clean floors, dirty paws

"Trust me, you don't want your baby to walk." "He will be so much more difficult once he is mobile." "Keep him from walking/crawling as long as possible!" "Enjoy him while he still wants to be held.  Once he is walking/crawling he will never want you anymore." And the ever popular, "He's never going to learn to crawl/walk if you hold him all the time." All you naysayers...I was right, you were wrong. He is WAY happier now that he can walk around and explore.  Yes, he is non stop and is into absolutely everything, but I really don't mind.  I mean, putting things in the dog water bowl will lose its charm eventually, right? And since I'm already tooting my own horn, I will point out that I too was right about the sequence in which he would do things.  Walk first, then crawl.  Oh, and he totally still wants to be held and cuddled it's just now I can actually PUT. HIM. DOWN!! Oh glorious putting dow

New mothers, soon to be mothers and hope to be a mothers.  I know that you don't get much advice from family and strangers (eye roll) so I have a little bit of advice for you.  It's not going to change your life or make parenting any easier.  It won't do your dishes, help your baby sleep, give you a better sex life or wipe your french bulldogs butt, but it WILL actually help.  At least I hope it will or I spent all this time straining my brain for nothing. Ready? #1.  Learn how to pick things up with your toes. I'm telling you right now that this advice alone is worth reading all of my nonsensical gibberish.  If you are pregnant then this is the perfect time to practice and perfect this skill so that by the time your baby discovers that gravity is the coolest thing since sticking his fingers up your nose you can save yourself hundreds of back breaking bend overs.  #2.  Lower and/or change your expectations. In fact, have NONE!  It took me many months to figure

I PROMISE a real post is coming soon.  And since I capitalized promise, clearly that means it will happen, right?  I hope so!  I mean, I actually have things to write about.  Like Caches' black eye, slap cheek syndrome and mystery bruise on his left butt cheek.  The poor kid looks abused!  I'm half expecting CPS to show up on my doorstep...And I'd say take him away, please! Kidding, of course, but with all the walking, crawling and exploring he's doing bumps and bruises are inevitable.  This kid isn't just walking, he is OUT OF CONTROL moving and shaking.  He's a little lightening bolt and I'm not the least big surprised.  One second he's right next to me chewing on a toy and the next thing I know he's making a break for the door, chasing the dog, teasing the cat, dumping the water bowl AGAIN or grabbing knives out of the dishwasher!!!  Maybe someone should call CPS?   His black eye is now in the "greenish" stage and will soon turn that

" The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new."  ~Rajneesh Today is Mother's Day and while a big part of me says, "Hallmark Holiday," an even bigger part says thank you.  Thank you to my mother who through grace, love, persistence and patience not only raised me to be the woman I am, but also the mother I am to my own son.  I always knew that I was loved unconditionally by my mother, but I now have a profound understanding and appreciation of the deep, almost painful love a mother feels for her child.  Gail, Ryan's mother, thank you for raising the incredible man who became my husband and now is the father of my son.  I don't think he would be the man he is today without your love, patience and support.  I strive for my own son to grow into such a man.  Caches, thank you for making me a mama.  You don't know it yet, and you m

Hey Anne, way to post about your new website and get all pumped and then drop the ball big time by not even touching the blog for a week+.  I'm fairly certain nobody lost any sleep over it, but sorry.  I really have no grand excuse or clever complaint this week, and I'm pretty sure you are tired of hearing that I'm tired.  So let's just put it behind us and move on, shall we?  This week I have had quite a few, "I should totally blog about that." moments,  I just never put pen to paper finger to key.  What was I going to write about but never did you ask?  Well I'll tell you... I intended to write about how in one weeks time, Caches has gone from not knowing how to crawl AT ALL, seriously he would just lay there on his belly and whine, to now crawling all over! I intended to write about how in this same week Caches has gone from taking only a few little baby steps to full on holy shit the kid is about to walk out the back door!!!  He is out of this wor

I have been writing with blogger for a few years now and while I like it, I am out of free storage and don't want to pay ready for a change . I don't do well with change which may explain why it has taken me MONTHS to make this announcement but here goes: My blog will soon be moving.  A work in progress would be a bit of a stretch because honestly, I haven't been working too much on the new site.  I have the best of intentions, but always seem to get sidetracked or choose five minutes with my eyes closed rather than working.  So I'm hoping that by announcing the move I will be motivated to work harder and get the new site up and running.  All content will be moved over and hopefully, if I can focus long enough to learn how to do it, you will be able to search for content,  "like" me on facebook, sign up for an RSS feed, follow me on twitter and roll your eyes because why the HELL do you care what I'm tweeting?!?  My hope is to get more followers/com

Caches Michael, Today you are 10 months old, double digits!  I know I say this every month, but wow, how is it that 10 whole months have already past!  Wasn't it just yesterday that you were a helpless newborn barley able to hold the weight of your head, with swollen eyes and tightly clenched fists?  When did you start to become more like a toddler and less like a baby?!?  It's already happening, there is now way of stopping it...you are growing up. And the time is going way too fast.  There are moments, like when you curl up in a little ball and fall asleep in my arms that I want to stop the clock, break out a bottle, and pickle that moment so I can have it forever on a shelf to admire.  And I would take it out and stare hard at it when we have a bad day or when my patience is running thin.  Caches, we would have a whole pantry of pickled moments, a bomb shelter full!  I know that sometimes I dwell on the negative things, like your detestation for sleeping and my accompl

Guest editorial by The Husband and curator of the crazy museum Today marks the first time I have felt compelled to join the emotional venting production team of cleanfloorsdirtypaws/diapers. One would think it would be to promote something fantastic that my darling son has accomplished or failed to accomplish, or to sneakily praise my wife for her ridiculous natural ability of mothering this hen house of nitwits. Sadly it's neither. I'm here to glorify and sing the praises of my most cherished companion, the Bitch named Lilly. Lilly, Today you are Nine years old. The bright autumn red of your coat is slowly receding to the encroaching whiteness of your paws and muzzle, yet it has done so, so gracefully that I only seem to notice while looking at pictures from your youth and comparing them to the present. A man and his dog, is not that the truest love? You are the sassiest bitch on the block, and continue to add to the list of things you will not do: walk