Caution! Watch for children!

-
About a month ago an ice cream truck that I wouldn't let my child within 50 feet of moved in next door. I say "moved in" because the ice cream man lives in his questionable van in our neighbor's driveway. Allow me to share a small back story. You see, our neighbor is probably 97 years old and in the year we have lived here I have only seen her once. That one time was right when we moved in and she told us the only people she ever wanted to see in her driveway were her and my husband if he was pulling weeds. Duly noted little old lady but THERE IS A CREEPY ICE CREAM MAN IN YOUR DRIVEWAY? I have a few theories. 1: This creepy ice cream man is her son and she won't let is weird ass in her house, so she makes him live in the driveway, in his van, in the freezing cold 2: She is so old and out of touch that she doesn't even know there is a crazy ice cream man living in her driveway. LADY! CRAZY ICE CREAM MAN IN DRIVEWAY!! 3: He is not selling ice cream out of his van but he is selling drugs. Under those bags of Cheetos, Doritos, Smarties and lollies there are little bags of a different kind of candy.
As of this minute I am going with theory #3 because what kind of ice cream man leaves the house at 6am every morning, in the WINTER to sell ice cream. Additionally what kind of ice cream man does not arrive home from selling ice cream until 11pm. WHO IS BUYING A BIG STICK AT 11PM? IN THE WINTER?!!
In conclusion, if you are trying to bring the value of your home down by about 50,000 dollars I am sure this guy is available to park in your neighbor's driveway for a nominal fee.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Klean n' Shine

-
Image
Anyone who has met me knows that little things like smashed pillows on the sofa, crumbs on the counter, water spots on the faucet fixtures, crooked picture frames and dust bunnies don’t bother me at all. So what I am about to tell you may shock you. I few days ago ran out of crack, I mean Klean n’ Shine, a cleaning product from the 70’s that is so toxic it foams at the mouth but I can not stop using it because it cleans EVERYTHING and doesn’t streak and F you planet, I do a lot for you already, I LOVE KLEAN N’ SHINE. Anyway, I felt the can getting low and made a note to pick up a new can or 10 at the only remaining retailer brave enough to carry this cleaner, Star Market. I grab my cloth bags, see, I told you planet, and head for the market. I make my way directly to the cleaning aisle and scan the usual area only to find that there is no Klean n’ Shine. I try to remain calm but when I see that there isn’t even an empty spot where it is supposed to be, or a tag marking its old spot
Read more

To Make Things Clear

-
Image
Everyone knows someone who is "that" guy or "that" girl.  You know the one, he or she is always saying the wrong thing or their sense of humor, or lack there of, is constantly being misinterpreted.  You either know someone like this or YOU ARE this person.  Either way, sometimes other peoples words don't come out quite right or you don't read/hear them as they were intended. I fear that I have become "that" girl with the sarcasm and humor in which I write about my son.  Only a small handful of actual people have brought it to my attention, but it was enough for me to take their words into consideration and re-read some of my postings about Caches and the challenges we face.  And you know what?  They are right.  Some of the things I write are a little bit inappropriate, not quite politically correct, and certainly not how some people would speak of their child, but this is how I cope. My writing and a VERY select group of people in my life whom
Read more

Is He a Good Baby? And Other Really Annoying Questions

-
Every mother knows that going out in public with a baby brings on an outrageous amount of unsolicited advice from obnoxious well meaning strangers, but what's up with all the questions?  Oh my goodness...the QUESTIONS!! Does he use a pacifier?  Are you breastfeeding?  Why are you still breastfeeding?  Does he sleep through the night?  Is he in his own bed?  Why isn't that baby wearing a hat?  It's cold.  Boy or girl? Is he a good baby?  Are you just so in love?  Why do you hold that baby so much?  You will spoil him. Are you kidding me!? Now, I understand that most people just like babies and are trying to strike up casual conversation so they can touch my baby with their questionably clean hands and tell me to enjoy every second, BUT some of these questions rub me the wrong way.  Perhaps it is because of the "kind" of baby I have and perhaps it is because I just don't have the answer they are looking for. Does he use a pacifier?  My answer: Yep, he d
Read more