  Not happening

"You want popcorn at 6:30am?"

"HEY!! Cory and Kate are trying to sleep!  Quit banging on the fence!"

Sorry guys, just trying to prepare you for children some day :)







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Klean n' Shine

-
Image
Anyone who has met me knows that little things like smashed pillows on the sofa, crumbs on the counter, water spots on the faucet fixtures, crooked picture frames and dust bunnies don’t bother me at all. So what I am about to tell you may shock you. I few days ago ran out of crack, I mean Klean n’ Shine, a cleaning product from the 70’s that is so toxic it foams at the mouth but I can not stop using it because it cleans EVERYTHING and doesn’t streak and F you planet, I do a lot for you already, I LOVE KLEAN N’ SHINE. Anyway, I felt the can getting low and made a note to pick up a new can or 10 at the only remaining retailer brave enough to carry this cleaner, Star Market. I grab my cloth bags, see, I told you planet, and head for the market. I make my way directly to the cleaning aisle and scan the usual area only to find that there is no Klean n’ Shine. I try to remain calm but when I see that there isn’t even an empty spot where it is supposed to be, or a tag marking its old spot
Read more

You're kidding, right

-
So, the other day I went to the Doctor for a physical. Sounds pretty boring right? Like why the hell do you care? Well, I haven't been to the doctor for a physical in 10+ years. Now before you get all OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE on me, let me explain. I have a gynecologist that I see annually and quite frankly, I see no other reason to go to the doctor. Unless of course I'm dying, which I am not, or at least I don't think I am. Anyway, there I sat, waiting for the doctor...waiting, still waiting, STILL WAITING, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DOCTOR. Oh, hello. Here, take my blood pressure. 140 over 96. Are you kidding me? Sorry, I'm just nervous, my blood pressure is usually really low. I then began to nervously ramble, telling the doctor my entire life story and ending with the fact that I don't like doctors; sorry doc, but I don't. She proceeded to ask me a variety of questions including a few RANDOM ones like if I wore my seat belt. Yes, I do, in fact
Read more

To Make Things Clear

-
Image
Everyone knows someone who is "that" guy or "that" girl.  You know the one, he or she is always saying the wrong thing or their sense of humor, or lack there of, is constantly being misinterpreted.  You either know someone like this or YOU ARE this person.  Either way, sometimes other peoples words don't come out quite right or you don't read/hear them as they were intended. I fear that I have become "that" girl with the sarcasm and humor in which I write about my son.  Only a small handful of actual people have brought it to my attention, but it was enough for me to take their words into consideration and re-read some of my postings about Caches and the challenges we face.  And you know what?  They are right.  Some of the things I write are a little bit inappropriate, not quite politically correct, and certainly not how some people would speak of their child, but this is how I cope. My writing and a VERY select group of people in my life whom
Read more