A Promise

I've promised myself a hundred times that I will make time to write and a hundred times I have betrayed myself.  Each time I have stories whirling around my head that never find safe landing on paper, I betray myself.  Each time I convince myself that nobody cares what I have to say, or that it's already been said a thousand ways by someone else, I betray myself.  Every time I sit down to write and delete it because I just isn't quite flowing how I want, I betray myself.  I have betrayed myself over and over and now there is a lack of trust going on between the voices in my head and what I know to be true.  The voice in your head isn't you, by the way, it isn't truth!  But more about that another time.

The stories I tell myself on one hand are encouraging; you aren't writing for anyone but you so who cares if nobody reads it.  You have something to say, say it! These ideas and words that come to you are like songs and to silence them is to take away the musicians instrument.  The stories on the other side are ones that I have been telling myself forever, the self limiting beliefs.  People will ridicule you.  They don't want to read it.  Sometimes your wiring can make others feel judged. You don't really have anything all that interesting to say.  Nobody cares!

But I do, I care.  And I do have stories to tell and things to say and lessons to share.  I do have all these words swirling in my brain distracting me each day as I try to push them away and focus on something else.  They keep coming back because they need a release.  They keep coming back because the lessons we need to learn and the passions we need to peruse often wont' ever stop trying to reach us.  Sure I could journal, which I do, and keep it all to myself, but there is something inside of me that pushes me to share.  Perhaps it is because I enjoy reading other women's musings about life, marriage and their families.  Perhaps it is because I feel like I am relatable and maybe just maybe reading my words might help someone else.  Whatever it is, it keeps coming up and I have a feeling that it wont' stop until I answer it's call.

So what does that mean for me?  It means that I am making a promise to myself to write more.  Not a big promise that I won't be able to fulfill, but a tiny seemingly insignificant goal of one small post each week that I know I can manage.  This is a place to start.  Something to build upon.  This is me learning to trust myself all over again, or probably for the first time at all.  This is so much more than just writing things down.  This is me accepting the call of the Universe.  This is me giving myself a big hug and accepting who I am.  An information seeker, a deep thinker, a writer, a person who has something to say.

Of course I will be writing here, but I will also be sharing more in Instagram and perhaps linking things from there to here.  My Instagram is life_planted so come along and keep me accountable.  I have so much to share. 

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