I'm not a rapper, I just cuss a lot

"Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years."

Gotta love L.L, right?  In all seriousness though, I HAVE been here the whole time you guys.  I've been right here wanting to write, needing to write, thinking about writing and well, not writing.  I jot notes down in my phone and on little slips of paper thinking that will be a great thing to write about when I find the time but guess what, there is NO TIME!  Like none, like I don't even know how I find the time to blink most days.  There has been no time and there will be no time so I have no other choice but to make time.  Concept, right?  I recently heard someone much wiser than I say," instead of saying, I don't have time for that, say that is not a priority right now." It's so true. Life is busy! Nobody just has time.  Granted I had a shit load more time before I had two children but I digress.  When something is a priority we make time.  And I'm going to try to make the time to write. 

Side note.  It is already obvious to me that I haven't spent much time writing at a real computer lately because I assume it will both auto correct my misspellings, automatically make all my i's upper case for me and automatically make a period at the end of a sentence for me if I double tap the space bar.  Yeah, so there is that...

Anyway, I would be genuinely shocked if anyone still reads or even checks in on this blog but that won't stop me.  In fact it's easier for me write assuming nobody will ever read it.  As I mentioned earlier I have been jotting down little notes and reminders of stories I want to share here.  If anyone actually reads this will you let me know which story you would like to hear first or one that interests you?

Here are a few ideas:

The song "let it go" and how it pertains to my life and why I basically can't listen to it without crying which is made complicated by the fact that my kids listen to it 247032 times a week.

The half dead gopher in my house

Going back in time with my first born.  What I wish I could tell myself then that I know to be true now

On aging is a world where you aren't supposed to age

On aligning our core values with our life choices

Arlowe projectile pooping on all of my cookbooks.  You thought I was going to say vomiting, didn't you. 

What I want my white kids middle class children to know about entitlement

The lady at Michael's craft store that said she was going to call CPS on me and that I was a horrible mother

What I want my kids to know about open mindedness.  How to truly listen and hold space for other opinions than your own

Arlowe's fierce personality and how its so foreign to me yet so familiar.  Why I think I might have been similar but allowed myself to fizzle

What I want Cache to know about masculinity and what is really means to be a man

Why it is so important to me to allow my children to feel all of their feelings and why you should be doing the same

Why I think moms need to stay out of chat rooms and stop looking to the internet for advice on parenting.  AKA put down your phone and go to the park and talk to an actual human mother

Why I think we all need to put down the phone and look the fuck UP! 

Um, we moved to Fresno

How I am not the same woman that I was 6 years ago and how my children have been the catalyst for a lot of healing.

Why I think we are given precisely the children that we need and if we allow them to teach us amazing things will happen

How much easier it is to type on a phone that corrects your spelling for you, just kidding

On losing our Lilly and how it helped me see that no love is wasted

How my health has changed over the past few years and what it has taught me about loving my body

How hard it is to live as a person who is always inside of their own head.  Spoiler alert, its really noisy and pretty fucking dark

Um, we go a puppy!

My prior eating disorder and the struggle to overcome it

My husband.  So patient, so kind, so damn reasonable its kinda infurating

How my kids sleep now because I'm sure there is at least one person out there wondering

On women and the perception of perfection.  How the people who don't look like they need help are sometimes the ones who need it most

On honesty and why I feel like it is SO important for women and moms in particular to be honest about life.  On reading about one woman's morning routine on instagram and wanting to scream, LIES!!!!

On spending less time on social media and limiting my news intake

Why I'm actually kinda greatfull for how the election turned out and how it has awakened so many of us who would have potentially still been sleeping 

On my struggle with having children and being a stay at home mom and being an introvert and NOT having anything go the way it was supposed to in my, "oh this is going to be so magical" dreams before I had children

Okay, so I might have gone a little overboard with the list, but there is still more and fuck, I really can't type very well! My backspace button finger is hurting.  At the very least, even if nobody responds I have a list on things to write about for myself.  

I know that wasn't all that exciting but man, just writing that list and saying hello again feels good.  And with any luck I will find enough time to write that I'll give my backspace finger a rest.